Happiness
by rentheadperson525600
Summary: What happens after what we see in Ezra's apartment in 2x24? Aria's POV. A couple of notes. First, this story is rated M for a reason. Bedroom scenes happen. Second, I included a couple of little scenes from the show in the story. I don't own that dialogue.
1. Feels a Lot Like Gone for Good

**(Author's Note: This is a rewrite of a story I wrote called "Happiness Damn Near Destroys You." But I decided that I wanted to delve a little deeper into the characters' feelings and experiences and write at least a couple of chapters. So I deleted that story and reposted it as this. If you read that one, some parts are almost exactly the same. But some parts are very different. Anyway, enjoy. And leave a review if you're so inclined. Warning: if you don't like reading sex scenes…well, this story might not be for you. Also, you've probably figured out where the title of the story comes from. *cough*B26*cough* The chapter titles are from lines in the song.)**

Chapter One  
 _(Gone for Now) Feels a Lot Like Gone for Good_

I stood outside Ezra's apartment next to his car as he loaded his last bag into the trunk. Last night, he'd told me that my father had him fired from Hollis. His last class was supposed to be on Monday, but he'd made the decision this morning to cancel the last two classes (tomorrow and Monday) and just leave now. No sense putting off the inevitable. He was heading to his mom's in New York for a while to try to figure out his next move. I'd spent the night here last night, and this morning, he'd been almost eerily quiet as he packed a couple of bags to go and try to pick up the pieces of his broken life. The life I'd broken.

Okay, so it had been his choice too. He could have chosen to be a responsible adult and not start a relationship with one of his students. Then he'd still be teaching at Rosewood High. He could have taken that job in New Orleans and left. Then we'd be apart but at least he'd still have a job. Now he had nothing. And it was because of me. He'd told me that he didn't blame me, but I wasn't sure I believed it. Because how could he not?

"Aria," he said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I realized he was standing right in front of me. How long had he been just standing there? Was I really that out of it? I'd never seen him look quite the way he did right now. He looked sad and pensive and...some other emotion that I couldn't name.

"So I guess this is it," I said, looking down and trying to keep back the tears that were threatening to break free.

"Hey," Ezra said softly, tilting my chin up so I would look at him again. "This isn't goodbye. Not forever."

He kissed me, as soft and sweet as a whisper. Memories of last night flooded my mind. I tried to push them back. I couldn't even start to process last night right now. I had to get through this first.

"I love you," he whispered.

A few of the tears I was fighting back crept their way out.

"I love you too," I said, my voice catching in a sob. "Ezra, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. I'm not sorry for any of it. I don't regret a thing. I don't regret leaving Rosewood High. I don't regret standing up to your father. And I absolutely don't regret a second of the time I've had with you. If I could go back, I wouldn't change anything."

"Except maybe my dad getting you fired," I sniffled.

He chuckled. "I knew that was a possibility the second I suggested telling your parents about us."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I was tired of having to hide the way I feel about you."

"Look where it got us though. Now you're leaving anyway."

"I'll be back at some point," he said. "There's still an apartment full of stuff that guarantees that."

I tried to chuckle, but I sounded more like a wounded puppy. Ezra pulled me into his arms. God, the way he'd held me last night...No. I had to snap out of it. I could be tortured by those memories later.

...Or now. Damn it, the floodgates were about to open. I started crying a little more.

He pulled back to look at me, and he looked like he was about to start crying too. He wiped some of the tears off my cheeks and kissed me again.

"Listen, if I don't go now, I'll never leave," he said. "But I don't want this to be the last thing I remember. Can you try to smile? Please?"

I risked one small memory of last night, just sweet enough to make me smile, but not enough to torture me. What he'd said right before everything had happened. Basically the thing that had started it all. He'd just looked right into my eyes and said, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" The look on his face as he'd said that had made me melt.

And it worked. I smiled through my tears.

Ezra walked me back into the empty parking spot next to his car and kissed me again. I felt every bit of his heartache and more love than I could even comprehend coming through in this connection.

"I love you," I told him. I had to say it one last time. He had to hear it.

He smiled. "I love you too. Now close your eyes and count to 50. You don't need to see this part."

I sniffled and took a deep breath, memorizing everything about his face. I didn't want to close my eyes, because I knew when I opened them again he'd be gone. But he was right. I didn't need to see him drive away. That would be the last memory and I had and it would torture me. So I obeyed.

He gave me one last soft kiss that made me go weak at the knees.

"Keep your eyes closed and start counting," he whispered.

I felt Ezra's hand on my face and his lips on my forehead. Then I started counting. I heard him backing out of the space and driving out of the lot, but I didn't open my eyes until I got to 50. And he was nowhere in sight. He was gone. Really gone.

I must have been a masochist. There was no other reason for me to go back upstairs and into his apartment. But that was what I did.

Well, yes, there was another reason for it. I needed to process what had happened last night. I needed to let myself remember every moment of it and get all the tears out now. I could tell my friends he was gone. I could even tell my mom that. But the fact that we'd had sex last night for the first time? That it was my first time, period? And that now he was gone and I didn't know if I'd ever see him again after we'd shared something so personal and intimate? That was private. I couldn't talk to anyone about that.

I walked in the door and just went and laid back down on the bed. It still smelled like him. And that did it. Everything came flooding back. Every sweet, tender, perfect moment. And the tears fell.

 _Ezra and I were lying on the bed, and we seemed to be incapable of separating our entwined lips, like each of us was the oxygen the other one needed to breathe. We'd gone on like this for probably the better part of an hour. For some reason, Ezra seemed more nervous to follow this through to its inevitable conclusion than I was. I wasn't sure why; this wasn't new territory for him. But suddenly he sat up, pulling me with him, and with his hands at the hem of my tank top, he stopped and looked me straight in the eyes._

" _Are you sure?" he asked, seeming to search my face for any sign of hesitation._

 _I nodded. I'd never been surer of anything in my life than I was of this. I wanted this. No matter what happened tomorrow, we would have tonight. Regardless of what today's events meant for our future, this was the present. I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. And I'd never felt about anyone the way I felt about Ezra._

 _He pulled my tank top off and then kissed me again as he undid my bra and pulled it down my arms. As I laid back down, he just sat there looking at me for a minute._

" _You're so beautiful," he said, smiling, and came back down to kiss me again. "I love you."_

" _I love you," I said quietly, suddenly a little more nervous, but just as sure as I'd been a minute ago._

 _Ezra kissed me again, keeping one arm wrapped tightly around me as he slowly ran his other hand down my now-bare side, seeming like he was trying to memorize every curve. He took a shaky breath as his lips left mine, seeming as nervous as I was. He looked right into my eyes, seeming to ask without words if I was still okay. If I was still sure I wanted this. I didn't blink or let my eyes leave his as I stroked his cheek softly, trying to reassure him._

 _Apparently that was the assurance he needed, because his lips were back on mine within a second, but only briefly. He kissed me softly, gently tugging at my bottom lip. Then he started at one of my shoulders, slowly trailing kisses up my collarbone and across my neck, then back down the other collarbone. As he worked his way back up my neck again, my breath caught as his lips touched a spot right by my jugular that seemed to catch on fire. He clearly heard that, because he kissed the same spot again, softly sucking on it this time. Not enough to leave a mark, just enough to send a shiver all the way down my spine._

 _And that was the point at which I couldn't take it anymore. I needed another kiss. I pulled back and pulled him in. As his tongue explored my mouth as if for the first time, he slowly stroked from my hip up my side, this time stopping at the side of my breast. He didn't do anything other than just let his hand rest there. It was obvious he was taking his time, going out of his way to make sure I was comfortable with what he was doing._

 _When Ezra finally stopped kissing me to catch his breath, the way he looked at me could have set this apartment on fire. There was so much love and passion and desire in his eyes. More than I'd ever seen before. It was clear that he'd wanted this for a while, but that he'd waited for me to make the move. He'd wanted this to be completely my decision, and he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to regret it._

 _Instead of going back for my lips, he went a little further down, slowly trailing kisses across the top of my chest, then down my sternum and stomach. As he got to my belly button, he stopped and looked up at me, his hands on my hips._

" _You okay?" he asked, barely above a whisper._

" _I'm good," I assured him just as quietly, almost afraid to ruin the moment with words._

 _He planted another kiss on my stomach as he unbuttoned and unzipped my skirt. I lifted my hips, and ever so slowly, he pulled it off, followed by my underwear. I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach, but they weren't going anywhere. I was all nerves now, realizing I was completely exposed, and swallowed a little loudly before I could stop myself. He was back up at the head of the bed within a second, and his lips were back on mine, calming my nerves and reassuring me, as he pulled me close against him._

" _I love you, Aria," he said quietly. "Are you still okay?"_

 _I smiled and nodded, melting into a huge puddle. God, he was being so sweet and patient. I hadn't realized it was even possible to love him more than I already did, but this was me falling even more in love with him. Right here and now._

" _You're safe," he whispered, kissing my neck and working his way back down my chest, this time going across the tops of my breasts. "It's just me. Just us."_

 _Ezra was going to have to mop up a huge puddle of Aria by the time this was over. Because that would be all there was left of me. Seriously. As he continued kissing literally every inch of my upper body he could, I realized that he was still half-dressed. I knew that had to be intentional. If he'd wanted to, he could have taken the rest of his clothes off when he'd finished undressing me. But he hadn't. He was obviously trying to get me comfortable being undressed in front of him first._

 _I pulled him back up to kiss him again, and as we kissed, I slowly undid his belt buckle and pulled his belt off, dropping it on the floor with the rest of our clothes. He pulled me back against him, clearly not wanting me to go any further just yet. I pulled him closer by his lower back, and I felt him tense up a little. He stopped kissing me and then took a deep breath as he rolled us back over so I was on my back. His hand wandered down my chest and stomach, and he stopped right below my belly button, looking me in the eyes._

" _I don't want to hurt you," he said, giving me another soft kiss that made me weak at the knees even though I was lying down. "And I know I will if I don't do this. Do you trust me?"_

 _I had to stop myself from laughing at that question. If I hadn't trusted him, I would never have let things progress this far. But I knew why he'd said that. And that puddle of Aria he was going to have to mop up was just getting bigger. It was unbelievably sweet that he was asking for permission first. As far as I was concerned, we'd passed the point of no return about a mile back, but I knew he didn't feel that way. One word from me would stop everything if I wanted._

" _I trust you," I promised, pulling him back down for another kiss._

 _Not breaking the kiss except for a brief moment to catch his breath, Ezra slowly slid his hand between my legs. He just let it sit there for a second, making sure I wasn't going to say anything, before slowly sliding one finger inside me. I softly moaned into his mouth, already feeling every nerve ending in my body tingling even before this. He slowly moved it in and out, loosening me a little bit with each motion, as he kissed my neck, my breasts, my lips, everything he could reach. After a few minutes, he added a second finger, using the same motions to stretch me out. A few more minutes in, he stopped even before I could say anything. I didn't want to finish yet, because that would have tightened everything back up again, undoing everything he'd just done, and I'd been getting there._

 _He quickly discarded the rest of his clothes and climbed above me, kissing me again and caressing my face. His other hand gently pulled one of my legs up a little. He already knew he didn't need a condom. I'd been on the pill since before I'd even met him for medical reasons, and when this had almost happened a couple of weeks ago, we'd had that conversation. I'd stopped it then because I hadn't wanted to have our first time be hurried and rushed, and at that particular point in time it would have been. Now, we had all the time in the world._

" _Still okay?" he asked, kissing the tip of my nose._

 _And the puddle of Aria he was going to have to mop up got a little bigger. The fact that he was asking me if I was okay with everything he was doing before he went any further, that he wasn't taking my yes twenty minutes ago or even my yes five minutes ago for granted now, was…I had no words._

" _I'm fine," I told him._

" _Promise you'll tell me if I hurt you," he said, his voice full of concern._

" _I promise."_

 _He took a deep breath, as if he was as nervous as I was right now. Maybe he was. I didn't know how I knew this, but somehow I just did. I knew it was different with me. Not just because I was younger, but because his feelings for me were different. Stronger._

" _Ready?" he asked, looking me right in the eyes._

 _I nodded and kissed him again, and I gasped and grunted a little as he slowly eased himself inside me. He'd been amazingly gentle, but it still hurt a little. I knew it would pass, but I needed a minute. I was about to say something just like I'd promised I would, but as it turned out, I didn't have to. He immediately pulled back and looked at me, and the love and concern I saw in his eyes made that puddle of Aria even bigger._

" _Did that hurt?" he asked._

" _A little," I said._

 _Ezra kissed me and wrapped his arms around me like a cocoon, keeping his eyes locked on mine. If a single look could set an apartment on fire, this one would have incinerated the whole building._

" _I love you," he said softly, and kissed me again. "Tell me when."_

 _I pulled him back down for another kiss and waited to let the uncomfortable feeling pass. He just kept looking at me and kissing me every few seconds, waiting to follow my lead. And, just as I'd known it would, after a minute or so, the pain subsided completely._

" _Okay, I'm good," I said._

" _You sure?" he asked, again staring into my eyes like he was looking all the way into my soul._

 _I nodded, and he brought his lips back to mine as he slowly and gently started to move. I'd been a little nervous and scared, fearing that I wouldn't know what to do, but there hadn't been any reason for that. It felt natural to follow his lead, and he was slow and patient and oh so gentle. He took his time, seeming to want to make every kiss, every touch, and absolutely every second count. He seemed to care more about making sure I felt safe and comfortable than he cared about himself. And he absolutely cared more about making sure I finished than he did about himself. Whenever he got close, he'd stop for a minute to keep himself from going over the edge too soon. Apparently I was doing something right, because that happened a few times. But eventually I got there, and it seemed like feeling me finish was the last straw for him too, because he was right behind me, whispering my name right in my ear._

 _Ezra didn't move right away after we were done. He just enveloped me in his arms again as he slowly pulled out and stayed right there, kissing my forehead, my shoulders, my lips, everything he could reach without letting go of me._

" _I love you," he said quietly._

 _I smiled and ran my hand down his back. "I love you too."_

 _It was at least five minutes later, probably more like ten, when he finally got up and grabbed his boxers off the floor to put them back on. He got me one of his old t-shirts, which I gratefully put on; it was a little chilly in the apartment. Then he just laid back down on the bed and pulled me back into an embrace without another word. We didn't need to say anything else. Words would have just ruined the moment._

 _I didn't know how much later it was when I suddenly realized that I had absolutely no idea what time it was. I didn't want to leave, but I knew it had to be getting late. I turned around and glanced at the clock on his cable box. Crap. It was already almost eleven. My curfew had been almost half an hour ago. I'd already be facing my parents' wrath when I got home, and I'd have to come up with some sort of believable story for where I'd been._

" _I hate to say this—" I started._

" _Stay," he cut me off._

" _Ezra—"_

 _He stopped me with a kiss. "I mean it, Aria. Stay. Please. I can't stand to watch you walk out that door tonight."_

 _I kissed him again. I was so glad he'd said that. Leaving right now would kill me too._

" _Okay, I'll be right back," I told him, and got up to call my mom._

 _I told her I was going to be staying with Emily for the night because she was torn up about Maya being MIA and needed the company. She didn't question it. Then I texted Emily and told her she was my alibi. She didn't question it either. I'd tell her later. Maybe. I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about this yet._

 _I turned back towards the bed and I felt myself blush when I saw the way Ezra was looking at me. There was a fire and passion in his eyes that I had never seen before tonight. Without a word, I went back to lie next to him._

" _Come here," he said, and pulled me close, kissing my forehead. "How do you feel? Sore or anything?"_

 _I melted into another puddle. God, I loved him. He was still being so sweet and was obviously concerned._

" _No, I'm okay," I promised, and kissed him softly._

" _You are much better than okay," he said, staring straight into my eyes. "You're perfect. I love you."_

 _I smiled, blushing again. Ezra chuckled and pulled me back in for another kiss. He didn't have to say anything else. I knew he felt everything right now, just like I did. Tonight had meant every bit as much to him as it had to me. As I tried to process exactly how I felt, I couldn't come up with words. I'd always been told I would feel different afterwards, but it wasn't really like that. I didn't feel like the entire earth had shifted on its axis or anything. I just felt…right. Like everything was how it was supposed to be._

It was about three hours later when I finally stopped crying. I had a killer headache, and I knew I needed to get home. My parents would have gotten a call about me skipping school today and I'd have to explain myself. But I couldn't make myself leave.

Just then, my phone buzzed. I was sure it was my mom, but when I sat up to grab it out of my purse and checked it, it was a text from Ezra.

 _I'm sure you haven't left the apartment yet. You can stay as long as you need, but please don't torture yourself._

I smiled and tried to hold back a fresh wave of tears. He certainly knew me well. My phone buzzed again.

 _By the way, I can't stop thinking about last night either. I meant what I said. You're perfect. I love you more than I know how to say._

That did it. I started bawling again. I wanted to call him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Hearing his voice would just make it worse. So I just sent him a text back.

 _So are you. I love you too._

I looked next to me on the bed and realized the shirt I'd slept in last night was still there. I'd laid down on top of it without even realizing it. I knew it was stupid and overly sappy, but I grabbed it and held onto it tightly. And I decided to bring it with me. I didn't even care if my mom or dad saw me in it at this point. I needed to bring something of his with me. Something that would help me through being alone in the aftermath of what we'd shared together.

After carefully folding the shirt and putting it in my purse, I took a deep breath, got my sobs under control, and walked out the door, remembering at the last minute to lock it behind me. I took the spare key with me. It'd be safer with me than staying under the mat. I didn't want to risk someone breaking in when they realized that he wasn't coming home. And that thought brought on a fresh round of tears.

When I walked into my house, my mother's angry expression immediately changed to one of concern when she saw my face. I could only imagine what I looked like. I ran straight up to my room and shut the door. I wasn't ready to do this with her yet. She knew me too well, and she'd know. She'd know everything without me telling her.

But unfortunately, my door didn't lock and my mom followed me up to my room and sat down on the bed next to me.

"Aria, talk to me," she said.

"I can't," I said, sniffling.

"I know it's something to do with Ezra," she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Nothing else could make you cry this much."

Yep, she knew. I knew she would know. I wondered if it was really true what they said about people looking different after having sex for the first time. I hoped not. That was not a conversation I wanted to have with my mother. What we'd done hadn't been illegal; sixteen was the legal age of consent in Pennsylvania and he wasn't a teacher at the high school anymore. But still. It wasn't exactly the kind of conversation I wanted to have with my mom at all.

"Aria, please tell me what happened," my mom said. "Seeing you like this kills me."

Well, that made two of us who were dead inside.

"He's gone," I sobbed.

"What do you mean, he's gone?" My mom sounded genuinely confused. "Your dad told me he turned down the job in New Orleans."

Oh, was that all he'd told her? God, I hated him. I hated him so much.

"Did he also tell you that he got Ezra fired?" I scoffed.

"What?"

"They fired him yesterday. Said they no longer offer his class. And now he's gone to his mom's house in New York to try to figure out what he's going to do with his life."

"Aria, come here," my mom said.

I sat up and let my mom hug me as I drenched her shirt with my tears. She just sat there and held me for a good ten minutes, not saying anything.

"You weren't with Emily last night, were you?" she finally said.

"No," I said guiltily.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing my back. "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell your dad where you really were. That stays between us. But I am going to give him an earful when he gets home."

Just then, the front door opened and slammed shut.

"Aria!" my dad called.

"I'll deal with it," my mom said. "Stay here."

She walked out of my bedroom and shut the door behind her. I walked up and pressed my ear against the door to listen to the conversation.

"Ella, where the hell is Aria?" my dad yelled. "I got a call that she skipped school today."

"That's the least of your worries, Byron," my mom said. I knew that tone. This wasn't going to end well for him.

"What are you talking about?" my dad screeched. "You knew about this?"

"Yes, I did. And I also know about what you did."

"Don't turn this on me, Ella," he spat. "Our daughter is running around skipping school, and I can bet I know where she is. I'm going to go over there right now and drag her out by her hair."

"She's not at Ezra's," she spat right back. "Because Ezra left town this morning. After _you_ had him fired."

"It's about damn time."

"That's really all you have to say?" my mom scoffed. "Byron, you've just broken your daughter."

"She'll get over it," he said.

"If you could have seen the look on Aria's face when she walked in the door today. She'll never get over this. Not really. And she's going to blame you, and she won't be wrong."

"I'm not the one who did this to us, Ella," my dad challenged.

"Aria's only crime here is falling in love," my mom said. "She's a teenager. She's _supposed_ to fall in love. And quite frankly, the only thing wrong with Ezra is his age. He's respectful, he clearly cares about her, and he was brave enough to tell us, knowing full well what would happen when he did. You're the one who turned this into a war. She didn't do this to us. You did."

I had to smile. Maybe my mom was warming to the idea of this after all. But it didn't matter. Because there was a very good chance I would never see Ezra again.

After a few more minutes of my parents yelling at each other and my mother telling my father that under no circumstances was he allowed to come into my room tonight, my mom came back into my room and shut the door behind her. She came back to the bed and sat down next to me.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

I chuckled dryly. "Well, you can't bring him back, so no."

"I wish I could," she sighed. "Regardless of how I feel about him, I can't in good conscience support your father doing anything at all that leaves you this devastated. If he comes back, I'll make sure your father doesn't cause any more trouble. I'm not condoning this, but I'm not going to stop it either."

I sniffled. "That's a big if. He can't teach anywhere in this town. He's got no reason to come back, other than to pack up the rest of his apartment."

My mom chuckled. "Oh, I think he might realize he's got one reason to come back. If he's smart."

I couldn't help it. I chuckled too, and smiled a little. I hoped she was right.

"Hey, there she is," she said, smiling. "Look, you don't have to tell me what happened last night, but I can guess. And I am going to tell you one thing. If Ezra does come to his senses and come back here, I'm going to give him an earful for leaving you like this the very next day."

I laughed a little. I'd be lucky if Ezra was brave enough to even talk to me again after that conversation.

"Go easy on him," I told her. "It's Dad's fault, not his. And for the love of God, don't tell him you guessed what happened. I'm mortified enough that you did."

"I can't promise to go easy on him," she told me. "But you have my word this conversation doesn't leave this room. I know nothing. Besides, you didn't actually tell me anything. I could be wrong. You could have been playing Parcheesi all night until you called me for all I know."

And that got an actual laugh out of me. She couldn't have at least gone with Scrabble or Monopoly? But in all seriousness, it was things like this that my mom was awesome with. I knew she didn't judge either of us for the choice we'd made. She was just mad at him for making me this upset in the aftermath. But if she did end up talking to him, I knew she wouldn't betray my confidence.

"Listen, sweetie, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to about any of this, but if you need to talk about how you're feeling, I'm here," she said, laughing with me. "I won't judge you and I won't tell anyone what you tell me. I know the person you really want to talk to isn't here and I'm sure you don't want to talk to him about it over the phone."

"Thanks, Mom," I sighed. "But you're right. You are the last person I want to talk to about this. It's nothing personal. It's just not the kind of conversation I really want to have with my mother."

"Oh, I get it. Trust me, I wouldn't have wanted to talk about my first time with your grandmother either," she teased.

"I thought you didn't know anything," I shot back, giggling a little.

"Right. You were playing Parcheesi," she chuckled.

"Parcheesi? Really? You couldn't have at least gone with Scrabble?" I teased.

"Well, I was going to go with Go Fish, but…" my mom laughed.


	2. Damn Near Destroys You

Chapter Two  
 _Damn Near Destroys You_

Two weeks later, I was back at Ezra's apartment. I'd gotten a few texts from him, letting me know he was still in New York and still thinking things through. They were so distant though. At first, he'd sent me a couple of sweet texts telling me that he loved me and he missed me, but then that had stopped and the texts were very generic. Just saying that he was still alive and trying to figure things out. I could understand needing some space, but at the same time I was having a hard time reconciling it. He'd been so sweet and concerned and…just amazing and perfect that night. And now he was being so distant. I didn't get it. Unless he'd decided not to come back and he was trying to distance himself from me. That was a possibility. I didn't want to think about that, but I'd known it was a possibility from the second he'd told me he was leaving.

My friends were with me here at the apartment today, because we needed somewhere private to process everything that was happening to us. We'd just been handed a ton of new evidence pointing us towards A. It was a little easier being here with them. At least I couldn't get lost in my head if they were here. That was until Spencer started talking.

" _Tristan and Isolde, Abelard and Eloise_. Fitz is a sucker for a tragic love story," she said.

My face must have given me away, because she immediately backtracked.

"I so didn't mean that how it sounded," she said. "Have you heard from him?"

"Yeah, he checks in," I lied. "I mean, everything he thought he wanted, he's lost because of me. Guys, I think that it might be over this time. Really over."

Hanna sat on the bed and then flopped down on it. And that, I couldn't take. I didn't know why, but anyone else lying on that bed just irked me.

"Hanna, do you mind?" I said, without thinking. "It's kind of sacred ground."

She shot up, and all three of them looked at me at the same time.

"It is?" they all said in unison.

I just smiled awkwardly and sat down. The cat was out of the bag now.

"Man, you sure can keep a secret," Spencer said.

About half an hour later, being here was just too much to take. I couldn't leave because my friends and I weren't done nailing down our plans for tonight and tomorrow. We knew we were going to Bucks County to a backwater resort Alison had stayed at, but we didn't know where it was or anything else about why we needed to go there. But I needed a minute. I escaped to the bathroom and just sat down on the floor and started crying. After about ten minutes, there was a knock on the door.

"Aria, we can hear you from out here," Spencer said. "Please come out and talk to us."

"We can't help you if we don't know what's going on," Emily said.

"Just leave me alone," I sniffled. "Let me be miserable."

"Aria, we're coming in," Hanna said.

She opened the door, which I hadn't bothered to lock. And not even ten seconds later, I was caught up in a group hug.

"Talk to us, Aria," Spencer said. "We're your friends. Let us help you."

Maybe it would be a good idea to get it out. My friends wouldn't judge me, and they wouldn't tell anyone. And at this rate, I was going to explode just from not telling someone.

"I lied," I said. "He barely checks in at all. And when he does, he just tells me that he's still working through things."

"So, he needs some space right now," Hanna said.

"Hanna, he left the day after that bed out there became sacred ground. I haven't seen him since, and I might as well be talking to a distant uncle with the way his texts are worded these days. He was so sweet at first, even after he left, but now it's like he's not even the same person anymore."

Emily squeezed me tight. "Was it the night you texted to tell me I was your alibi?"

I nodded and a fresh wave of tears came over me, along with all the memories. Again.

"He didn't want me to go," I sniffled. "He said he couldn't stand to watch me walk out of here."

"Aw," Spencer said. "That's adorable."

I chuckled. "Yeah, it was. He was so sweet that night. Said all the right things and made sure I was comfortable. But then I got to watch him leave the next day. That wasn't so adorable. I'm dying a little bit inside every day now, and I can't even tell him because I don't know if he even cares anymore. I can't help thinking that I made a huge mistake sleeping with him."

"You didn't make a mistake, Aria," Emily told me. "You love him. He loves you. And I can bet that the reason he's not calling you and has gotten so distant is because he's handling this separation about as well as you are. If he couldn't let you walk out of here that night, what makes you think he can handle being away from you now? It's probably easier for him to be distant than it is for him to talk to you."

"But what if it's not the reason? What if time has made him reconsider? What if it doesn't mean anything to him anymore? And I may never find out, because I may never see him again."

"Oh, you'll see him again," Spencer said. "If I have to drag him back from New York kicking and screaming so he can explain himself, you'll see him again."

We all chuckled a little. But I had a feeling that it might come to that. Because if he was coming back of his own accord, he would have been back by now.

The next night at the masquerade ball, I got a text from Spencer.

 _Meet me in the courtyard. I have a surprise for you._

I was confused but I obeyed. When I went outside, I walked through the maze of mirrors that lead to the courtyard, and I heard footsteps, but I couldn't see anyone else. This was starting to creep me out, especially since A was supposed to make an appearance tonight too. Maybe that text hadn't been from Spencer at all.

"Hello?" I called nervously.

And then I heard something I hadn't heard in way too long. His voice.

"No matter how hard I try," Ezra said, walking around a corner, "I can't stay away from you."

I gasped and ran up to him. Immediately, I was enveloped in an embrace. He held me so tight I almost couldn't breathe, but I didn't care. I would have rather passed out from lack of oxygen than let him go. I couldn't tell how long we just stood there like that, not saying anything.

"God, I missed you," he finally said, pulling back to look at me.

I chuckled a little and tried to keep back tears, but wasn't entirely successful. A few broke free and fell down under my mask.

"Hey, no tears," he whispered, kissing my forehead. "Not tonight. Come inside with me."

I took his hand and let him lead me inside. I didn't ask him what I wanted to ask. I didn't ask where we stood, if we were even a we anymore, if he was staying. I couldn't. Not right now. Right now, I just needed to be here, in the moment. We stopped in the middle of the dance floor and he pulled me in for a dance, kissing my temple. Our first dance, I realized. And probably our last. He probably wasn't staying. He was probably just coming back to say goodbye. Only a few seconds later, he stopped and pulled back.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"This is our first dance," he said. "I want to see you."

He reached and undid the string on the back of my mask and then pulled it away from my face. Only Ezra could make doing something like that unbelievably sexy. I couldn't help thinking about the fact that a mask wasn't the only thing he'd looked unbelievably sexy taking off of me. But I tried to push that thought back. And then he took off his mask too. The surprise came when, right there, in the middle of the dance floor where everyone could see, he kissed me. I saw a smile on his face as he backed off for just a second, but then apparently he decided that one kiss wasn't enough.

Time seemed to stand still as we kissed and danced that night. We got more than a couple of weird looks and raised eyebrows. But something had changed in him. He didn't seem to care. Why?

And then my cell phone rang. It was Emily. Crap. I had to go. We had to deal with the much bigger problem that was ruining all of our lives right now.

"Hey, Em," I answered. "What's up?"

"It's Spencer," she said. "She found out who A is. Meet us at the entrance."

"I'll be there," I said, and hung up. I turned to Ezra. "It's Spencer. She's in trouble. I'm so sorry, but I have to go."

Ezra kissed me one more time and held me close for a few seconds before speaking.

"Come to the apartment when you're done. Please. I don't care what time it is," he said.

I nodded. "Okay, I will."

Walking away from him right then was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. But I knew I needed to be there for my friends. Just like they'd been there for me through all of this.

We found out Mona was A, and we narrowly saved Spencer's life as we broke every major traffic law in the book trying to get back to the Lost Woods Resort. There was a car accident, and we'd thought Mona was dead for a minute, but then she'd opened her eyes. She was arrested and taken to the police station, where Dr. Sullivan, who had somehow miraculously returned, examined her. As we were walking out of the police station, Toby was standing there, and Spencer got her second chance at happiness. I hoped I would get to go to Ezra's then, but none of the rest of the girls seemed to want to separate, so I stayed with them.

As we walked up to Emily's house, preparing to have a sleepover, the police were there. They'd found Maya's body behind her house. Now I definitely couldn't leave. I'd just have to hope Ezra was still there tomorrow. Because Emily needed me tonight.

We all changed into some of Emily's clothes and sat silently with her in her bedroom, just letting her cry. I felt like I had absolutely no right to be sad or confused about Ezra now. Emily's first love was dead. At least mine was still alive, even if we were over.

At about three in the morning, Spencer looked over at me. Apparently my face gave me away.

"Aria, go," she said. "We've got this. Emily understands."

"What are you talking about?" Hanna asked.

"Ezra's back," Spencer said, smiling. "He was at the dance tonight."

"What are you still doing here, Aria?" Emily said. It was the first thing she'd said all night.

"I'm not going anywhere, Em," I said. "You're more important right now. He'll understand that."

"Go," she said. "I'll be okay. Hanna and Spencer are here."

"It doesn't feel right," I said. "I can't leave. Not now."

"You know what's not right?" Hanna said. "Having to go another second without talking to him. I'm guessing you didn't exactly have a heart-to-heart on the dance floor."

I chuckled. "No, we didn't."

"How long has he been back?" Emily asked through her tears.

"I didn't even know he was back until…wait, Spencer, you didn't actually say something to him, did you?" I asked, suddenly horrified. "You were the one who told me to go to the courtyard. You knew he was here before I did."

Spencer chuckled. "No. And I didn't even have to drag him back here. I ran into him as…as Mona and I were leaving the dance. He asked me where you were, and it was my idea to have him surprise you in the courtyard. I figured you needed at least a few seconds alone with him."

"That was some surprise you had waiting for me," I said, laughing a little.

"I thought you'd like that," she said, chuckling again.

"Aria, get out of here," Hanna said. "Call us tomorrow."

"Em, are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked. I was about to run out the door right now, but it still felt wrong leaving her.

"Yes," she sniffled. "Go."

"Okay. Thank you guys," I said, standing up and walking out of the room. "I promise I'll call you tomorrow."

"Go get him," Spencer said, and got up to give me a hug. "Seriously, call tomorrow. We need details."

"Um, if you haven't noticed, Aria was pretty tight-lipped with the details before. What makes you think you'll get more now?" Hanna teased.

Even Emily laughed.

When I got home and went to get my car, I saw the light still on in the living room. I looked inside and my mom was sitting on the couch by herself. I didn't want to go in and tell her because that would take too long, but even though I had an alibi for tonight, I figured she deserved the truth. After all, she'd basically defended our relationship to my dad. Maybe she was finally starting to come around to the idea. I pulled out my phone and called her as I backed out of the driveway.

"Aria," she answered. "I thought you were at Emily's. Is she okay?"

"She's still kind of in shock," I told my mom. "But all three of them kicked me out of the house."

"Why?" my mom asked, but something in her voice told me she already knew the answer.

"Ezra's back," I told her. "He surprised me at the dance tonight."

My mom chuckled. "Who do you think told him where you were?"

"You weren't too hard on him, were you?" I asked, hoping she hadn't scared him too much.

"I didn't have to be. He was hard enough on himself once I told him how upset you were. I think you're going to have a lot to talk about. That's all I'm going to say. I think he should tell you the rest himself."

"Look, I'm not sure when I'll be home," I said. "He told me he wanted me to come over as soon as I could, and when I'm done talking to him, I need to get back to Emily's."

"Take all the time you need," my mom said. "It's okay. Thank you for telling me the truth this time."

"Would you have actually let me stay with him if I'd told you the truth that night?" I chuckled.

"Well, no, but I appreciate you being honest now. I love you, Aria."

"I love you too, Mom," I said. "Thanks."

It was 3:30 in the morning when I quietly knocked on Ezra's door. He answered within ten seconds. Well, now I didn't have to add apologizing for waking him up to the list of things I had to say. Clearly he'd already been up.

"Aria," he said as he shut the door behind me. "I heard about Maya. I wasn't expecting you to show up tonight. I thought you'd be with Emily."

I went to sit down on the couch. "I wasn't expecting to come. But Emily and Hanna practically threw me out the door when Spencer told them you were back. I guess they all knew where I really needed to be tonight."

He just smiled and hugged me. We sat there like that for a few minutes before he let go and turned so he could look at me.

"So, I got an earful from your mom before the dance," he started.

Well, gee, that was a shocker.

"Did you?" I said.

"Aria, why didn't you say something to me? Why didn't you tell me how upset you were?"

"What exactly did you think leaving the morning after we slept together for the first time was going to do to me, Ezra?" I said, trying to keep back tears. "Make me happy? And it wasn't like I could even talk to anyone about it. I had to just keep it all bottled up. My mom knew I was upset because you were gone, but she didn't know the whole story. Neither did my friends. No one did."

Okay, that wasn't exactly true, but I hadn't actually _told_ my mom anything. And my friends didn't know until yesterday. So pretty much I _had_ had to keep everything bottled up for the better part of two weeks.

A wave of something I'd never seen before flashed across Ezra's face. It was a mixture of pain and something else I couldn't identify. Regret, maybe? Mixed with…love? I couldn't tell. He kissed my forehead and looked like he was trying to keep back his own tears. He was quiet for a few minutes, and I could tell he was trying to find something to say.

"God, Aria, I'm such a jerk," he finally said. "I was so selfish. I left trying to spare myself the pain of staying and prolonging the inevitable and I didn't stop to think about how that would make you feel. Apparently I thought one text message would be enough to convey my feelings. I'm an idiot. The truth is, there aren't words to express how I feel about that night. It was almost all I could think about while I was gone. And I should have told you that as many times as it took for you to understand."

I was crying by the time he was done. Well, at least he'd admitted he was a jerk. And at least I knew that what happened between us still meant something to him too.

"Yeah, you should have," I sniffled. "I didn't tell you how upset I was because I thought it would be obvious. I thought it was obvious that morning. You sent me those texts and I was sure you knew. I knew it meant something to you at the time. But then you got so distant, I thought time and distance had changed your mind about me. So how could I tell you that being away from you killed me inside a little bit every day? I didn't think you cared anymore."

And by that point I was bawling. Big, ugly tears. I couldn't help it. I was so upset. So confused. Now here he was being sweet again. I didn't get it. And on top of everything else that had happened tonight, I just couldn't deal with this.

"Oh, God," Ezra said, his voice breaking as he started to cry too. "Aria, come here."

He pulled me back into his arms and then a few seconds later pulled me into his lap. And he didn't say anything for a little while. He just held me tight and kissed my hair and my forehead over and over as sobs literally shook my entire body. With every shake, he just tightened his embrace. I was so upset that I almost didn't even want to let him touch me right now, but I didn't have the strength to stop it. Because at the same time, this was what I'd been aching for since the day he'd left.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly after about ten minutes. "I'm so stupid. I should be locked up."

Well, now I saw what my mom had meant when she said that he was hard enough on himself. I hoped he hadn't said that to her. She might have actually agreed with him. Out loud.

"That might be a little extreme," I sniffled.

"No, it's not," Ezra insisted. "I don't even recognize the guy who could hurt the person he loves more than anything else in this world the way I hurt you. If I'm actually capable of hurting the woman I love like that, I don't deserve to see the light of day again, let alone have someone as incredible as you in my life. I should have picked up the damn phone and called you. More than that, I should never have left. I should have known that here with you is where I belong."

Wait, what? What had he just said?

"What?" I asked, still a little too upset and in shock to process everything.

"You heard me," he said, kissing my hair again. "I love you. More than anything else in this world. And I'm not going anywhere. As long as you're here, this is where I'm going to be too. I'll make things work out somehow. Assuming you still want anything to do with me after how horribly I treated you."

Wait, he was actually giving up teaching for me? Altogether? Not just moving from one school to the other, but giving up his chosen profession to stay here with me? That was insane.

"I don't know what to say," I told him.

"Say you forgive me," he said, sounding like it was a plea for his life. "And please, for the love of God, say you still love me. And that you still want me in your life."

I sighed. I wasn't quite sure it was going to be as easy as that. I still loved him, of course. And God, did I still want to be with him. But we couldn't just pick up where we left off. I'd need some time to completely forgive him. And probably even more time to work up the nerve to sleep with him again. Even though I'd known he was leaving, it had still stung for him to wake up the next morning and decide to skip town like a bat out of hell right then and there. I'd thought we would at least have a few days.

"I never stopped loving you, Ezra," I finally said. "That's why what you did hurt me so much. And I do still want to be with you. But it's going to take some time for me to really forgive you and for us to get back to where we were before you left."

Ezra breathed a sigh of relief. "I can handle that. Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

I kissed him, and though it started out as just a little peck, it quickly deepened. I wasn't entirely sure which of us was responsible for that, but he was the one who broke the kiss, gasping for breath.

"That wasn't a whole lot of time," he chuckled.

"Oh, I'm still mad at you," I clarified. "But I think a kiss was in order after you just told me you're giving up teaching to stay here with me. You do know that's crazy, right?"

"Maybe," he said, chuckling again. "But people do crazy things for love, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I teased. "I only slept with someone I knew was going to leave town."

Ezra looked absolutely heartbroken, and I immediately regretted saying that. I wasn't trying to upset him. I was trying to tell him that I knew the way I'd been feeling was partially my own fault. I'd made a decision in the heat of the moment knowing that he was going to be leaving town. I didn't know it would be the next day, but I did know it would happen.

"When you're ready, I would really, really like a do-over," he said, kissing my head. "You deserve…so much better than that. You deserve epic romance."

I chuckled. That wasn't where he'd messed up by a long shot. Now, knowing that he still loved me, I still melted into a puddle thinking of how sweet and romantic he'd been that night.

"I think you got the epic romance part down," I told him. "It's the morning after that could use a little work. And by a little, I mean a lot of work."

He chuckled too. "Maybe. I still think the entire thing could be improved on. Either way, I swear to God, I will spend the rest of my life making the past two weeks up to you any way I can."

"Well, can you start by letting me crash here for a few hours before I go back to Emily's?" I asked, yawning. "I'm exhausted. A lot's happened tonight. Which I promise I will tell you about, but not right now. I'm too tired."

"Of course," he said. "Are you okay in those clothes? Or do you want a t-shirt?"

"No, I'm fine in Emily's sweats. Besides, I may or may not need to return a certain t-shirt to you already," I confessed. "I will not confirm or deny whether I took it home with me."

"I was wondering where that shirt went," he laughed. "But it looks better on you anyway. Keep it. Now, go on and go to bed. I'll take the couch."

I smiled. He really was willing to completely start from scratch if I wanted. But he didn't need to go that extreme. Especially after everything I'd been through tonight, between this and Mona and Maya. I kind of needed him with me.

"You don't have to take the couch," I told him. "Honestly, after everything that's happened tonight, I don't really want to sleep alone."

"Okay," he said, kissing me quickly before letting me get up.

I went and curled up in the bed and he turned off the lights and got in behind me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. I felt his intake of breath and realized he was breathing in my smell. I'd thought that was something only girls did, but apparently not. Apparently men could get just as sappy and sentimental as women could.

"Good night, Aria," Ezra whispered right into my ear, kissing my head. "I love you."

"I love you too," I murmured, closing my eyes and letting myself drift off to sleep.


	3. Feels a Lot Like Sorrow

Chapter Three  
 _Feels a Lot Like Sorrow_

I stood in the graveyard with my three best friends as we watched Maya's coffin being lowered into the ground. Emily was crying uncontrollably, and Hanna, Spencer, and I caught her up in a group hug, trying to quiet her sobs. I wasn't sure how much help I was though. I was still processing too much. I was sad about Maya and in shock over Mona.

And then there was Ezra. I didn't know what kind of emotion I was feeling about him. Everything in me was telling me that he meant it when he told me how sorry he was. He'd certainly done everything he could to prove that to me. He had given me space to work through everything and had been supportive of me spending most of my time with Emily right now while she was grieving over Maya. I hadn't told him about Mona yet. I wanted to, but that was the kind of thing you told someone you trusted completely. Three weeks ago, that would have been him. But then look where my trusting him completely had gotten me. Two weeks of heartache and confusion. I knew he understood where I was coming from but I could also tell that my being so distant killed him.

I wasn't trying to give him a taste of his own medicine or anything. But really. I was sixteen. He'd always treated me like an adult, and sometimes it seemed like he forgot that I still had fears and insecurities just like any other teenage girl. And he'd done to me exactly what every girl with a pulse was terrified of the first guy they slept with doing. He'd changed completely afterwards. And now here he was being the sweet and caring guy I'd fallen in love with again. How was I supposed to feel about that?

But the thing was, I still loved him. And I knew he still loved me. That much was evident. It was almost more difficult not to fall back into old habits with him than it was worth. Not saying I wanted to hop back into bed with him (except maybe to sleep-I'd been scared that I would have nightmares about Mona that night but I hadn't and I knew it was because I was with him). But just falling back into old patterns. Going over to his apartment on Saturdays and watching movies together. Yes, the frequent make-out sessions on the couch. Being able to talk to him about anything and everything and not being afraid of being judged. Like when I'd told him about Jenna. But something was stopping me. I didn't know what. And with everything else going on in my life, I didn't have the energy to work it out.

I happened to look across the hole in the ground that Maya's body was being lowered into, and I saw Ezra standing there. He looked sad and upset. To anyone else, it would have seemed like he was upset over Maya. And while I was sure he was at least a little upset about her, I knew why he was really upset. He was upset about me. About us. And he was still beating himself up over leaving me the way he did. I hated seeing him like this, but I couldn't quite tell him that I'd forgiven him yet. I would have been lying.

I remembered the last funeral we had been to together. Ian's funeral. He had just started teaching at Hollis and we had been talking about taking a step towards telling people about us. He had come to the funeral with the intention of taking that next step but had folded when he saw my parents. It hadn't been the right moment and I knew that, but it didn't make it any easier. Because what I had wanted more than anything that day was a hug from him. Right there at the funeral, not later in secret at his apartment. But he'd been too scared to do it. Too scared of the questions people would ask.

I couldn't help wondering if today would be different. If now, in the light of day, when we weren't concealed by the darkness of the dance floor and caught up in the moment, he would be brave enough to be seen with me. And not just standing next to me. Be seen _with_ me. As something more than just his former student. It wouldn't magically make everything better, but it would be something. A step in the right direction. Towards building the trust in him that I'd lost back up.

As soon as the funeral was over, everyone started walking towards their cars. Hanna, Spencer, and I stayed with Emily as she just stood there at Maya's grave crying. And then I realized that maybe what she needed right now was for us to _not_ be there. To have her own private moment to say goodbye to the girl she loved.

"Guys, let's give Em a minute," I said quietly. "Let her say goodbye."

Hanna and Spencer nodded.

"We'll be right over there, Em," Spencer said, pointing towards a tree that had no one around it. "Take all the time you need."

We left Emily grieving and walked away. And as I walked towards the tree with my friends among the rest of the people who were still leaving, I felt a hand on my shoulder. A gentle and caring touch I would know anywhere. I turned around to find Ezra standing there. Almost as soon as I was facing him, he was pulling me in and crushing me against his chest. I felt his breath on my scalp and realized he was burying his face in my hair.

I just stood there and melted against him, powerless to do anything else. God, I needed this. I needed him. But it still hurt too much. If I was being honest, I was scared. Scared of being hurt again. But then I'd told myself before that what he was doing now would be a step in the right direction. And it was. It showed me that he wasn't afraid of what people thought anymore.

"Are you okay?" he asked me quietly.

"I don't know," I said truthfully. "Maya was a sweet girl. She wouldn't have hurt a fly. I don't understand how anyone could do this to her. And I'm just so sad for Emily. Hanna, Spencer, and I are staying with her tonight. We don't want her to be alone."

"I had a feeling," he chuckled. "She's lucky to have friends like you."

I smiled. I knew he wasn't talking about friends like _us_. He was talking about me specifically. And I melted a little. He really did think the world of me, even now when I was being so cold and distant towards him. He loved me.

I realized that we needed to talk. I needed to explain myself. Tell him what my hold-up was. If I could find the words. He deserved that much at least. He'd explained himself to me. Told me where he'd been coming from when he left. I owed him an explanation for why I was being so distant now.

"Look, Ezra—" I started.

"Aria, stop," Ezra cut me off. "I told you to take the time you needed and I meant it. I'm the one who screwed up. Something like what I did doesn't just magically go away. I know that. It's a process. And when you're ready, I'll still be here. If you want me. I didn't come here today for an explanation or to try to convince you to take me back. I came because I care about you and I wanted to be here for you."

"I appreciate it," I sighed. "And I'm getting there. Really, I am. But I'm just dealing with a lot right now."

"I know. That's okay. Just know I'm here. For whatever you need," he said, putting his hand on my face and kissing my forehead, still keeping one hand behind my back.

I saw a couple of people stop and do a double take seeing us together like this. It was all too obvious he wasn't just a guy giving his former student a hug. This was a pretty intense and intimate moment, and anyone could see it.

"Wait," I heard someone say. "Wasn't he her teacher? I wonder if her parents know."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. And so did Ezra.

"Small towns. Gotta love 'em," I giggled.

"Yep," he chuckled, giving me a kiss.

He backed up almost as soon as his lips touched mine, like he'd remembered that I was still working through things. That we were on a hiatus right now. But right at this second, I didn't care. I needed this. I pulled him back in and kissed him, and he pulled me closer by the small of my back, still keeping one hand on my face.

"I love you," he whispered as he broke the kiss a minute or so later.

Tears from all of the emotions I'd been feeling today fell, and he wiped them away with his thumb. And right now I questioned why we were apart. I wanted to say something, but in my peripheral vision, I saw Hanna, Spencer, and Emily waiting for me.

"I have to go," I said, barely above a whisper. "I'll call you soon."

He nodded and gave me another, much briefer, kiss. "I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks," I said, turning and walking towards my friends.

Spencer raised her eyebrows at me as I walked up to them.

"What?" I asked.

"You want to tell me what that was, Miss 'I'm Still Working Through Things'?" she asked.

"Don't you know a kiss when you see one?" Hanna chuckled.

"Of course I know a kiss when I see one," she shot back. "I'm questioning _why_ I just saw a kiss when Aria's supposed to be taking time to work things out."

"How did today become about me?" I deflected. "Last I checked, today was about Maya."

"Whatever," Hanna said. "Come on, let's get back to Em's. I'll see you guys there."

"Yeah, see you there," I said, still thinking about everything. How in an instant I was questioning why I wasn't with Ezra. But today wasn't the time for that. I could deal with that tomorrow.

I was at Emily's house within ten minutes and we were all in her bedroom in our pajamas within another fifteen minutes, settling in for a girls' day/night. I'd slept in Ezra's old Hollis shirt pretty much every night since I'd taken it, and today was no exception. I was wearing it with a pair of old yoga pants that had since become pajama pants.

"Em, how are you holding up?" I asked. "You haven't said a word since the funeral."

"Can we not talk about me right now?" she asked. "Can we talk about something else?"

"We absolutely can," Spencer said. "We can talk about what in the hell Aria thinks she's doing with Ezra."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I'm talking about the fact that one day you're bawling your eyes out over him leaving the day after he slept with you and saying you don't know if you'll ever be able to trust him again and the next day I need a cold shower after seeing you two kiss in the cemetery. Oh, and I'm about ninety-eight percent sure that t-shirt you're wearing right now isn't yours. So you want to tell us what you think you're doing? Besides stringing him along."

"It's complicated," I said. "I hate to say this, but until you've been there, until you've experienced something like that, you don't know. You have no idea how bad it hurts."

Hanna sighed. "Look, maybe Spencer doesn't get it. But I do. Remember what happened with Caleb?"

That was right. Right after Hanna and Caleb had taken that step, she'd thought he was working for A. He hadn't been, and now they were better than ever, but still. For a while, she'd been exactly where I was now.

"I remember," I said.

"He had to work long and hard to win me back. To win my trust back. I know Ezra has to earn your trust back too. But from where I'm sitting, he's working about ten times as hard as Caleb did," Hanna said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Aria, he gave up teaching for you. He came back to Rosewood solely because this is where you are. And he's sitting there just waiting for you to come back to him," Emily said. "He told you to take all the time you need to work through things because he wants you back."

I turned to look at Emily, shocked she was even speaking at all. She'd seemed to be kind of shell-shocked all day.

"It doesn't excuse him acting so distant. Not picking up his cell phone and calling me. Not realizing that even though he treats me like an adult, I'm still a teenage girl with fears and insecurities," I countered.

"So he's a guy," Hanna said. "And he did a stupid guy thing. Show of hands, who here has had their boyfriend do a stupid guy thing at some point in their relationship?"

I chuckled a little and raised my hand. Ezra had done his share of stupid guy things even before this. So did everyone else in the room. Even Mrs. Fields, who had come in to check on us.

"Sorry, ladies, I didn't mean to interrupt," she said. "I just wanted to let you know that lunch is ready whenever you are. But for the record, Wayne has done plenty of stupid guy things over the years. But I still love him and I can't imagine my life without him."

"See, Aria, guys are stupid sometimes. Even the really great ones. But it doesn't mean that you leave them. You give them a second chance. Maybe even a third chance," Hanna said.

"I don't know what's going on, Aria, but I have to agree with Hanna. Whatever this guy has done, if he's worth it, if you love him, you can't let it stop you from trying to make it work," Mrs. Fields said.

I suddenly realized that Emily had raised her hand too when Hanna had asked for a show of hands. That was odd.

"Wait, Emily, why did you raise your hand?" I asked.

"I _did_ date Ben, remember?" she said.

"I like how we're here after her girlfriend's funeral and she's talking about her ex-boyfriend," Spencer chuckled.

We all laughed a little, even Emily.

"Maya would have wanted two people who love each other as much as Aria and Ezra do to find a way to work it out," Emily said. "There would have been nothing in the world that made her happier."

"It's not as easy as that," I sighed. "It's a process."

"Maybe it should be as easy as that," Hanna said. "Who says it has to be a process?"

"So you're saying I should just jump back in right where we left off? I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"No one's saying that," Spencer said. "You don't have to jump back into everything right away. But you have to start somewhere."

"How?" I asked. "Where do I even start?"

"By telling him that you love him," she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "By stopping whatever this ridiculous hiatus nonsense is. Who's it helping? It's not helping you. And it's certainly not helping him. He looked like he was at his own funeral today."

"Have you even told him about Mona yet?" Emily asked. "I know he knows about Maya, but did you actually tell him about the other huge thing you're dealing with right now?"

"No," I admitted. "I haven't told him about Mona."

"There you go," Hanna said. "He deserves to know. He'd want to be here for you while you're trying to process that. You know that."

"I know," I sighed. "He does deserve to know. And there was a time about three weeks ago when he would have been the first one I told about her. When I trusted him more than anyone else in the world. When I trusted him even more than I trust you guys."

"So maybe you don't jump in where you left off," Emily suggested. "Maybe you press rewind. Maybe you go back to before that night. Before he broke your trust."

"How can I?"

"By letting go," Hanna said. "Let go of it. All of it. Even the good parts. The parts that make you melt into a puddle and fall in love with him all over again. Because I'm sure there were plenty of those parts that night to balance out the bad parts the next couple of weeks."

I smiled. "There were. Tons."

"That's why it hurts so much," she said. "Trust me. I know. Because I had such a hard time reconciling how incredible Caleb was that night with what I thought I found out about him. You're hurting so much because you can't reconcile what Ezra did by leaving and distancing himself from you with how amazing he was that night. So you have to let go. And when you're ready to try again, you'll have new memories to replace those ones with. Even better memories. Because I would bet money he's not going to hurt you like that again."

"I guess you're right," I sighed. "But it's not like I can just forget it."

"Of course you can't," Spencer said. "But just don't give it the importance you've been giving it. Start fresh. Clean slate."

"Why are you guys pushing this so hard?" I asked.

"Because we love you and we hate seeing you so miserable," Hanna said. "And that's why Emily understands that you have somewhere else you need to be right now."

"Go get him," Emily said.

"I'm not going anywhere today, Em," I said. "I'm pretty sure he'll still be there tomorrow."

"You said today is about Maya," she countered. "Well, Maya would have wanted to see you happy. So you can honor her memory by going and making things right with Ezra. That's what she would want."

"Okay," I chuckled. "I'll be back later."

"And this time, we really do need details," Spencer teased.

"I don't kiss and tell," I shot back.

Emily started crying a little.

"Em?" Hanna asked. "What is it?"

"I remember when Maya said that to Ben," she said, chuckling through her tears. "I was so embarrassed."

We all chuckled, and I left a few minutes later with a promise to come back when I was done at Ezra's. I honestly didn't even know what to say to him. How to tell him that I just wanted to press rewind. That I wanted to skip the long and drawn out process and just go back to being us. Two people who looked wrong but were so right and perfect together.

"Aria," Ezra said as he opened the door, looking completely shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"Look," I sighed as I walked into the oh-so-familiar apartment and heard the door shut behind me, trying to keep tears back. "You were right today. It's a process. I have to forgive you. I have to take time and work myself up to being able to trust you again. And you have to prove to me that I _can_ trust you."

"Aria, I—" he started.

"I'm not done," I cut him off as the tears started to fall. "You're right. It's a process. But can we just not do that and say we did? Can we just skip it? Can we press rewind? Can we just be… _us_ again? I'm tired of all the heartache. I'm tired of being mad at you. I'm tired of not being with you. I'm just tired. I don't want time, Ezra. I just want us back."

Ezra didn't say anything. He just closed the gap between us in under a second and the next thing I knew I was wrapped in his arms. And I just kept crying, letting all of the heartache and confusion of the past three weeks out. Letting it all go, just like Hanna had said. Letting myself just get back to being the girl who was madly in love with the guy who had stolen her heart from the second she'd met him. And eventually the tears subsided completely.

"I love you," I sniffled, barely above a whisper.

He pulled back to look at me, wiping the tears off my cheeks and cupping my face in his hands. And I melted seeing the absolute love and adoration written all over his face.

"Aria," he breathed, and his lips were on mine.

I couldn't tell how long the kiss lasted. It seemed to go on forever and take only a second at the same time. It seemed to wash away all of the pain of the past three weeks. For both of us. It reminded me of why I'd been with him in the first place. And it made me fall in love with him all over again.

But then I remembered there was another reason I was here today. I needed to tell him about Mona. So I unwillingly broke the kiss and pulled back, barely creating any space at all between us. I could still feel the heat of his breath on my face.

"We should probably sit down," I said quietly. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay," he said, giving me one more soft, sweet kiss that made me weak at the knees.

We walked over to the couch and sat down, but apparently he decided that sitting next to me wasn't close enough, because he pulled me onto his lap within two seconds. I just melted into his embrace again for a minute before taking a deep breath and pulling back to look at him.

"Look, I promised you the night you came back that I would tell you everything that happened," I started. "But I didn't. And I need to. Because it's something that's been happening since we met. And it's finally over. It ended that night, and it's a huge part of what I've been dealing with for the past week."

"What are you talking about?" he asked me. "It wasn't just about Maya?"

"No," I sighed. "Not by a long shot. Um, do you remember back when we first started seeing each other? The night I left my cell phone here? The text that was signed from A?"

"Yes, I remember," Ezra said, brushing my hair back from my face. "You wouldn't tell me who it was."

"I didn't know who it was," I told him. "But A made my life and all of my friends' lives a living hell. A knew things about us that no one should have known. Like about you and me. And that Emily was gay before she came out. Because she'd only ever told our friend Alison. And things about Hanna and Spencer that only Alison knew. We never knew how this person knew any of this; we just knew they did. And they knew things about Alison's disappearance that no one knew. Not us, not the police, no one. At first A just taunted us with this knowledge and it was like a childish game. Like sending that text to me. But then it escalated. It was A who ran Hanna over with the car and put her in the hospital."

"Jesus," he sighed.

"Oh, it gets better. You'll love this," I told him. "And by love it, I mean be really grateful for it and completely creeped out by it at the same time."

"Okay…I'm confused."

"So, when Noel saw us in your car and tried to blackmail you? And you almost resigned and left town?"

"And then he got caught stealing answers to midterms," he finished.

"He didn't steal the answers," I told him. "Well, I should probably back up a little. Hanna actually saw us that night. The night you asked me to meet you in the woods during Mona's party. She was in the woods with binoculars trying to watch for A, because A had told us that they were going to show up at the party. I had no idea that she was there and could see us. If I had known where she was holding her stake-out, I would have told you to meet me somewhere else. But anyway, she saw Noel writing 'I see you' on your car. So she thought Noel was A. We all did. Yes, I told my friends about us then because Hanna thought he was A and they wanted to know what she saw that made her think that. I'm sorry I lied to you about that."

Ezra chuckled and kissed me. "I think we're way past me getting mad at you for telling your friends about us. I have no room to get mad at you for anything at this point."

"Stop. I told you, we're pressing rewind. This is a clean slate."

He chuckled again as he squeezed me tight. "Okay. Continue."

"Right. Where was I?"

"Hanna seeing Noel writing on my car. Which I really should have washed so he couldn't do that."

I laughed. "Okay, so then Noel tried to blackmail you into changing his grade. Which to me was even further proof that he was A. But then on the day that you were going to resign, we saw Hackett having Noel escorted out of the school."

"Right."

"Right after we saw that, all four of us got a text. It said 'A is for Alison, not Amateur.' A had planted the answers on Noel so you could stay."

"Wait. A ran Hanna over with a car and then helped you by planting those midterm answers on Noel? That makes absolutely no sense."

"That's what I said. We were all over at Spencer's house that night and I kid you not, I literally said, 'I don't know who I'm more scared of. A the bitch who tried to flatten Hanna or A our new frenemy.'"

Ezra chuckled a little. "You're right. I'm creeped out and immensely grateful at the same time. You have no idea how much it killed me thinking I was going to have to leave you. Any of the times it happened. I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too. But I'm not done. Not even close."

"Sorry. Keep going."

I kept talking for at least another hour. Telling him everything. About Ian, about Dr. Sullivan, about the crazy scavenger hunt A had sent us on that ended in me trying to get Jackie to resign from Hollis by telling her that I knew her published paper had been plagiarized and how it had backfired on me because she was jealous of us, everything. How A was the reason the girls and I got arrested and had to do community service. How my mom said that she knew I was being bullied and that was apparently part of the reason they wanted to send me to boarding school (though I didn't believe that for a second, and neither did he—we both knew it was because of us and nothing else). Every little detail leading up to the night of the masquerade ball and us finding out that Mona was the one doing this to us.

I was crying by the time I was done. I'd never actually said it all out loud. Everything we'd been through. Ezra just sat there and held me tight, letting me cry and occasionally kissing my forehead or my hair.

"I don't even know what to say, Aria," he finally said. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. I understand why you didn't tell me sooner, but I wish you had. I wish I would have known so I could have done something to help you."

"You did help me," I told him. "This entire year, things were insane. I didn't feel safe anywhere. Not at school, not at my own house, nowhere. Except here. With you. I would come here, and for a little while, I was safe. Nothing and no one could hurt me while I was with you. That's how I know we're right together. It's a huge part of why I love you so much. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, but on the flip side of that coin, it's a huge part of why you leaving the way you did hurt me so much. Because you're the one person in the world I feel completely safe with. And then you were gone after I'd trusted you so completely. You left me here to deal with everything in my life on my own. Without having this apartment and you as a safe place to escape to. I don't know if I'm making any sense."

"No, you are," Ezra said. "God, Aria. I know saying this now is too little too late, but if I'd known you were dealing with all of this, I never would have left. I shouldn't have left regardless, but now I feel even worse about it. And don't tell me we're pressing rewind. Because the reality is we can't. I did things I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I violated your trust in the worst way. If I heard about anyone else doing what I did, I would want to kick that guy halfway into next week. But that guy was me, and I still can't understand how I ever thought leaving that morning and not even bothering to call you for two weeks was an okay thing to do. I only cared about my own pain and I didn't even stop to think about the pain I was causing you. Your mom told me she was literally checking your room for razor blades while I was gone. I can't even begin to describe to you how much hearing that killed me. You're the one person in this whole world that I never wanted to hurt and I hurt you to your very core. And nothing I can do is ever going to make up for that. It would serve me right if you told me you never wanted to see me again."

And just like that, the last little bit of a grudge I'd been holding against Ezra crumbled away. I forgave him. Completely. Seeing how much pain he was in over what he did to me, I couldn't be mad at him anymore. Not even a little bit. All of the hurt and anger was gone.

"But I'm not going to tell you that," I told him. "Instead, I'm going to tell you that I never want to spend another day in my life without you. I forgive you, Ezra. And I love you. More than I knew it was possible to love another person. I just want my safe place back. I just want you back."

"You never lost me, Aria," Ezra said. "I've been yours since the second you told me you'd just gotten back from Iceland. Since B26 played on the jukebox. I love you more than anything in the world. And I fervently hope that you still feel as safe with me as you used to. Because I promise you, you are. I'll never let anyone hurt you again if I can help it."

I couldn't even come up with anything to say in response. So I just kissed him instead. He pulled me closer and put a hand on my neck as the kiss deepened. I couldn't even tell how long we just sat there letting our lips and tongues do the talking for us, only stopping for brief moments to catch our breath. I only noticed it was getting later when I saw it getting darker from his window. And as much as I hated to leave, I knew I had to get back to Emily's. I'd promised her I would be back. Unwillingly, I pulled back.

"I really, really hate to say this, but I have to get back to Emily's," I sighed.

Ezra kissed me again. "I know. But I don't want to let you go."

"Well, I didn't say I wasn't coming back," I teased.

He chuckled; I was sure my saying that brought back memories for him. Memories of a night long ago, before any of this happened. Before life got too real.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," I promised, and kissed him one last time before getting up off his lap. "I'm all yours."

He smiled and got up to walk me to the door. And just as we got there, he pulled me back in and kissed me again. Almost without even thinking, I pulled him closer by his lower back. He responded by picking me up and pressing me against the door; I wrapped my legs around his waist to help hold myself up. And I suddenly realized how easy it would be to fall right back into where we were before he left. Right before he left. It would be hard for me to resist just going back to bed with him. Though for my own sense of dignity, I had to for at least a little while. Until I was really ready. But I knew he wouldn't push me. He'd always been a gentleman and respected my boundaries. I knew that wouldn't change now. After about ten minutes, I pulled back.

"So this is me leaving," I panted, out of breath.

He laughed and kissed my nose as he set me back down. "This is me letting you leave."

I opened the door and sighed as I walked out. Ezra pulled me back and kissed me one last time, but much softer and sweeter than the past hour (or two?) had been. This wasn't trying to start anything up again. This was a goodbye kiss.

"I love you," he said softly, almost a whisper.

"I love you too," I said, smiling. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Can't wait," he said.

I gave him one last quick kiss goodbye and then turned and headed back down the stairs, feeling like my life had completely changed. Suddenly, everything was great. There was no more faceless foe tormenting me and I'd managed to reconcile with the man I loved when it had seemed like it would be impossible to get past the obstacles in our way. But, like it had so many times before, our love for each other had defied logic and reason and had beaten the odds.


	4. You Just Let It In

Chapter Four  
 _You Just Let It In_

I got back into my car and looked at myself in the rearview mirror. My hair was a mess. But then what did I expect after that make-out session pressed against the door of Ezra's apartment? I did the best I could with it, but it needed a brush. Badly. I'd hear something about it when I got back to Emily's for sure. I sighed and giggled a little as I turned the key in the ignition.

When I walked back into Emily's room, everyone was looking at me expectantly. I wasn't going to be the first to say something, so I waited for someone else to start talking. It was at least a good minute before anyone spoke.

"Okay, come on, the suspense is killing me," Hanna finally said. "What happened?"

"I told you, I don't kiss and tell," I giggled.

Spencer raised her eyebrows at me.

"Um, I'm pretty sure your hair tells the whole story. Do you need to borrow a brush?" she chuckled.

I laughed. "Yes, actually. Please."

"Seriously, though, what happened?" Emily asked.

"Well, I basically walked in and told him I didn't want time. That I wanted to skip the part where we spend time apart and he lets me sort through my feelings. That I wanted to just get back to being us again. And then I took probably a good hour and a half or two telling him everything about what we've gone through with Mona," I said.

"How'd he take that?" Spencer asked as she handed me the hairbrush out of her overnight bag.

"He said that he wished I'd told him sooner so he could have done something to help me. And then I told him that he did help me. That through all this insanity the times when I was there in his apartment with him were the only times I really felt safe. And that was a big part of the reason why his leaving the way he did hurt me so much."

"So you did the thing where you sorted through your feelings anyway," Hanna said.

"Yeah, pretty much," I chuckled. "And actually he broke my heart when he told me how awful he feels about leaving the way he did and not calling me. Apparently my mom told him that she was checking my room for razor blades while he was gone. And something tells me he considered using razor blades himself when he heard that. He was so devastated. And I literally just couldn't be mad at him anymore. It was impossible."

"I really hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I can only imagine how hard it is to see him upset," Spencer said. "He must look like a wounded puppy."

"Oh, you have no idea. It's bad. Anyway, you guys will be very proud of me. I told him that I forgave him and that I didn't want to spend another day without him. That I just wanted him back. And then…" I trailed off.

"And then what?" Hanna finally asked. "Come on, you're killing us here."

"I can't draw out the suspense at all with you guys, can I?" I teased.

"No, you can't," Spencer said. "We've been waiting to hear about this conversation for a week. So what did he say when you told him you wanted him back?"

"He told me I never lost him," I said, smiling hugely. "And that he loves me more than anything. And like Spencer said, I think my hair tells the rest of the story."

"Aww," Emily said. "I'm glad I told you to go. Seriously, I can just see Maya smiling right now. She would have loved a happy ending to this."

"I hope you guys don't mind me ditching you in the morning," I said. "I kind of told him I'd spend the day with him."

"So much for not jumping in right where you left off," Hanna teased.

"Hey," I shot back. "I have a little more dignity than that. This hair is not from…that."

"Sure it's not," Spencer said sarcastically. "Then what's it from?"

"I didn't say we didn't make out. Just that it didn't go to the bedroom," I said, blushing. "There. You happy? Now you know everything."

"Well, technically it did go to the bedroom since in that apartment the living room and the bedroom are the same room," Hanna giggled. "So unless you were in the kitchen…no, wait, that's still the same room."

We all laughed. She was right. Ezra did have the smallest apartment on the planet.

"Okay, I think we can let up on Aria now," Emily said, rubbing my back. "Though I am glad you said something, Spencer. I wanted to but I didn't think it was my place."

"Me too," I agreed. "Thank you guys for talking some sense into me. I probably would have taken about another month to come to the same realization on my own."

"What are friends for?" Hanna asked.

"What she said," Spencer agreed.

"Really? You needed a cold shower after seeing us in the cemetery?" I chuckled.

Everyone laughed.

"She wasn't the only one," Hanna said. "I think we all needed some ice water after that."

A few weeks later, I was over at Hanna's house on a Friday night. Spencer and Toby had a date night planned and Emily was catching up on missed homework from the week of school she'd missed when she found out about Maya. Ezra had wanted me to come to his place, but Caleb was away visiting his mom. So Hanna and I had decided to go get mani/pedis after school and just hang out at her place. Her mom was away at a conference, so it was just us.

"So, how are things with Ezra?" she asked.

I smiled. Things had been amazing with Ezra. We'd fallen back into old patterns easily, and it was almost like the whole nightmare after he'd gotten fired had never happened. Almost. It was still there, lingering in the background. I hadn't been lying when I'd said that I'd forgiven him. I had, one hundred percent. But something was still holding me back from completely letting my guard down. He was still being the respectful gentleman I'd fallen in love with though. Just like before any of this happened, he was taking things at my pace. And if we were being honest, I wasn't sure he was ready to try again yet either. I'd forgiven him, but something told me he hadn't really forgiven himself.

"They're good," I told her.

"Okay, how about if we try the truth?" Hanna said, giving me a pointed look. "That is not the face of someone whose relationship is going good."

"No, really, they're good," I insisted. "We're back to where we used to be."

"Where you used to be three months ago or where you used to be a few weeks ago?"

Damn. She was good.

"Where we were before this all happened," I said.

She sighed. "And let me guess. He's not saying one word about anything that happened and neither are you. And you're taking things slowly."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked. "I'm not the only one who got hurt. He did too. Granted, he did it to himself, but still. We need to take things slowly. Rebuild the trust."

Hanna paused, looking like she was trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say. It was at least a minute before she spoke again.

"Okay, stop me if I go too far," she finally said. "Look, I know he hurt you. And I think I'm the only one you'd be comfortable talking to about this who completely gets what you went through. I know it's a special kind of hurt that doesn't really heal no matter how much time goes by. When I think about going through that with Caleb, it still stings a little. But how long are you going to punish Ezra for what he did?"

"I'm not punishing him, Hanna," I retorted. "We're just taking it slowly. He's respecting my boundaries and he's not going to jump back into anything with me before I'm comfortable with it."

"Okay, let me try this a different way," Hanna said. "Why did you want Ezra back? Why didn't you just leave him after he did that to you?"

"Because I love him," I said, unsure of where she was going with this.

"Right. You love him. So you trust him."

I paused for a second, and she spoke again before I could come up with a response to what she'd just said.

"Aria, you can't have love without trust. And I think you know deep down that he's not going to hurt you like that again. You've known that since the night he came back and literally started crying when he saw how upset you were."

I sighed. She was right.

"I know," I told her. "I just don't know if I'm ready to sleep with him again so soon."

"Why?" Hanna asked. "Because it's real this time? Because he's _not_ going to leave in the morning? Did you sleep with him that time because you knew he was going to leave town? Not the next day, but you knew he was leaving for a while to work through things. Did you sleep with him then so you wouldn't have to face your relationship changing? Are you not ready for a more mature relationship with him?"

…Wow. I'd never thought about it like that. And now I had to think about it. _Had_ I chosen that particular point in time to sleep with him because it was the easy way out? Because I could have my romantic first time with someone I loved without facing the maturing of the relationship that would come with it? No. I pushed the thought away almost as soon as it came up. If that had been the case, I would have been relieved, not devastated, when he'd left the next day. That wasn't why. I had slept with him because I loved him, plain and simple.

"No," I said. "I didn't sleep with him because he was leaving. I slept with him because I love him."

"And you still do. So what's your hold-up now?" she pressed.

"Why are you trying to convince me to jump back into bed with him?" I asked. "What does it matter to you? It's my decision."

"You're right; it is. And I'm not trying to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. I'm just asking the tough questions because someone has to. Because I know you and I know you'll sit there and logic yourself out of anything. You and Spencer are two peas in a pod."

"Because I was totally using logic when I started having a relationship with my English teacher," I reminded her. "If I was really always so logical, I wouldn't even be with him at all. I can be impulsive."

"So be impulsive. Tell me since you've been back together that there hasn't been a time when you were going at it and you've wanted to just let things progress instead of pressing pause when you feel like it's going too far," she said.

I chuckled. There had been. Many, many times. One thing I would say was that having slept together had certainly turned up the heat during those make-out sessions on the couch. He was still just as respectful, but there was definitely something different about it now.

"Okay, the color your face just turned tells me I'm right," Hanna giggled. "So you don't have to force anything. But when it feels right, just don't stop it. Let it happen. Be impulsive like you were when you first started this relationship."

"I just don't know if I'm ready to be impulsive like that again," I sighed. "Look where it got me last time."

"Aria, we literally _just_ went through this. You and I both know Ezra would die before he hurts you like that again. So what are you really afraid of?"

I didn't say anything. Because I didn't know what my hang-up was. Clearly I had one, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"You don't have to answer that," she told me. "But just think about it. Because if you don't know what you're afraid of, you won't ever be able to move past your fear."

"Okay, now you sound like Spencer," I teased.

Hanna chuckled. "I'm going to take that as a compliment. I think."

A couple of weeks went by, and I did think about what Hanna had said. A lot. And I never did come up with a good answer to her question. I had no idea what in the hell I was so afraid of. I wasn't afraid of sex changing us. He wasn't like that. We weren't like that. What we had went deeper than just the physical. If it hadn't gone deeper, we never would have made it this far. I wasn't really afraid of getting hurt again. As Hanna had pointed out, I knew (and had known since the night he came back) that he would die before he hurt me like that a second time. I wasn't afraid of being vulnerable with him. She was right about that too. I trusted him. I'd trusted him before we'd had sex and I trusted him now.

The only answer I could come up with that even sort of made sense was that I was afraid of being the one to make the first move. Because if I did and he wasn't ready, that would hurt too. But even when I thought about that, I realized it was a cop-out. A weak excuse. I'd _always_ been the one to make the first move in this relationship. He'd always taken things at _my_ pace. So if I didn't make a move, a move wouldn't be made at all. And when I thought about it, really thought about it, I realized he was ready. He'd even told me the very night he came back that when _I_ was ready, he wanted a do-over of our first time. To do it right. So I didn't have to be afraid of rejection. It wouldn't happen. I would just have to find my courage and my moment and go for it.

My moment came one Saturday about two months after he'd gotten back. When I'd come to the apartment in the morning, it had been a clear and beautiful day, but then around dinnertime, a serious thunderstorm rolled in out of nowhere. We watched the weather, and when literally every channel said that the storm wasn't going anywhere any time soon, Ezra told me to call my mom and tell her I was staying with him. He didn't want me driving in this weather. Even my mom was glad he'd suggested it because she'd been nervous about me trying to drive in the storm too. There were near tropical storm-force winds.

At around nine-thirty, the power went out in the whole apartment building. Luckily, he had candles and a lighter, and we lit candles around the apartment for light. I had to laugh to myself at the irony, but for a while we actually did play Scrabble by candlelight. What else were we going to do?

Oh, right. That. Yeah...about halfway through our game, we ended up in a familiar position on the couch. Me straddling his lap as we went at it like there was no tomorrow. For some reason, the dim candlelight seemed to make the electricity between us almost audibly hum. And after about half an hour, Ezra pulled back. Clearly he either needed a time out or…well, to go further. This was it. The timing literally could not have been more perfect if I'd planned it. My mom already knew I wasn't coming home, so I wouldn't even have to come up with an alibi.

"Time out," he panted, kissing my nose.

 _Be brave, Aria_ , I thought to myself. _You can do this._

I took a shaky breath and looked him in the eyes. "Or there's the other option."

Ezra's eyes widened a little. It was obvious he wasn't expecting me to say that. I'd caught him completely by surprise. But judging by the beginnings of the smile on his face, it was a welcome surprise.

"You sure?" he asked, searching my face for any signs of hesitation just like he'd done the first time.

"I'm sure," I said, taking another breath. "I trust you."

And with that, the smile that had been threatening to break free before spread across his whole face, shining brighter than any of the candles in the room. He didn't say anything; he just kissed me again. But this time it was different. It wasn't frantic or rushed like our make-out session had been. It was slow and sweet and passionate. He wasn't going to rush anything. He was going to take his time. Tonight was his redemption. And we really did have all the time in the world. There was no ticking clock on our time together tonight.

"I love you so much," he said quietly when he finally broke the kiss, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear.

I smiled. "I love you too."

Ezra kissed me again as he stood up, keeping a firm hold on my legs, and carried me over to the bed. He sat me down on the edge of the bed and slowly lifted my blouse off, looking at me like I was a priceless work of art. Like he was completely in awe. He sat down next to me and I kissed him again before taking his t-shirt off. Almost immediately, he pulled me close and kissed me again as he undid my bra and took it off of me. Not breaking the kiss, he slowly laid us down on the bed.

"You good?" he asked quietly.

I had to smile again. He really was treating this as a complete do-over. Like we'd never done this before. And just like before, I had a feeling he was going to have to mop up a huge puddle of Aria by the time we were done. Because that would be all there was left of me.

"I'm good," I assured him.

It seemed that he remembered exactly where the spot on my neck that drove me crazy was, because he went right for it. Almost. He started at the middle of my collarbone and trailed soft, feather-light kisses up to that spot by my jugular and then softly sucked on it. Again, it was nowhere near enough to leave a mark; it was just enough to make me moan quietly and send a shiver down my spine.

"Cheater," I teased. "I thought this was a do-over. You're not supposed to know that."

Ezra chuckled. "It is. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to cheat where I can. Or make improvements where I can." He kissed and sucked on the same spot again.

I giggled and pulled him back in for another kiss. He snaked an arm behind my back so he could hold me close. His other hand ran slowly from my hip up to the side of my breast, just like the first time. But unlike the first time, he only let it rest there for a few seconds before the touch turned into a soft caress. I sighed as I stopped kissing him for a second to catch my breath. I hadn't realized until right now how much I'd longed for this again. For his touch.

He kissed me again as soon as I'd caught my breath, then trailed kisses back down my neck and to the top of my chest. He took his time as he trailed kisses across the top of my chest and then back the other way across the tops of my breasts. Everywhere his lips touched seemed to come to life. It was as if all of the electricity in the building that had gone out had somehow taken up residence between us. As he continued kissing further and further down my breasts, he looked back up at me for a moment.

"Still okay?" he asked me.

I nodded. Every time he asked that, it just made the puddle of Aria I was melting into grow even bigger. The fact that he respected me enough to make sure I was still okay with this every step of the way was truly amazing. I knew not many guys would do that. And not many guys would be taking their time like he was. He seemed to genuinely enjoy exploring and memorizing every inch of my body.

"Remember, you're safe here," he said as he continued his trail of kisses. "It's just us."

Before I could say anything, remind him that I'd never felt safer anywhere in the world than I did with him, he slowly ran his tongue in a circle around my nipple, then gently sucked on it, making me completely forget what I was going to say. I exhaled loudly and arched my back, losing myself in the sensation. It was almost torture, but in the sweetest sense of the word, how long he took to get to the other one and do the same thing. And then he continued down, literally just going in tiny rows down my body. He was taking even more time this time, making sure no inch of me was untouched. And this time, he waited until he got almost to the hem of my jeans before looking back up at me.

"You good?" he asked.

I had to stop myself from laughing. I would have thought my loud breathing and quiet moans would have been enough clue for him, but apparently not. He needed me to say the words.

"I'm good," I promised.

"I love you," Ezra said softly, kissing my stomach as he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. "More than anything."

"I love you," I replied just as quietly, like a prayer.

He planted another kiss right below the button of my jeans before slowly pulling them off and adding them to the pile of clothes that was already on the floor. This time, he stood up and took his pants off at the same time, but left his boxers on. Rather than go straight back for my underwear, he started at one of my knees and slowly trailed kisses up my inner thigh. When he got as far as he could up that leg, he did the same thing with the other one. Only then did he slowly peel my underwear off, but instead of coming back to the head of the bed this time, he just looked up at me again from between my legs.

"Still good?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"Stop me if you get uncomfortable," he said, running his hand up the outside of my leg and stopping at my hip. "It's okay."

I nodded again. And the puddle of Aria got bigger. I knew I could stop him at any time, but the fact that he actually verbalized that before doing something new made me love him even more. And feel even safer with him.

Ezra took a breath before going back down to my knees and kissing his way up both thighs. When he got all the way up the second thigh, he stopped for a second, seeming to hesitate, before going up and planting a soft kiss on my mound. I exhaled loudly as my nerve endings there seemed to catch on fire.

"Are you still okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I managed to choke out, surprised I could even talk at all. How exactly I was supposed to form words, or even a coherent thought, while he was doing this, I didn't know.

"I love you," he whispered.

I wanted to say something in return, but before I could, he started slowly trailing kisses across my mound and further down, which made all rational thought completely leave my head. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the sensation. When he got all the way down between my legs, he gently lifted one of my legs up and put it over his shoulder to give him easier access. I'd never felt more exposed, but I'd also never felt safer.

"God, you're perfect," he said quietly, so quiet I would have thought he was talking to himself, except that I knew it was meant for me.

He kissed the very bottom of my mound one more time before gently spreading my legs a little further apart. And the next thing I felt was his tongue. I gasped and moaned almost at the exact same time. This was completely different from anything else I'd ever felt there. More intense. And in a way, more intimate than sex itself. This wasn't something I would do with anyone I didn't completely trust.

After a few minutes, he slowly slid first one, then two fingers inside me. And this time, he slowly (almost too slowly) worked me up to a climax. I'd heard a lot of guys didn't actually like doing this, but he genuinely seemed to enjoy it. He seemed to savor every touch, every taste.

When he was done (er, when _I_ was done), he quickly finished undressing and slowly crawled back up between my legs, leaving a trail of kisses on my stomach and chest before finally working his way back up to my neck and mouth. I could taste myself on him as we kissed. I'd thought it would bother me, but as it turned out, I didn't mind it.

Ezra just held me tight and kissed me for a little while, I guessed trying to reassure me that it was still just him. That he was still the same person, the person I felt completely safe with. The person I trusted more than anyone else in the world.

"I love you," I said quietly, almost afraid to ruin the moment.

He smiled and kissed me again before rolling us back over so I was on my back. This time, he didn't tell me to tell him if he hurt me. He didn't ask me for permission. He just slowly eased himself inside me. It didn't hurt at all. I'd been a little worried about that, because it had been a while since we'd done this the first time. But it was like our bodies were made for each other, and we fit together perfectly. And this time, I wasn't nervous or scared. This time, our lovemaking was like a choreographed dance. Slow, intimate, passionate, and…well, perfect. Just like him. It felt like we were equals in the process now, each of us taking turns following the other's lead at various times. As much as he'd wanted this to be a do-over of our first time, it was in a way even more special that it turned out not to be. It wasn't really like a do-over; it was more like…like coming home. Like after spending far too long apart, we were finally back where we belonged. Together.

Literally two minutes after we were done, the lights came back on, along with the television, which had been on when the power shut off. It was almost as if the storm had happened for the sole purpose of being the catalyst for me to overcome my unnamed fear. To find my courage again. And now that I had, its work was done. Apparently he saw the humor in it too because we both started laughing at the exact same time.

He kissed me and held me close, still chuckling. "I love you."

I tightened my embrace. "I love you too."

"I'll be right back," he said. "I should probably blow out the candles before we start a fire and burn the building down."

"I'm surprised we didn't," I teased, surprising even myself with my ability to make a joke about this.

Ezra laughed and gave me another kiss. "Me too."


	5. One Day You'll Wake Up

Chapter Five  
 _One Day You'll Wake Up_

I woke up the next day to find Ezra already awake and just looking at me. He'd clearly been watching me sleep. I couldn't decide if that was borderline stalker behavior or if it was romantic. For the sake of not ruining the mood, I decided not to think too much about it and go with romantic.

He'd been perfect last night. Even more so than the first time, if that was possible. By the time we'd finished putting away all the candles and turned off everything that had been turned back on when the power was restored, it had been almost one in the morning. We'd both been tired, but neither of us could sleep for obvious reasons. So we'd just laid there in bed silently. Well, almost silently. He'd held me close and whispered how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. How brave I'd been. To some people, that might have seemed weird. But to me, having had to muster up a huge amount of courage to even be able to try this again after being hurt so deeply the first time, it was unbelievably sweet. And I'd fallen asleep in his arms with him kissing my shoulders and back. Not enough to start anything back up. Just enough to make me melt into a puddle all over again.

"Morning," he said quietly, kissing my nose.

I smiled. "Morning."

He pulled me into his arms immediately. I could tell he'd been waiting, probably rather impatiently, to do that. He hadn't wanted to wake me up by moving me while I was asleep.

"Sleep okay?" he asked as he ran his fingers up and down my back.

"Mm," I sighed. "The best I've slept in a while."

He chuckled, and I realized I should give him an explanation for what I'd just said.

"I've had nightmares about everything with Mona almost every night," I told him. "Since even before I knew it was her torturing me and my friends. But last night I didn't. As far as I'm concerned, that's a miracle."

Ezra kissed my head and chuckled again. "Wow. I can work miracles? I didn't know I was _that_ good."

I giggled. "You are. Though it's not like I have anything to compare it to. But I think it was just being here at all. Because I've never felt safer than I do with you."

He pulled me up a little so he could kiss me. "I'm glad. You _are_ safe here. Always. I wish I could have stopped her from hurting you and your friends. If I'd known, I would have done anything to stop it. But it's over now. And I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure no one hurts you again."

Well, this had taken a turn. A turn I didn't like. It was way too heavy for "morning after" talk. I had to turn it back around. I hesitated for a second, trying to decide whether to tease him about the past or not, then decided to go for it.

"So, where are you running off to this time?" I asked playfully. "California? Fiji?"

The smile disappeared from his face, and I immediately regretted saying that. Clearly he still hadn't really forgiven himself for leaving the way he did a couple of months ago.

"Lighten up, Ezra," I said, giving him a kiss. "It was a joke."

I got a little bit of a smile as he tightened his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"Nowhere," he sighed, kissing my head again. "I'm not going anywhere. Well, maybe to the kitchen to make coffee."

"Nope, that's too far," I teased.

There was the smile I loved.

"Is it?" he shot back, rolling us over so he was above me. "What about this? Is this better?"

I giggled and pulled him back down for another kiss. "Much."

Ezra kissed me for a few minutes before pulling back to look at me. The absolute love and adoration I saw in his eyes made me melt. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. Making me melt.

"I can't believe how lucky I am," he said quietly.

Yep. One more puddle of Aria, coming right up.

"I'm the lucky one," I said as I pulled him back down.

He was different this morning. Not in a bad way or a weird way, just different. As he trailed kisses down my neck and sucked on the spot that drove me crazy, it was almost playful. Not as serious. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders now. Maybe it was that he knew he didn't have to worry about making me uncomfortable anymore. Or maybe it was that the pressure of our first time and/or the pressure of him having a do-over and a chance to fix what he felt like he'd done wrong was gone. Now we could just be ourselves.

As I pulled Ezra back in for another kiss, it wasn't the long, slow, and passionate kisses that he usually gave me in bed. This time, it was lots of quick kisses accompanied by a couple of playful nips at my bottom lip. I had to giggle; I loved seeing him like this. It was a side of him that I'd never seen before and it was adorable. There was no baggage or heartache or internal conflict about his feelings. He was completely happy and carefree, just a guy who was clearly head over heels in love with a girl.

"What?" Ezra chuckled as he slowly pushed the t-shirt I'd slept in up and pulled it off of me.

"I'm not allowed to be happy? Sorry," I teased, mock frowning.

He grinned and kissed me again, rolling us over so I was on top. "You absolutely are. I love seeing you like this."

"Back at you," I told him, kissing him again before pulling his shirt off.

He pulled me back down for another kiss and seemed to be trying to memorize every curve of my back as he ran his hands up and back down again. How exactly such a simple thing like that could ignite all my nerve endings, I had no idea, but it did.

I suddenly realized that, being on top, I was in control now. So now it was my turn to figure out how to turn him on. He'd had his opportunity to do that with me. And I couldn't let him be the only one with tricks up his sleeve. Apparently getting his motor running wasn't too difficult though, seeing as he was already, er, good to go.

I trailed kisses down his jawline to his neck and, ironically, I found that the exact same spot on his neck that sent shivers down my spine seemed to be a hot spot for him too. He exhaled loudly and ran his hand down my back. Just like he'd done with me, I sucked on it ever so softly. That got an audible moan. I smiled as he pulled me back up to kiss me again. That had been almost too easy.

"Cheater," he teased.

I chuckled. "No, just a lucky guess."

He looked at me like I was the only person in the whole world as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and gave me another kiss. This one was a little slower and more passionate. More of an "I love you" without words. But it seemed that he felt words were necessary too.

"I love you, Aria," he said softly. "In case I haven't said that enough already."

I smiled. "In case _I_ haven't said it enough, I love you too."

I bent back down and kissed his shoulder, then started trailing kisses down to his chest. Just like he'd done with me, I tried not to leave even an inch of him untouched. He seemed to enjoy it, but when I got to his stomach, he exhaled loudly and tensed up. Apparently I'd found his weak spot. Not quite where I would have thought would be a turn-on for him, but whatever worked. I grinned and kept kissing and softly sucking there, moving further down. After about five minutes of that, right as I got to the hem of his pants and was about to pull them off, he pulled me back up and kissed me again as he rolled us back over. Apparently he didn't want me to have _too_ much control quite yet.

And of course he made the puddle of Aria grow even bigger. As soon as he broke our kiss, he kissed my nose and gave me an Eskimo kiss with a smile on his face that lit up the whole room. Was it even possible for him to do this without making me melt? First from how romantic and sweet he was, now from how playful and adorable he was. It was almost too much to handle.

He started his now-familiar trail of kisses down my neck and chest, now knowing exactly where to focus his attention. He wasn't necessarily trying to _rush_ this, but he wasn't purposely taking his time like he had last night either. Because it wasn't our first time, or a do-over of our first time, anymore. He didn't have to take his time. Though apparently he really did enjoy the foreplay. That hadn't just been for my benefit last night. Because he actually did take his time with that again. Even in the light of day, he genuinely seemed to savor every moment of it.

There was even something more lighthearted about our lovemaking this morning. I couldn't explain it. It was still slow and intimate. And oh, was there passion. But this morning, we didn't have a care in the world and it was evident. For the first time probably since…well, since we'd dropped the bombshell that was us on my parents, we were both just genuinely happy and in love. And it showed. In our kisses, our touches, the smiles on our faces. It was exactly what "morning after" sex should have been.

"Okay, I really am going to get up and make coffee now," he chuckled a few minutes after we were done. "I don't know about you, but I had a late night."

I laughed. "Did you now?"

Ezra chuckled again and kissed me one last time before getting up and putting his pajama bottoms back on. I just laid there admiring the view of him shirtless for a minute before getting up and putting my jeans on, along with the shirt I'd slept in. I wasn't planning on going anywhere for a little while.

Suddenly I realized that I hadn't checked my phone in probably something like fifteen hours. My mom was probably having a heart attack over the fact that I hadn't called her to check in this morning like I'd promised I would. She knew I wasn't going to be coming straight home today, but she had at least requested a call telling her Ezra hadn't killed me in my sleep. Or something.

My phone had a three percent charge left on it since I'd forgotten to plug it in once the power had come back on. What could I say? I'd kind of had other things on my mind.

"Aria," my mom answered on the first ring. "So you survived the storm?"

"Yeah," I said. "We lost power and I've got three percent battery left on my phone since I couldn't charge it. So if I hang up on you, don't take it personally."

"I won't," she chuckled. "Lights back on this morning?"

"Yep, apparently the power came back on early this morning. When we woke up the lights were on."

I was pretty impressed by how smoothly that had come out. It was so good I almost believed it myself. I had to purse my lips to keep from chuckling at the memory of when it had actually come back on. I saw Ezra chuckling quietly too. He clearly still thought it was as funny as I did.

"Well, I'll hang up _with_ you rather than have your phone hang up on me," my mom said. "You're going to be home for dinner, right?"

"Unless another storm rolls through, yes," I said. Basically because I knew the longer I stayed here with Ezra, the harder it would be to leave.

"Okay," she chuckled. "Have a good day, sweetie."

"You too, Mom," I told her, and hung up.

As I was fishing my spare phone charger out of my purse, Ezra walked up and wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my shoulder. I stopped looking for the charger and leaned back against him. I loved how natural and right it felt.

"You lied to your mother," he teased.

"Um, you wanted me to tell her the truth?" I scoffed. "You do enjoy having a pulse and breathing, right?"

"Now more than ever. How is it that you look so much better in my shirts than I do?" he chuckled, kissing my temple.

I giggled. "It's a talent. What can I say? Though I'll make sure you get this one back before I leave."

"Hopefully not too soon," he sighed. "If memory serves, this is the part I really needed to redeem myself for. And I have to finish wiping the floor with you in that Scrabble game."

"You're not packing a suitcase to leave, so you're already doing loads better. And I still say you were peeking in the bag and getting all the good letters," I teased as I turned around and kissed him.

"How could I do that when I could barely even see the board?" he laughed.

"It's either that or the Scrabble gods hate me," I shot back. "Because there is no other explanation for me getting all the N's and vowels. I could have made some awesome words in Hawaiian."

He laughed and kissed me again, then just stood there holding me. After a minute, he sighed and pulled back to look at me, seeming like he was completely in awe.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm trying to figure out how I got lucky enough that you actually gave me a second chance," he said. "I don't deserve you, not by a long shot."

I smiled. "Well, you've got me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank God for that," he said as he kissed me for the hundredth time this morning.

The only thing that made the day less than absolutely perfect was the knowledge lingering in the back of my mind that I would eventually have to leave and go back home. I'd literally never seen Ezra so relaxed and happy before. Ever. I loved knowing that I had anything at all to do with that. We did finish our game of Scrabble, which I maintained until the very end that he was cheating at. And then we spent the rest of the day just cuddling on the couch and watching Castle reruns on TV. If I was being honest, I was procrastinating having to leave. It hurt to think about it.

What was probably the most unexpected thing was that there was no sexual tension between us anymore. Yes, there was plenty of kissing and even making out that happened over the course of the day. But the unspoken tension and awkwardness as thick as peanut butter that had been there since we first got back together (if we'd ever really broken up) was gone. We were just relaxed and comfortable with each other now.

At around six, I sighed and went to sit up. Ezra tightened his arms around me, not letting me move.

"Don't say it," he said, kissing my hair.

"You know this isn't making leaving any easier for me, right?" I said.

"I know," he sighed. "But you have no idea how much I don't want to let you go."

"If it's anywhere near as much as I don't want to leave, then I know it's almost impossible," I told him. "It's literally taking every ounce of strength I have to get up and change back into my shirt."

He sighed again and kissed my head before letting go of me so I could get up. I got up quickly before he could change his mind and walked back over to where my blouse and bra were still just lying on the floor where he'd dropped them last night. God, the way he'd looked at me right then. He'd literally never looked at me quite like that before. Not even the first time.

I took a breath and took his t-shirt off, then put my bra on. But before I could put my blouse on, he was right behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder. I sighed and leaned back into his embrace, powerless to do anything else.

"And this is definitely not helping me leave," I said.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," Ezra chuckled dryly, kissing my head.

"I know," I sighed. "But unless you want my dad to come knocking on your door and find me half-dressed, which wouldn't end well for either of us, I need to get home."

He sighed and let go of me so I could finish getting dressed. I quickly put my blouse on and then turned around to kiss him. He returned the kiss eagerly, with a passion that could have set this building on fire. Breaking the kiss a few minutes later was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life.

"I love you," I said quietly.

His smile lit up the whole apartment. "I love you too. You okay? No regrets?"

Just when I'd thought he couldn't possibly get any more perfect. He was still concerned _now_ about whether I was okay with what had happened between us this weekend. Seriously, how many guys actually cared about that, let alone actually asked the question to make sure?

"None," I promised. "Well, maybe one. Walking out the door right now. You?"

"My only regret is _letting_ you walk out the door right now."

I kissed him again. "I'll be back. I've actually got a chemistry test to study for tomorrow night, so how's Tuesday?"

"It's a date," Ezra said, then paused for a second, as if he was mulling something over in his head, before he spoke again. "Actually...maybe it could be. Like, out in public. Dinner? Or is that pushing it too much with your parents?"

"They'll have to get over it," I told him. "I'd love that. Wait. You're unemployed. You sure you can—"

"Don't worry about it," he cut me off. "I can afford to take my girlfriend on a date for once. I'd say it's long overdue."

I grinned; that was the first time he'd actually called me his girlfriend. In perspective, with the other development this weekend, maybe that shouldn't have been a huge deal, but it was definitely a big step for us. We'd never actually put a label on our relationship before. We knew how we felt, we knew we were exclusive, and maybe a relationship like ours kind of defied labels. But still, it was nice to hear him say it.

"Okay. What time should I be here?" I asked.

"Nope," he chuckled. "I'm doing this right. I'll pick you up at six. Wear something nice."

"You're a hopeless romantic. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"I'm not so sure about that," he laughed. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I did this backwards. I was supposed to take you to dinner _before_ sleeping with you, last I checked."

I laughed too. I loved that we could actually joke about this and it wasn't awkward. This morning, right now, even last night. It was just comfortable and natural.

"Touché," I said. "Though the fact that you just said that proves you're a romantic."

"Or maybe I'm just in love," he said, pulling me in by the small of my back and kissing me.

Damn Ezra and the puddles he was making me melt into. Seriously. How in the hell was I supposed to walk out that door when he was saying stuff like that to me?

"Okay, I really do need to leave," I said quietly when he let me talk.

"Okay," he sighed. "Text me when you get home. Please."

I smiled as I unplugged my phone and put it and my charger back into my purse. His obvious concern was too sweet.

"I will," I promised as he walked me to the door and opened it.

Just as I was walking out, he pulled me back and kissed me again. It reminded me a lot of when I'd left after his short story reading. The night we'd first decided to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy how good and right being together felt.

"I love you," he said when he finally broke the kiss.

"I love you too," I said, giving him one last kiss, much briefer than the one he'd just given me. "I'll see you Tuesday."

He smiled. "Okay."

I turned around and walked down the stairs, grinning like an idiot. I'd literally never been this happy in my life. It wasn't just what had happened in bed. It was what had happened out of bed too. It was how adorable he was when he was just happy and didn't have a care in the world. It was how obvious it was that he was head over heels in love with me, just like I was with him. It was how happy he made me. It was the way I could just be myself with him with no fear of being judged. It was how safe I felt with him. It was the fact that I was the luckiest girl in the world.


	6. She'll Be Home

Chapter Six  
 _She'll Be Home_

"Hey," my mom said as I walked in the door. "I was starting to wonder what happened to you."

I had to stop myself from laughing at that statement. It felt like I could laugh at the drop of a hat though. I was that giddy.

"Sorry," I said. "I completely lost track of time. When I saw it was after six, I literally ran out the door."

"It's okay. I was late starting dinner anyway, so you're actually right on time," she said. "Did you have a good weekend?"

I smiled. "Yeah. Ezra and I kind of needed the quality time. Oh, he's actually picking me up here on Tuesday night. He's going to take me to dinner. Hope that's okay."

My mom chuckled. "Like an actual date? That's a first, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," I laughed.

"By the way, you might want to think of dead puppies or something when your father gets home unless you want a lot of really uncomfortable questions," she said, giving me a pointed look. "And for Ezra to still be breathing on Tuesday when he comes to pick you up."

I hung my head in a little bit of shame. I was busted. And, much more worrisome to me, so was he.

"How'd you know?" I sighed, going to sit next to her on the couch.

"A mother knows," she chuckled quietly. "Look, Aria, we've already had the talk. A long time ago. Not to mention, less than three months ago. I'm just glad he didn't leave town this time."

I chuckled. "He actually got really upset when I teased him about that this morning. I don't think he's really forgiven himself for hurting me like that. I'm not sure if he ever will."

"I'm sure he won't," my mom said. "You should have seen him the day he came back. When he came here to talk to me. To tell me that he was staying, no matter what your father or I had to say about it. When I told him how badly he'd hurt you, he looked like I'd just stabbed him in the heart with a jagged blade. And no, I didn't tell him I knew everything. Though he probably figured out that I'd guessed it. But anyway, he was devastated. Actually started crying."

"Oh, I know that look. I saw it many times when he first came back. Pretty pathetic, isn't it?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, it is. You know, he really loves you. The way he talked about you that day…I wanted to start crying too. Every mother hopes their daughter finds someone who loves them like that. I'm still not thrilled about certain aspects of this relationship, but I can't in good conscience stop it."

I smiled. "I know. And I love him too. Like crazy. By the way, this isn't helping with depressing me so Dad doesn't ask questions."

She laughed. "Right. Go to your bedroom and watch some ASPCA commercials until dinner's ready."

"Okay, I will," I chuckled. "Thanks for not harping on me."

"I told you a long time ago that I was going to let you be your own person," my mom said. "Part of that is me realizing that you're old enough and mature enough to make these kinds of decisions for yourself. I know you're being careful and you're responsible. Besides, if your dad and I hadn't…well, you wouldn't be here. So I have no room to talk."

"I'm so glad I know that, Mom," I teased as I walked up the stairs.

And that was when I realized that I'd forgotten to text Ezra that I'd made it home. I pulled out my phone to find a text he'd clearly sent right after I left.

 _I miss you like crazy already. Is this normal? I may need therapy._

I smiled and chuckled.

 _I miss you too_ , I wrote back. _And you'll definitely need therapy when I tell you that we've been busted. Good luck looking my mom in the eye on Tuesday. Sorry I forgot to text right when I got home._

I got a text back almost immediately.

 _As long as it's not your dad, I'll live. I love you._

 _I love you too,_ I wrote back. _Now stop being adorable so my dad doesn't realize something's up too. I can't wipe the grin off my face._

 _Neither can I_ , Ezra replied.

Damn him. I'd told him to _stop_ being adorable, not make my grin even bigger. I turned my computer on and I did actually watch ASPCA commercials to try to depress myself. The really heart-wrenching ones with dogs that were wounded and nothing but skin and bones. But unfortunately, I _knew_ I was trying to depress myself, so it didn't really work. When my mom called my brother and I down for dinner, we both emerged out of our rooms at the same time.

"Why do you look different?" Mike asked as we walked down the stairs. "Something's…off about you."

Wait, so it was true? People really did look different afterwards? How come this didn't happen last time then? No one had said anything about me looking different after our first time.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mike," I deflected. "Nothing's off."

"Sure, whatever you say," he said. "I know something's different. I just can't put my finger on what."

"Well, good luck trying. Because nothing's different," I insisted.

I had no idea why my dad was so late getting home, but I was kind of glad. Because I just stayed in my room until I had to leave for school the next morning. I saw him for about thirty seconds before I walked out the door to drive to school. He mentioned that I looked happy and asked if I had a good weekend, but that was it. I told him about Ezra taking me to dinner, and a vein popped out on his forehead and he looked a little constipated, but I could tell he wasn't going to stop me from going, which I was glad for.

Unfortunately, my friends weren't as easily fooled as my dad. Probably because my dad didn't really wantto know why I was so happy. My friends, however, were a different story. They _did_ want to know. I ran into Spencer on the way into school.

"Hey," she said. "Why didn't we hear a peep from you all weekend?"

"Sorry," I sighed. "I only planned on spending Saturday with Ezra, but it turned into the whole weekend because of the storm. He didn't want me driving in it, and neither did my mom."

"What's different about you?" Spencer asked, looking quizzically at me. "There's something off."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I said, exasperated. "There's nothing different."

"Okay, if you say so," she said, giving me a pointed look. "I can't put my finger on what, but there's something."

"What are we talking about?" Hanna asked as she walked up to us.

"The fact that there's something different about Aria," Spencer said. "Look at her. Tell me she doesn't look different."

Hanna looked at me, and her eyes told me that she'd figured it out. Of all of my friends, I'd had a feeling she'd be the first to guess. Because she knew. She knew how it felt to finally have a good memory to replace the bad one with. The absolute joy. She gave me a look that told me she wasn't going to say anything. She'd let me have my secret.

"Spencer, leave Aria alone," she said. "She's exactly the same as she was the last time you saw her."

"Okay, fine," I chuckled, realizing I could deflect with something that would take their minds off of trying to figure out what was different about me. "I'm a little nervous. Ezra's actually taking me out to dinner tomorrow night. Like, in public. Not takeout in his apartment."

I pulled out my phone and texted Hanna.

 _THANK YOU. Tell you later. Kind of a funny story._

"Oh, my God," Spencer chuckled. "That's amazing. That's a pretty big step for you two."

I chuckled. If she only knew about the other steps we'd taken. But I was going to do my best to keep that a secret. Besides, it wasn't just my sex life I'd be telling them about if I did tell them. It was his too. And that wasn't fair to him.

"Exactly," I said. "It's a first. I don't count the museum because we still had to sneak around. This is us in the open as a couple."

"Because being a couple is so new and different for you," Hanna teased. "You'll be fine. What are you wearing?"

"I haven't even gotten that far yet," I said. "I'm still just trying to wrap my mind around this at all."

"Okay, wardrobe raid, tonight," Hanna said. "It's happening."

"I have a chemistry test tomorrow. I have to study," I sighed.

"So study when you get home. We'll be there at eight," she insisted, pulling out her phone and typing something into it.

My phone buzzed almost immediately.

 _You're welcome_ , Hanna had written. _I'm proud of you. And I'm not sure funny is a good thing when it comes to that._

"I'm in," Spencer was saying. "I'll text Em."

"We can just tell her at lunch," I said. "Look, I have to get to class. I'll see you guys later."

I turned and left, and as soon as I was out of Spencer's line of vision, I texted Hanna back.

 _He was proud too. And I ended up staying over because of the storm. Power went out and things happened. Literally two minutes after, power came back on. We both thought it was pretty hilarious._

 _OMG!_ she wrote back. _That is hilarious. See, nature was trying to tell you something. He actually told you he was proud?_

 _I know it sounds weird, but it was actually really sweet,_ I told her.

 _It doesn't sound weird. He knew you were scared to try again. So are we going with sexy or flirty for your outfit for tomorrow night?_

 _How about if we try more pretty or cute?_ I wrote back, chuckling. _Not sure I want to go with either one of the other two when my parents will see me first. He's picking me up from my house. Said he wants to do it right. Oh, and all he told me about where we're going was that I'm supposed to wear something nice._

 _I thought romantics were a dying breed,_ she texted back. _Aww!_

 _He doesn't seem to think he is. Said he did it backwards because he was supposed to take me out to dinner first._

 _I literally just sprayed coffee out my nose. I'm dying right now. Now why didn't we get to see this side of him in class?_

 _Because he's not your boyfriend?_ I teased.

 _Touché,_ Hanna wrote back. _You do know you can't keep this from Spencer and Emily forever, right? They'll figure it out._

 _I know,_ I said. _But it's not fair to him for me to say anything. I only told you because I knew you'd already figured it out._

It was lunch before I knew it, and it was also the first time I'd seen Emily all day. And of course Spencer had to go back on her spiel about how I looked different.

"Em, tell me you don't think Aria looks different today," she said.

"Kind of, but I can't put my finger on why," Emily agreed.

My phone buzzed. I checked and it was from Hanna.

 _Told you you're busted. Just tell them. They're not going to say anything._

I sighed. Hanna was right. I couldn't keep this from them forever. I couldn't figure out why everyone was saying I looked different now though. It wasn't like it was _really_ my first time. And I really didn't want to say anything about it. It was private. But wait. I didn't have to actually _tell_ them anything. I could let them figure it out for themselves.

"Spencer, I think you can answer your own question if you think about it," I told her. "Where was I this weekend?"

"You were at…oh, my God," she giggled.

I just awkwardly shrugged my shoulders. Maybe some groups of friends talked openly about this, but for some reason I just didn't feel like I could. Maybe it was that Ezra wasn't a high school student (and, as a matter of fact, he'd been our teacher earlier this year). Maybe it was that for us, it wasn't adolescent experimentation. It was an intimate act of love. Or maybe it was that I'd spent so long having my secrets exposed that I just wanted some privacy for once in my life.

"Wait, what is Spencer just now getting that I'm still in the dark about?" Emily asked, clearly confused. "Where were you this weekend?"

"I spent the night at Ezra's on Saturday night. He didn't want me driving in the storm," I told her. I'd let her figure out the rest on her own.

"That's sweet," she said.

"Em, think about it," Spencer said. "She looks different and none of us can put our finger on how. She spent the night at his place. Pretty sure they lost power just like the rest of the town."

"We did," I said.

I chuckled. I couldn't help it. I would never not think that was hilarious. I saw Hanna chuckle too.

"What's funny?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing," I chuckled. "Let Emily figure out why I look different, since you guys seem to be intent on dragging this out of me instead of letting me have my privacy."

"I already figured it out," Emily said. "But unlike some people, I _am_ respecting your privacy. Whatever happened, it's between the two of you. Though I am glad it happened for your sake. Just tell me he's still in town this time."

"Yes, he's still here," I giggled. "He's actually taking me out to dinner tomorrow."

"Now _that's_ something we can talk about," she chuckled. "That's huge."

"Wardrobe raid at Aria's tonight," Hanna said. "We have to help her figure out what to wear. You in?"

"I am absolutely in," Emily said.

"I still want to know why Aria was laughing," Spencer said.

"Let her be, Spence," Emily said. "If she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to. And it's Ezra's life too. I'm pretty sure he would be thrilled to know any of us know about this at all."

"Thank you, Emily," I sighed; I was sure my face was about the color of a fire engine at this point. "But seriously, what exactly is so different about the way I look?"

"I can't put my finger on it. You just have this...look about you," Spencer said.

"You look happy," Emily told me. "For the first time in a long time, you look genuinely happy. That's what's different."

Of course that was it. That, I realized, was why no one could tell anything happened the first time. Because I was so upset the next day, and in the weeks that followed, that I didn't look happy or in love. Now Ezra was still here. He wasn't going anywhere, and it was beyond evident that he loved me every bit as much as I loved him. So now I could just be happy. And the happiness was so all-consuming that it couldn't help but show on the outside. That was what people saw when they said I looked different. This was how I was supposed to feel after my first time. Maybe this weekend had been a do-over in a way, much as it hadn't felt like it. It was a chance for me to get to feel like this afterwards.

"Will you please just tell us why you were laughing?" Spencer asked.

"Nope," I said. "It's kind of an inside joke."

"Seriously, Spence, leave her alone," Hanna said.

"I'll have to remember to be this annoying when we find out things have happened with Toby," I teased.

"Why do you think I didn't say anything after my first time with Maya?" Emily chuckled. "Because some people don't know when to let things go."

"Wait, what?" Spencer exclaimed. "Emily!"

"Some of us like some privacy. Like Aria clearly wants," Emily said defensively.

"We're your friends, Emily. You're supposed to share the smut," Hanna teased.

"I'm with Em," I said. "Some of us want some privacy when it comes to these things. So can we talk about my upcoming date instead?"

"Yes. Yes we can," Emily said eagerly. "Where is he taking you?"

"I have no idea," I said. "He wouldn't tell me. Just said that I'm supposed to wear something nice."

"Ooh, this is going to be fun," Spencer chuckled. "There are so many different options."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know that you guys are dressing me. I think I'm a little scared now," I giggled.

I barely got done studying for my test (and I still wasn't feeling that great about it) when my friends got to my house that night. I hoped we weren't going to take all night, because I really did want to study a little more and get myself a little more comfortable with the material. And as we were in the middle of trying out different things for me to wear, I got a text from Ezra.

 _How much homework do you expect to have tomorrow? Can I pick you up at 4:30? We have a bit of a drive to get where we're going._

Well, now I was intrigued. Where were we going that we had a little bit of a drive to get there? I wanted to ask him, but I decided to let him surprise me, since he clearly wanted to. And I thought about his question. I wouldn't have any chem homework since I had a test in that. I had an English test on Wednesday, so I'd have to study a little, but it wasn't like literature was a huge struggle for me. And I could cheat and use him as a study guide if I had to. Besides that…really, not a lot. If I got dressed when I first got home and then just did homework until he got here, I should be okay.

 _As long as you don't mind me studying for my English test on the way, I can make that work,_ I texted back. _And now I'm intrigued. But I'll be good and let you surprise me._

 _Good,_ he wrote back. _Because I'm not telling. And you have a living and breathing study guide for that test if you need it. Also, dress warm._

Now I was _really_ intrigued. Dress warm? What in the world did he have up his sleeve?

"Um, okay, now apparently I'm supposed to wear something nice and dress warm," I chuckled.

"What are you guys _doing_ tomorrow?" Hanna asked.

"Beats me," I said. "I'm intrigued. But he's not giving anything away. He wants it to be a surprise."

"That's actually really sweet and romantic," Emily said. "But we do expect a full report on Wednesday."

"No, I think I'll keep it all to myself," I teased. "Okay, what am I going to wear? I was going to go with the backless, but that's not very warm. And I can't wear the red dress, because I wore that to the museum. Not to mention it's not very warm either."

"Go with the backless," Spencer told me. "I don't know if you've heard about this amazing new invention called a coat, but it's a miracle. It keeps you warm when your clothes aren't enough. That dress looks way too good on you. You can't not wear it."

"I'm with Spencer," Hanna said. "The silver makes your eyes pop. You'll blow him away. Just wear a warm coat and you'll be fine."

I didn't know why, but my heart was in my throat when the knock came on the door at a little bit before 4:30 the next afternoon. I was all nerves and I couldn't figure out why. It was like Hanna said. It wasn't like being a couple was so new and different for us. But maybe it was the idea of being a couple in public. That _was_ new territory for us.

I took a deep breath and went to get the door. Mike was out with friends, my dad was still at work, and my mom had promised to make herself scarce when he picked me up. She'd also said my curfew was extended to midnight tonight so we didn't have to rush this. I couldn't understand why she was being so supportive, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth either.

I opened the door to find a huge bouquet of red roses wearing a tuxedo. Or at least that was what it looked like. This bouquet was literally so big that I couldn't see Ezra's face at all. He had to have spent a small fortune on it. Roses weren't cheap.

"Oh, my God," I laughed.

"I told you I was doing this right," he chuckled as he lowered the flowers so I could see his face.

"Ezra, they're beautiful," I told him. "Come in for a minute so I can put them in some water."

He followed me into the kitchen, where I grabbed the biggest vase we had and filled it with water and the packet of stuff that came with the flowers to prolong their life. I put the roses in the vase and hesitated for a second before taking them to my room. I kind of wanted to put them on the kitchen table, but I was too selfish. I decided that I wanted to keep them to myself.

"You look amazing," Ezra said as I set the flowers down on my desk. "But please tell me you've got a coat or something. You'll freeze."

"Yes, I have a coat downstairs," I chuckled. "I can follow instructions. Are you going to tell me where we're going now?"

"Nope," he said, grinning. "You'll have to wait and see."

Whatever he had planned, clearly it was something big. He wouldn't look this excited otherwise. And he wouldn't be acting this secretive.

"Fine, keep your secrets," I teased. "Ready?"

"I'm waiting for you," he said.

"Okay, then. Let's go."

We walked downstairs and I grabbed my coat and purse before following Ezra out the door. I locked it behind us and then turned around to find a stretch limousine waiting in the driveway. Of course. I should have known. I shook my head, chuckling a little to myself, as we walked up to the car.

"What?" Ezra chuckled.

"You realize this is over the top, right?" I asked as the driver opened the door of the limo for me.

"The flowers weren't your first clue that I went over the top tonight?" he teased as he got in next to me. "Deal with it. This is what a first date with me looks like. At least a first date that's long overdue."

I giggled and kissed him. "You don't count the museum?"

"Nope. We were still sneaking around and praying we didn't run into anyone we knew."

"I don't either," I told him.

He kissed me again. "I have told you lately that I love you, right?"

I smiled. I'd never get tired of hearing him say those three little words.

"Once or twice," I said. "I have told you lately that I love you too, right?"

"I'll never get tired of hearing it," he said with an ear-splitting grin on his face as he pulled me closer and kissed me again.

I was a little glad I'd decided to go minimalistic with the lipstick tonight, because this kiss turned into much more than just a peck. Ezra held me as close as possible and seemed to be studying every curve of my bare back as he slowly ran his hand down from my shoulder all the way to where the dress started to cover the small of my back. I felt a shiver go all the way up my spine. This one kiss had more fire and passion than most people ever experienced in their whole lives.

When I finally broke the kiss, I just leaned back against him and melted into his embrace. He kissed my head and squeezed me tight. And we sat there in comfortable silence for a little while. We didn't need to say anything. And when he finally spoke again, it was just comfortable conversation.

"So, what book is your test on tomorrow?" he asked.

" _Scarlet Letter_ ," I sighed. "I liked the story, but I'm glad to be done reading it."

He chuckled. "I think you're the only student on the planet who even somewhat liked that book. I couldn't even get my college students into it. How do you feel about the material?"

"I think I'm good," I said truthfully. "I'll do okay."

"Okay is not good enough," he mock scolded. "Pop quiz. What was right outside the door of the prison?"

"A rosebush. It represents hope," I answered.

We literally spent about an hour going over every possible question that might be on the test the next day. And by the end of the review, if I didn't ace the test, well, it would be my own fault. Ezra made sure I knew the book backwards, forwards, sideways, and diagonally. I asked him if he was sure this wasn't cheating since he had actually written a test on this book, but he reminded me that he wasn't my teacher anymore so it didn't matter. It would be the same as getting help from a tutor. A tutor I happened to be romantically involved with, but a tutor nonetheless.

I was a little confused when we pulled up to an apartment building in the middle of downtown New York City about two and a half hours after we'd left Rosewood. Ezra led me inside (how he had the security code to get in, I had no idea) and we took the elevator up to the top floor. Then he led me to a flight of stairs and we walked up. It was borderline torture in my stiletto heels. If I'd known I would be climbing stairs, I would have worn much more sensible shoes.

When he opened the door, we were on the roof of the building…where there were fake candles turned on everywhere and a table set up for two with a real candle and lighter in the center waiting to be lit. There was a cooler next to it, as well as an insulated bag that was clearly keeping food warm. And the icing on the cake was the amazing sunset that was starting against the New York skyline. I wiped away the couple of tears that crept out. Talk about over the top. This redefined over the top.

"Ezra," I gasped. "Oh, my God."

He kissed my temple and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"I can't take all the credit," he said. "My brother helped. A lot. I was here pretty much all day yesterday and today with him."

I chuckled as I wiped a few more tears away. I could not believe he'd done all of this for me. This was…I had no words. It was so much more special than just dinner at a restaurant. He had clearly spent a lot of time and effort to make tonight memorable.

"I'm literally speechless right now," I told him. "I have no words."

I walked up to the railing so I could look at the sunset. Ezra followed me and I was enveloped in his arms again within a second. He kissed my temple again.

"I love you, Aria," he whispered right into my ear. "More than anything."

…And he was going to have to mop up another puddle of Aria off this rooftop. Because I'd just melted into one.

"I love you," I responded.

Ezra took one of his arms down for a second and I could feel him taking something out of his pocket.

"While we still have light, there's something else that's long overdue," he said, holding his cell phone out in front of us with the front camera turned on.

Other than the picture I'd made him take with giant paper bags over our heads, we'd never taken a picture as a couple. Ever. We never could before now. Maybe to some people it wasn't a huge deal, but at the time that I'd made him take the bag picture, I'd been crazy upset that a picture couldn't exist of the two of us together. And it was unbelievably sweet that he'd remembered that.

"Smile," he instructed.

I was already smiling hugely at the fact that he'd remembered how much I wanted a picture of us, so that wasn't an issue whatsoever. He snapped a couple of pictures, and his smile was every bit as big as mine. Then he kissed my head and took another couple of pictures as he was doing that. I guessed he was trying to make sure he got a good one of each pose.

"Look over there," he said, pointing to our right.

I looked, and I could see the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building lit up against the orange and pink sky, along with all the lights in Times Square coming on. It was breathtaking. Beautiful and romantic, and I had my own front-row seat to it. It really felt like Ezra and I were the only two people on the planet right now.

After the sun set, we had dinner. His brother had clearly brought the food up maybe ten minutes before we got there because it was still piping hot. I'd noticed him doing something on his cell phone at around that time, and now I realized he'd been texting his brother to tell him we were almost there. I wondered if his brother lived in this building. Either that or a friend of theirs.

After we ate, we spent a while just looking at the entire city lit up. And then, without warning, Ezra quietly walked away and hit play on a CD player I hadn't noticed was there. He'd made a mix CD of songs that meant something to the two of us along with the most romantic songs he could possibly find, old and new (everything from Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra to Josh Groban and Michael Bublé). And because he hadn't already gone for over the top romantic, we slow danced under the stars. It sounds cheesy, but I literally felt like Cinderella, dancing with my very own Prince Charming. And before we knew it, we had to leave so he could get me back home by midnight before I turned into a pumpkin.

We actually made better time getting back to Rosewood than we had made getting to New York. Ezra dropped me back off at my house right before midnight and walked me up to the door before kissing me goodnight. I promised I would see him Saturday and spend the weekend with him again, and then I walked in. Not ten minutes later, I got a text. It was a multimedia message with the pictures he'd taken of us attached.

 _I love you,_ he'd written. _More than words can say. But they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here's two of them._

I giggled, over the moon, as I saved the pictures to my phone and then set the one of him kissing my head as the background wallpaper and the other one as his contact picture. Then I remembered that I still had the picture of us with the bags over our heads on my phone, so I texted it to him. I figured he'd get a kick out of it.

 _Thank you for doing that,_ I wrote. _I can't believe you remembered. But then I guess it would be hard to forget me suffocating you with a paper bag. Those pictures turned out much better than this one did._

Ezra texted me back within thirty seconds. And I could almost hear him laughing as I read it.

 _Oh my God. I can't believe you still have that. I guess you can get rid of it now._

 _Are you kidding?_ I wrote back. _I'm never getting rid of that picture. It will always hold a special place in my heart. Just like you. Tonight was incredible. Magical even. But now I need to get some rest so I can pass that test tomorrow. Night. I love you._

 _Sweet dreams,_ he wrote back. _Love you too._

When I got to school the next morning, chugging coffee like nobody's business because I was dragging, all three of my best friends were waiting for me. Clearly they wanted a full report. I was trying to figure out how to form words about how incredible last night had been when Spencer spoke.

"So, he took you to New York City last night?" she asked. "Wow. We need details."

"Wait, how did you know?" I asked her, thoroughly confused.

"You haven't checked Facebook since last night, have you?" Emily asked.

"No," I said. "We got back late and then I was running out the door this morning to make it here on time. I slept through my alarm."

"Check it now," Hanna told me. "Trust me."

I pulled up my Facebook app on my phone, and I had two notifications. The first was that Ezra had tagged me in a post. That was…shocking. But that shock was nothing compared to the one that followed. I clicked on the notification to see the post.

In addition to the two pictures I knew about, he'd taken another one of me looking at the Empire State Building and Chrysler Building as the sun was setting. My head was turned, so it was basically a picture of my back, but somehow it seemed every bit as personal and intimate as the other two pictures were. Maybe more so. It was like seeing myself through his eyes. I could see in this picture how much he loved me and how special I was to him. I didn't know how, but this picture captured it. He'd posted all three pictures and tagged me in them. And the caption he'd written to go with them moved me to tears.

 _Joseph Campbell said, "You must give up the life you had planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you." Seven months ago, I thought I had my life all figured out. But I was wrong. I gave the life I had planned up quickly, and as it turned out, the life that was waiting for me was even more incredible than I could ever have imagined. This beautiful woman is that life. And I couldn't love her more._

I laughed and wiped away my tears as I hit the like button. That was what I got for dating a writer. Then I checked the second notification. And it was asking me to approve his relationship status change. From being single to being in a relationship…with me. And the tears I had just wiped away were replaced with more. I hit the button to approve it.

I heard the bell ring for us to get to class, but there was something more important than making it to my history class on time. Something that couldn't wait even another minute. I called Ezra, a little worried that I might wake him up.

"Hello?" he answered on the first ring, clearly wide awake. I guessed he'd probably been waiting for this call since he'd logged off of Facebook.

"I love you so much," I said, not even bothering with formalities. I didn't really have time for them.

He chuckled. "I love you too."

"You realize how much of a risk that was, right?" I said.

"I know," he told me. "But I'm done hiding. I've never been happier in my life. And I don't want to keep that to myself."

I giggled. "I don't either. Now, excuse me while I stop crying so I can focus on passing that test today."

He chuckled again. "Okay."

"I'll be there after school. There's no way I can wait until this weekend to see you."

"I was hoping you'd say that. See you then. Good luck on your test."

"Thanks. Love you," I said, trying not to start crying all over again from hearing his voice.

"Love you too," Ezra said.

I hung up and looked up. Spencer, Hanna, and Emily were still standing there. Spencer raised her eyebrows at me.

"Something else we should know?" she asked.

"Yeah," I giggled, wiping tears from my eyes. "He didn't just tag me in that post. He actually changed his relationship status to being in a relationship with me. I had to approve it. He told me he's done hiding."

Emily grinned. "I don't think I've ever seen you so happy that you've started crying before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," I chuckled. "Come on, let's get to class. And I'll make you all insanely jealous of my love life by telling you about last night at lunch."

"Now that, I can't wait to hear about," Hanna giggled.


	7. A Firecracker Sitting on My Headboard

Chapter Seven  
 _A Firecracker Sitting on My Headboard_

"Okay, Aria, spill," Hanna said as we sat down at our table in the courtyard at lunch.

"Yeah, like now," Spencer said. "Where in New York did he take you?"

"Um, his brother actually got him access to an apartment building in the middle of the city and we had a candlelight dinner on the rooftop. That was why he told me to dress warm," I giggled. "It was…I literally have no words."

"You're going to have to try to come up with some," Emily chuckled. "You can't just leave us hanging like that. Start from the beginning."

"You guys really want to hear all the sappy details?" I teased.

"Duh!" Hanna laughed. "Come on, spill."

"Okay, fine," I said in mock exasperation.

I told them everything. How he'd showed up with a bouquet of roses bigger than his head, how he'd hired a limo to take us there and back, watching the sun set behind the New York skyline, the story behind the pictures of us, slow dancing under the stars, him walking me up to my door and kissing me goodnight. And they just sat there, hanging on my every word.

"So, Toby needs to step up his game," Spencer chuckled. "That's too sweet."

"I think every other man in the world probably needs to step up their game compared to that," I giggled. "I know this sounds like something people say, but it really was magical. I have no other word that will really do it justice."

"Okay, when are we going to talk about that Facebook post and his relationship status change?" Hanna said. "Talk about sweet. I literally started crying when I saw that this morning."

"When did he even do that?" I asked.

"Um…" Emily pulled out her phone and pulled up her Facebook app. "Looks like at about six-thirty this morning."

I smiled. "He probably wanted me to wake up to it. And if I hadn't slept through my alarm, I would have. I usually do check my Facebook notifications when I wake up."

"Is no one going to mention how bold that was?" Spencer asked. "That was a lot riskier than taking her out on a date where they were literally the only two people there. That was literally telling the entire world that he's dating a high school student."

"I think that's kind of the point, Spence," Hanna chuckled. "He's not hiding anymore. He's trying to show Aria that he's not ashamed of her. And clearly it meant a lot to her, since she started crying when she saw it. I don't think I've ever seen her that happy."

"It did," I agreed. "Honestly, that meant more to me than everything he did last night. And that's saying something. Because it's hard to beat slow dancing to Frank Sinatra and Josh Groban under the stars with the New York skyline as the backdrop."

"I'm totally not trying to rain on your parade, but you do realize he will _never_ get another job teaching high school or college now?" Spencer said.

"Somehow I don't think he cares," Emily pointed out. "Again, you're kind of missing the point of that whole exercise there, Spencer. I'm sure he used the same line that he quoted on his last day teaching here on purpose. That quote was meant for Aria then too. He gave up teaching for her. And he's clearly trying to show her that he doesn't regret it."

I smiled, but that made me think. He could have reapplied at Rosewood High. He could have tried to get a job teaching in a neighboring town so he could have stayed here. He had jeopardized that by doing what he did. I'd have to talk to him about that when I saw him this afternoon. Posting those photos and changing his relationship status on Facebook was unbelievably sweet and it meant the world to me that he'd done it, but Spencer was right. He had pretty much just shot himself in the foot as far as employment opportunities were concerned.

"I like how we're all sitting here talking about what he was thinking when he did that," I chuckled. "Do you guys have a psychic connection to my boyfriend that I don't know about?"

They all laughed.

"No, but it's pretty obvious what he was trying to tell you," Emily giggled. "And I'm with Hanna. I shed a tear when I saw that post this morning too. You guys look so happy in those pictures."

"And even I can't deny that," Spencer said. "You both look happier than I've ever seen you. I didn't cry, but I couldn't stop smiling. Those pictures were adorable. Even the one he took of you watching the sunset. Anyone could tell he's crazy about you just by looking at them."

"Was that your first clue, or was it the caption?" I laughed, trying to keep from crying all over again. "That's what I get for dating a writer."

When I walked into Ezra's apartment after school, I found him working intently on something at his computer. He didn't even hear me come in. I locked the door behind me and then walked up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. He immediately turned around with a grin on his face and pulled me down into his lap.

"Hey," I said. "What are you working on so intently?"

"Just polishing my résumé," he said. "How'd the test go?"

"Well, I was a little distracted," I chuckled. "But I think I did good."

He chuckled too. "You were distracted?"

"Yeah, by a certain Facebook post that my friends showed me. You do know you're crazy, right?"

Ezra kissed me. "Maybe. But I told you, I'm done hiding. I'm not ashamed of you and I'm tired of sneaking around acting like I am."

"And while that means the world to me, you just shot yourself in the foot as far as employment opportunities are concerned," I sighed. "You could have tried to re-apply at Rosewood High. You could have applied at schools in nearby towns. But with your Facebook profile clearly stating that you're in a relationship with a high school student, you're not going to get the jobs. And you do need one of those. Money is kind of essential for survival in this day and age."

He brushed my hair back from my face and looked at me like I was the only person in the world.

"Don't worry about me," he said. "I'll figure something out. But that something is not going to involve attempting to get another job teaching at the school you're attending. Last I checked, with the developments in our relationship lately, it would be illegal if I did start teaching there again. And I can't rock an orange jumpsuit."

I chuckled. "No, you're right. I don't think that's a good look for you either. But what about New Hope or Ravenswood?"

"Still too close," he said. "I think my reputation would precede me even if I hadn't done what I did on Facebook. Your father's pretty much made sure my name is tarnished around here. If I wanted to teach, I would have to go far enough away that no one would have heard either of our names before. And that's not something I'm willing to do. I can't survive leaving you permanently. I barely survived being away from you for two weeks."

I sighed. Of course my father would have done everything he could to make sure that Ezra couldn't get a teaching job anywhere close to Rosewood. Damn it.

"Hey," Ezra said, tilting my chin up so I would look at him. "I mean it. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I've got savings for a little while and I got approved for unemployment. Hollis tried to fight it, but I fought back and won. I'll figure out a more permanent solution, but I'll be okay. I promise. Where is this coming from? You weren't upset this morning when you called me."

"Honestly? Spencer kind of rained on my parade. She's the one who brought it up. But it just made me think and I realized she was right. I didn't know my dad had already ruined your chances of teaching within fifty miles of this town anyway. Not that I'm surprised."

I sighed again and rested my head on his shoulder. He turned and kissed my forehead, squeezing me tight. I had to smile. He really did love me more than anything in the world. More than teaching. More than stability.

"That's more like it," he said, tilting my chin up for a kiss. "Do you know how hard it is to see you upset? It's torture. And I've seen far too much of it recently. I've made it my mission in life to make you smile more often."

I chuckled weakly. "Is that why you redefined the term 'over the top' last night and this morning? Just to make me smile?"

"Yes. I love you and there is nothing in the world that makes me happier than seeing you smile."

"I love you," I said, shaking my head, as I kissed him again. "Even though I still say you're crazy."

"Crazy for you," he chuckled.

"Do you realize how corny that sounded?" I giggled.

Ezra laughed. "And my work here is done. I got a laugh out of you. So how long can you stay?"

"I do have some homework I have to get done, so maybe for an hour or two."

"Then I'd say we have about enough time for that rematch of the Scrabble game from this weekend that you called for. Since you were convinced I was cheating."

"Or that the Scrabble gods hated me," I chuckled.

"Well, to tip the odds in your favor this time, I'll allow Hawaiian words," he teased. "Let me up so I can grab the board."

I kissed him one more time and then stood up and went to sit on the couch. And suddenly I remembered I couldn't spend the weekend with him like I'd originally said I would. I had finals next week, and in the middle of everything last night, I'd completely forgotten about it.

"By the way, unless you want the most boring weekend ever, I'm going to have to stay home," I sighed.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"I completely forgot last night when I said I'd spend the weekend with you that next week is finals week. So I'm going to be studying all weekend."

"It's up to you, but I don't mind you studying here," he told me as he sat down next to me on the couch and started getting the game set up. "I'm just happy being in the same room as you, even if you're buried in textbooks. I'll even quiz you if you need it. Besides, I'm pretty sure you're going to have to eat at some point. And I do owe you dinner out in public."

I smiled. "You don't have to twist my arm. But you don't have to take me to dinner. I'd say you've reached your quota on spoiling me for the week already."

He chuckled. "Not even close. There's no quota on that."

"Okay, let me rephrase. You're living on savings and unemployment. And you pulled out all the stops last night."

"How many times do I have to say this?" he sighed. "Do. Not. Worry. About. Me. I'm more than good for a while. Besides, you're a cheap date since I don't have to pay for alcohol."

I laughed. He did make a good point. That did cut the bill on a normal date in half.

"Fine. You win," I conceded. "Draw a letter."

He drew the Z.

"Did you make a sacrifice to the Scrabble gods in the past couple of days?" he teased.

"Yeah, last night after you dropped me off. You might not want to come into my bedroom next time you come to my house. It's kind of a mess. The sacrifice involved a goat, some chickens, and the blood of a virgin," I shot back.

"So not your blood then."

I felt myself blush. I wasn't even sure why that particular joke had embarrassed me so much. It wasn't like we hadn't joked about this before. Or like he wasn't the person responsible for me not being a virgin anymore. And it was no one's fault but my own anyway. I'd walked right into that one and tripped over the coffee table.

Ezra kissed my head and rubbed my shoulder. I could tell he felt bad about going there.

"I guess I kind of walked into that one," I chuckled awkwardly.

"Or I just stuck my foot in my mouth," he said. "You okay?"

"I'm good," I promised. "Anyway, I guess I don't have to draw now."

"Nope. Where did you even find a goat in Rosewood on such short notice?" he teased, putting the Z back into the bag. "Or chickens for that matter?"

"Oh, I made a midnight trip out to Amish country," I giggled.

He laughed. And then we just continued the game like nothing had happened. This was what I loved so much about our relationship. It had never been what one would think a relationship between a sixteen-year-old and a twenty-three-year-old would be. We loved and respected each other as human beings. And we were comfortable with each other. It felt as right and natural as breathing.

My parents were hesitant to let me spend the weekend with Ezra when I was supposed to be studying, but I promised that if it got too distracting, I'd come home. I knew he wouldn't distract me too much. There was nothing he wanted more than for me to do well in school. Regardless of whether he would ever actually teach again, being an educator was part of who he was.

When I got there on Saturday, he had a pot of coffee ready to go. And he just sat there with me on the couch and let me cuddle up against him while I studied, quizzing me with the flash cards I'd made for myself when I needed it. He genuinely just seemed to like having me there with him. Even when I fell asleep in the middle of studying for my chem final.

"I know chemistry is boring, but after this week, you'll never have to think about it again," Ezra said, kissing my forehead as he gently shook me awake and helped me sit back up.

I melted a little realizing that he literally hadn't budged at all while I was asleep. He'd just sat there and held me the whole time. However long that was. God, would he ever stop being adorable?

"How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"Just an hour, give or take," he told me, kissing my temple and grabbing my coffee cup to get me a refill. "I figured you'd earned a power nap."

"Thanks," I chuckled.

"So do you actually want to go to dinner tonight or is your brain too fried?" he asked. "I'm fine doing takeout if you want."

"I'm not sure how much intelligent conversation you'll get out of me that doesn't have to do with American history or chemistry, but going out would actually be a nice distraction," I said, taking my coffee cup back from him and taking a sip. I couldn't help thinking how sweet it was that he remembered how I liked my coffee. Yeah…I had it bad.

"Okay then. As long as you don't start reciting the Gettysburg Address verbatim, I think we'll be good," he told me.

"Fourscore and seven years ago…and that's all I know of it."

"Then you'd better get back to studying for a while," he teased. "That's unacceptable."

"Right. Molarity really is a fascinating topic. So fascinating that it put me to sleep," I chuckled.

"Give me the flash cards," Ezra instructed. "You're not going to fall asleep this time."

I smiled and handed the cards to him. I loved how supportive he was being. I was pretty sure most guys his age who were dating younger girls, even college-aged girls, would have just gone a weekend without seeing their girlfriends while they were studying for finals, not actually taken it upon themselves to help them study. He was truly one of a kind.

When we went out for dinner, we just stayed in Rosewood since I'd had a long day and my brain was kind of fried. Not bad. I could still hold an intelligent conversation. But I also didn't feel like going out of town. And about three-quarters of the people who saw us together did a double take. It was all too obvious we were out on a date. He was holding my hand across the table and we were both leaning in across the table talking. Like two people who had been going out for a while and were comfortable with each other. People could obviously tell us being a couple wasn't a new development. I heard some whispers and mumbling, and I could tell he heard it too, but I could also tell he didn't care anymore. And I certainly didn't either.

After dinner, we went and just walked around in the park, stopping for a minute at Alison's memorial like I always did when I passed it. Ezra was respectful and just let me have my quiet moment. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he decided not to. I actually really appreciated that he was respectful and let me have my space when it came to her. Even after all this time, after what had happened with Mona and being taunted about her death and disappearance, it was kind of a sensitive subject for me still.

And yet again, just like last weekend, out of nowhere, a thunderstorm rolled in. Except that this time we got caught in it. We were drenched by the time we made it back to his car. And then we got drenched again running from his car into his apartment building. It didn't help that it was freezing inside his building because it was hot outside.

As soon as we got into the apartment, Ezra turned on the heat and started boiling some water to make hot tea, since it was way too late for coffee. I sat down at the kitchen table, not wanting to get the couch or the bed wet. After a few minutes, he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing my head.

"Aria, you're shaking like a leaf," he said quietly, then paused for a second. "You need to get out of those wet clothes before you get sick. Maybe go take a hot shower?"

I hadn't even noticed it, but as soon as he pointed it out to me, I realized that I was shivering. I was that cold and wet. And I really couldn't argue with his logic. I nodded and got up to head into the bathroom. But before I could walk away, he pulled me in and kissed me. I wasn't sure why, but for some reason, this kiss ignited all my nerve endings. And suddenly a kiss wasn't enough. I needed more. I pulled him back in and kissed him again.

Ezra groaned quietly as he pulled me in closer by the small of my back and deepened the kiss. Apparently he needed this too. A few seconds later, he walked us backwards a few steps and lifted me up onto the kitchen counter. I had a flashback of the first day we met, ending up in a similar position. This time, I was the first to make another move. I pulled his soaking wet shirt off and dropped it on the floor, then ran my hands over his chest and shoulders before pulling him back in to kiss him again. Not thirty seconds later, he pulled my shirt off too, dropping it on top of his on the floor, and immediately went for my bra next, which was also soaked through. I couldn't help noticing that he'd developed a talent for undoing my bra with one swift motion.

"Shower?" he asked quietly between kisses.

I loved that he was asking before just assuming I'd be okay with showering with him. This was something new and different for us. I nodded. I wasn't entirely sure how clean we'd get during this shower, but it was more for heat than bathing anyway. I was still freezing cold, and he was cold to the touch too.

Ezra helped me off the counter and quickly turned off the stove before he kissed me again as he walked us back into the bathroom. He stopped kissing me just long enough to turn on the water in the shower, then kissed my neck, going right for the spot that drove me crazy, and kissed his way all the way down the front of my body until he got to my pants. He quickly undid my pants and pulled them and my underwear off in one quick motion. Seeming like he was studying every curve of my body anew, he stood back up and turned me around, then kissed the back of my neck and worked his way down my back. I had no idea why that turned me on so much, but it did.

"God, I love you," he whispered as he stood back up and tested the water. It was apparently a little too hot, because he added some cold to it.

"I love you," I said just as quietly, taking the opportunity to kiss his back too, as much of it as I could reach.

And that was when I discovered his other weak spot. His breathing quickened as I literally covered every inch of his back that I could with kisses. Apparently that was how he knew I'd be turned on by it. Then I slowly turned him around and went down his chest and stomach until I got to his pants. This time he didn't stop me from undoing them and pulling them down. Just like he'd done with me, I took his pants and boxers off in one quick motion. Then I stood back up and kissed him again. Not breaking the kiss, he tested the water one more time, then quickly stepped in. I followed suit, and he closed the curtain behind us.

Something about the steam and the hot water seemed to just amplify everything. Ezra and I literally could not get close enough fast enough. It seemed like no matter how tight we held each other, how deep our kisses were, it wasn't enough. What we were feeling at this point wasn't just desire; it was need. After about ten minutes, he seemed to hesitate for a second before lifting me up and pressing me against the wall of the shower, just as he'd done a couple of months ago against the door of his apartment. Just as I'd done then, I wrapped my legs around his waist for stability. He broke his kiss and pulled back to look at me.

"You okay?" he asked.

It only took a second for me to realize that, no matter what we did, I was okay with it. That was how much I trusted him and how comfortable I was with him. I'd try anything he wanted. I nodded.

"Just don't let me fall," I said.

"I promise I won't," he said, kissing my nose.

He kissed me one more time. Then, keeping a firm grip on me with one arm, he slowly eased himself inside me with his other hand before gripping my leg again. I groaned a little; this angle was…intense. I needed a second to get used to it.

"Give me a second," I panted.

He nodded. "Tell me when."

I nodded and kissed him again. He didn't move a muscle, other than to use one hand to softly caress my face as we kissed, making sure to keep holding me steady with the other arm.

"I love you," he said softly as he broke the kiss.

"I love you too," I told him. "I'm good now."

"You sure?" he asked.

I smiled; I loved how concerned he was about me. He was always like this when we made love. More concerned about me than himself. Passionate and full of desire just like I was, but a perfect gentleman. His first priority was always making sure that I was comfortable and okay with what we were doing.

"I'm sure," I told him. "I'm good."

He didn't say anything else. He just kissed me again as he slowly started to move. I couldn't tell exactly what it was that was so different about this time than the other times we'd made love (other than the obvious, which was that we were in the shower and upright instead of lying down). It was still slow and passionate. It was absolutely still an act of love. But somehow it was also more…carnal? Was that right? It wasn't just romance this time. It was more need-based. More intense. And that coupled with the intense angle made it last about half as long as the other times, if that. It didn't take either of us very long to finish.

But somehow, that didn't seem to satisfy either one of us. Ezra slowly lowered me down, and now that we'd avoided hypothermia, he turned the shower off. We got out, and he grabbed a towel and quickly got my hair as dry as he could and dried me off before drying himself off. Then, without a word, he kissed me again and walked me backwards out of the bathroom, laying me down on the bed. He didn't need to ask me if I was up for a second round. Somehow he just knew.

This time he did rush his kisses down my body before putting one of my legs up on his shoulder and using his tongue and fingers to work me up to another climax. He came back up and he gave me a few minutes to recover before easing himself inside me again. And again, I noticed the same difference here in bed as I had in the shower. This wasn't just romance or desire. This was need. We both seemed to need each other the way we needed oxygen to breathe. It was like we couldn't kiss for long enough or hold each other tight enough. And, while it was still slow, it was also more intense, more raw. And this time, even more than in the past, we were equals in the process, each of us just somehow seeming to know without being told what the other person wanted or needed.

Neither of us said anything or moved for a while after we were done. It seemed like he was as spent as I was. We just laid there under the covers to avoid getting cold again. Somehow, the heater hadn't quite done its job of warming up the apartment. Or maybe it was just that we were still kind of wet from the shower. Either way, we were forced to use each other and the blanket for warmth. I was the first to break the silence.

"Thunderstorms seem to work well for us," I chuckled.

Ezra laughed. "It would appear so. Luckily for us, summer is about here. Which means lots of them."

"Don't go counting your chickens before they hatch."

"Why? Planning on sacrificing some more of them?" he teased.

"Yes. And I have to double up on them because I'm all out of goats," I shot back.

We both laughed, and he pulled me in for a kiss.

"Do you have any idea how happy you make me?" he asked, looking at me like I was a rare jewel.

"Probably about as happy as you make me," I told him. "I honestly don't know how it's possible to be this happy and not explode."

"I know exactly what you mean," he agreed, pulling me closer by the small of my back and kissing me again. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"Let me get you something to sleep in," he sighed. "I'll do a load of laundry tomorrow and wash those wet clothes so you don't have to wear my clothes back home. Much as I don't want to let you leave."

I chuckled. "Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be for me to leave this apartment over the summer when I won't have a good reason _to_ leave?"

"About as hard as it's going to be for me to let you leave. I may have to clear out a drawer for you."

I smiled. "I wouldn't complain about that."

"Consider it done," Ezra said.


	8. Throws a Shower of Sparks

Chapter Eight  
 _Throws a Shower of Sparks_

I was running through a cemetery with Spencer right behind me. It seemed like everywhere we turned, there was someone in a hoodie, reaching out for us. We kept narrowly evading them, but they were closing in on us. And eventually one of them caught me. I ripped the hood and mask off of the faceless foe's head to find Hanna staring at me with a glare as cold as death.

"It's over, bitch," she said.

And then I woke up, gasping for breath.

"Aria?" Ezra asked quietly.

I took a minute to re-orient myself, to remind myself that there was no more A and that I was safe here with Ezra. And that Hanna was one of my best friends, not the person who had tortured me for months. I started crying. I couldn't help it. I couldn't keep dealing with this. I just wanted the flashbacks and nightmares to stop.

"Come here," Ezra said, pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead. "It's okay. You're okay. It was just a dream. You're safe."

"When will it stop?" I sniffled. "I just want it to be over."

"It _is_ over," he reminded me. "A's gone. Mona's locked away in Radley. She can't hurt you anymore."

"This time my friends were making guest appearances as the people chasing me," I said. "I'm not sure how I'll ever be able to look Hanna in the eye again."

"Hanna?" he chuckled. "Somehow I don't see her as the sadistic torturing type."

I had to chuckle too. It _was_ pretty ridiculous when I thought about it. And then the chuckle turned into a laugh. I couldn't help it. I kind of needed the release.

"Really? It was that funny?" he chuckled again, kissing my head.

"Kind of," I giggled. "It's pretty ridiculous when I stop to think about it. I'm sorry I woke you up. Again."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize for that?"

"At least one more," I sighed, tightening my arm across his chest.

"Try and get some sleep," Ezra told me. "You're safe. I'm right here. I love you."

I had to smile. Ezra had been incredible this summer. School had been out for about a month, and my parents had gotten more and more willing to let me stay with him. They couldn't really say much when I told them (truthfully) that the nightmares were less common when I was with him. I still had them, but not nearly as often. And when I did, he was always awake when I woke up. Every time. Whether from my tossing and turning or just because he somehow knew, I didn't know. And he never would tell me. Really, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was there and that he was unbelievably supportive and sweet. He never failed to remind me that I was still safe, that Mona was still locked away in Radley, that there was no one chasing me and my friends anymore.

"I love you too," I mumbled, already half asleep again. "Night."

I thought I heard him say something else, but I was too far gone to hear what it was.

When I woke up again, it was light outside. And Ezra was still asleep, thank God. I felt horrible for waking him up again last night. It wasn't fair to make him deal with the nightmares. Actually, when I really thought about it, it was selfish of me to stay here so often. Just because it made the nightmares easier to deal with. And because they were less frequent when I was here. I was seventeen, for crying out loud. I was a big girl. I could handle some bad dreams.

Now that he was actually asleep while I was awake for the first time ever, I completely got why he loved watching me sleep so much. It had seemed weird to me until now. But I just laid there looking at him, memorizing his face all over again. And I realized how much _he_ had to trust _me_ to be this vulnerable around me. Any successful relationship was based on trust, and I'd never thought about sleeping next to the person you loved as being a demonstration of that until right now.

Trying not to make the bed move too much or make any noise, I got up to use the bathroom. And when I got back, he was awake. Apparently I'd woken him up just by getting up.

"Morning," I said, climbing back into bed next to him.

"I think this is a first," he said, smiling. "I don't think you've ever woken up before me."

"Well, I did wake you up in the middle of the night," I reminded him.

"Just once this time. That's an improvement."

I looked down. He was right. Usually it was more than once that I woke up in the middle of the night. Which made me even more embarrassed.

"Hey," Ezra said, tilting my chin back up so I'd look at him. "You'll get through this. The nightmares will stop soon enough."

"It's not fair to you to make you deal with them though," I said quietly. "I shouldn't be spending the night so much."

"Yes, you should be," he insisted. "I worry about you when you're not here."

Damn Ezra and the puddles he made me melt into. How had I actually gotten this lucky? He could have had anyone he wanted. Someone closer to his age. Without the baggage. But he'd chosen me. I still didn't get it.

"How did I get this lucky?" I asked.

"I'm the lucky one," he said, pulling me in for a kiss.

I smiled. "No, I'm pretty sure you have that backwards. I'm not worth this much trouble."

"Yes, you are. Getting woken up in the middle of the night is a small price to pay for having you in my life."

"If you say so," I chuckled.

"So are we going to keep lying here debating this or are you going to let me get up and make coffee?" he teased.

"I'm not stopping you," I laughed.

"Okay," he chuckled.

Ezra kissed me one more time before getting up and going to the kitchen. Just like I always did, I took a minute to admire the view before getting up. Then I went to the drawer he'd cleared out for me and grabbed a pair of shorts, not bothering with a top for the moment. I wasn't going anywhere until later this afternoon. I was good staying in his t-shirt for now.

"Do you have anything planned for today?" Ezra asked me.

"Yeah, that photography class I signed up for starts today," I reminded him. "I have to be out of here by one. And I really should show my face at home at some point. So my parents don't think you've murdered me."

"Probably smart," he sighed. "You don't want to push your luck too much."

"My thoughts exactly."

His cell phone rang, and I walked over to hand it to him. I didn't look to see who it was. I wasn't _that_ girlfriend. Wanting to know who he was talking to every time the phone rang. Besides, hopefully it was a call about a job. He pulled me in and kissed my head before answering it.

"Hey, Wes," he answered. "What's up?"

There was a pause as Wes, whoever he was, spoke.

"Um, I'm unemployed, remember?" Ezra scoffed. "I'm pretty sure I couldn't even afford to breathe the air in the Hamptons."

Another pause.

"No, I'm good," he said. "I've got a pretty compelling reason not to go, even if you do cover me."

I had to smile. He was apparently passing up on a free trip to the Hamptons because of me. I wasn't sure I would have done the same if our places had been switched.

"Remind me to give you this hard a time when you get a girlfriend," Ezra chuckled awkwardly, coming to sit down next to me on the couch and pulling me against him.

This had to be his brother. He wouldn't be joking about that with anyone else.

"Now that, I just might take you up on. I'll talk to Aria and let you know," he said. "But that means you have some serious cleaning to do if the condition of that place the last time I saw it is any indication."

There was another short pause.

"Deal," Ezra laughed, kissing my head. "I think I can manage that. Okay, I'll call you later and let you know if you need to decontaminate…I mean clean your apartment."

Another pause.

"Wow. What exactly do you think…you know what? Never mind. I'm not going there," he said, shaking his head. "I'm hanging up now."

He did hang up, then he turned to me. He was still chuckling and shaking his head.

"I take it that was your brother?" I asked.

"What gave that away?" he laughed. "Anyway, is the Fourth of July like some huge deal at your house? Or can I steal you for a couple of days? You probably figured out my brother is going to the Hamptons with some family friends. And when I passed on going, he offered to let us stay at his apartment in the city while he's gone. You can see like three different fireworks shows from the roof. And the city is half empty because everyone and their mother will be in the Hamptons like him."

"That sounds amazing. But I'll have to run it by my parents first. The only reason they're even considering letting me spend time with you at all is because I'm being honest about it now."

"Okay," he said, giving me a kiss. "If you could talk to them today, that would be amazing. I think he's going to need all the time he can get to make that place somewhat presentable."

I laughed. "You realize I don't care, right?"

"You might not, but I do," he countered. "I'm not going to have your first impression of my brother be a typical college student's apartment."

"If you'll recall, my first impression of your brother was the guy who helped you plan and execute the most amazing and romantic first date in history," I reminded him. "I can deal with a little mess."

He just looked at me like he was completely in awe.

"What?" I asked.

"I keep expecting to wake up and find out this is all a dream. That I'm still getting ready to start my first day of teaching high school and trying to work up the nerve to call the amazing girl I met in a bar the night before," he chuckled.

"Um, if it was a dream, you'd still have a job," I countered. "And that girl wouldn't have turned out to be a student in one of your classes."

"Or maybe the universe knew I'd be too much of a chicken to actually pick up the phone and call you so it brought you back into my life in a way I couldn't ignore."

I laughed. "Were you really that guy? The one who would stare at his phone for like half an hour and then dial the number but not actually press the call button for another twenty minutes?"

"I was," he admitted. "And I'd write out something to say in case I got the girl's voicemail so I wasn't just leaving a message on the fly. Which usually ended in a ton of crumpled pieces of paper in the trash can because I rewrote it so many times."

I started laughing again. I was trying to picture Ezra as that guy, but it was difficult. Because, while he'd always let me make the first move to take any steps forward in this relationship, he'd never seemed nervous or hesitant about anything. Maybe the first time we'd slept together, but I had a feeling that was more him being nervous about making me uncomfortable than it was about his own insecurities. While he always treated me like an adult and _never_ made our age difference an issue or even brought it up at all, he knew being this serious and intimate with someone was a first for me, and he'd never put any pressure on me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Point being, he'd always been confident, but respectful. I just couldn't picture him as the nervous and insecure guy who had to spend hours, maybe even days, trying to work up the nerve to call a girl.

"What?" he laughed with me.

"I'm trying to picture that, but I just can't," I giggled. "You've never been like that with me, ever."

He smiled and kissed me again.

"Because you've changed me," he told me. "You've made me a different person. A better person. Certainly more confident. And someone who actually believes that the kind of love I've read about in books for my entire life is possible. I didn't think it was before I met you. I always just settled."

I smiled and felt myself blush a little. It was still hard to believe sometimes. That _I'd_ found the kind of love I'd read about in Jane Austen novels and Shakespeare sonnets at only seventeen years old. I gave him another kiss, and almost before either of us knew what was happening, it deepened and he pulled me closer. I moved so I was straddling his lap, and a few minutes later, I felt his hand slip under my shirt, pulling me even closer by my waist and sliding up my back. As he went for my neck, I sighed. I didn't have time for this right now. Not if I was going to go back home, grab my camera, and talk to my parents before going to the photography class.

"I need to get in the shower," I sighed.

He sighed too, and pulled his hand out of my shirt before giving me one last kiss.

"Okay," he said, letting me up without another word.

I walked back into my house about an hour and a half later and found that both of my parents were home. Well, that would make this easier.

"Hey, honey," my mom said. "What are you up to today?"

"I've got that photography class starting this afternoon, remember?" I reminded her.

"Oh, that's right. Are you excited about it?" she asked.

"Yeah, I am," I said truthfully. "I'm looking forward to learning something new that's just for fun."

"You definitely deserve a little bit of fun in your life after everything you've been through this year."

And there was my opening to ask her about New York. I had a feeling the answer was going to be no, which would disappoint him, I was sure. But I knew he'd understand. He wouldn't try to lay a guilt trip on me or anything. He _did_ know I wasn't a legal adult yet. Not for another year.

"Yeah, about that," I said nervously. "Um, Ezra got a call from his brother this morning. Wes lives in New York City, actually in that apartment building Ezra took me to for our first real date a couple of months ago. Anyway, he's going up to the Hamptons with some family friends for Fourth of July weekend and he offered Ezra his apartment in the city while he's gone so Ezra can get away for a little bit too."

"And Ezra asked you to go with him," she finished.

"Yeah, he did."

"Absolutely not," my dad said immediately. "There is no way you're going out of town with him."

"Byron, calm down for a second," my mom said slowly.

Wait, was she actually about to try to talk my dad into letting me go? I definitely hadn't been expecting that. She'd been more and more accepting of my relationship, but she was still several steps down from being okay with it.

"I'm calm," he said. "But that doesn't mean I'm about to let Aria go out of town with her former teacher, who she's now dating. Which for some strange reason, you seem to be okay with."

"Okay, if you're calm, can we discuss this rationally?" my mom asked.

"There's nothing to discuss," my dad insisted.

"Yes, there is. You know Aria has been through hell this year. And that Ezra has been a big part of helping her to heal from what happened to her," she started.

"I do know that," he admitted. "But just because we're now allowing her to see him doesn't mean that we should be allowing her to go out of town with him alone."

"Because she's not alone with him when she's at his apartment?"

My dad didn't say anything. Because he didn't have a good response to that. He knew as well as my mom did that I was alone with him every time I spent the night at his apartment.

My mom looked back at me and sighed.

"Aria, how long does Ezra plan on being gone for?" she asked.

"I'm not exactly sure," I admitted. "We didn't talk about a lot of specifics. He just brought it up and I told him I had to run it by you first. But I don't think longer than three, maybe four days."

"And you'd be staying at his brother's apartment," she said, almost to herself. "Did he mention plans for what you'd be doing in the city?"

"Um, he mentioned playing tourist in the city basically. I imagine it'll be a lot of free and cheap stuff. Since, well, he doesn't have a job. So probably Central Park, maybe a museum or two, stuff like that. And we'll just go up to the roof of his brother's building to watch the fireworks. Great view, but a lot less people, from what he tells me."

My mom was silent for a minute as she mulled this over in her head. Then she sighed.

"I'll let you go on two conditions," she said.

"Ella," my dad started.

"Byron, New York City is less than three hours away, not on the other side of the country," my mom told him. "And I think a change of scenery would do Aria some good. As long as she promises to call us and check in when she gets there and every morning, I'm comfortable with her being with Ezra. I'm about ninety-eight percent certain he's not a serial killer."

I chuckled tensely. No, he certainly wasn't. I was completely blown away. I hadn't expected it to be this easy. I'd expected to have to beg and plead with them for a couple of days before they would even consider agreeing to this.

"I can do that," I told her.

"An actual phone call, not a text," my mom said. "I want to hear your voice. By noon every day."

"Okay."

"And I want his brother's address. I'm not going to follow you two there, but if you're more than fifteen minutes late calling me, I'm getting in a car and coming to pick you up. Do you understand me?"

Well, those were both reasonable requests. And a reasonable punishment if I didn't call her like I'd promised. I had absolutely no issues with either one of those things, and I doubted Ezra would either.

"Yes, I understand," I said, then checked my phone. I had to get going if I was going to get to my class on time. "Um, look, I have to get to my photography class. I really just came home to grab my camera. But I'll be home for dinner, and you can say anything else you need to say to me about this then, okay?"

My dad sighed in resignation; he knew it was pointless arguing with my mom about this. Which meant it was official. I had permission to go to New York with Ezra.

I walked back into Ezra's apartment after my class to find him on the computer surfing job websites.

"Hey," I said as I walked in and walked over to his desk.

"Hey," he said, sounding a little confused. "I didn't think you'd be back today."

"I'm not staying," I told him. "I promised my parents I'd be home for dinner. I just wanted to tell you that I talked to them about New York before I left for my photography class."

"And?" he asked, the beginnings of a smile starting to form.

"And my dad wasn't happy about it, but my mom said I can go on the condition that I call her to check in when we get there and by noon every day we're there and that she gets Wes's address. And if I'm more than fifteen minutes late calling, she's coming to pick me up."

He grinned and pulled me down onto his lap to kiss me. I giggled; I was glad I'd made him so happy. He was always happy when I was here, but with his life in general? I knew he wished it was in a different place right now. So did I. The kind of smile that I'd just seen on his face, a grin of absolute joy, was rare these days.

"I do need to ask you one thing, though," I said when he finally let me talk. "How long is this trip going to last? My mom wasn't crazy about giving me permission without knowing dates."

"Well, Wes is leaving Thursday morning and coming back Monday afternoon. So I figured we'd get there Thursday afternoon and leave Monday morning. If that's okay with them. If they'd rather we shorten it by a day on either end, we can," he told me, giving me another kiss. "I'm just happy they're letting you come at all."

"I can tell," I chuckled. "So am I. I think I could use a change of scenery right now."

"I was thinking the same thing. That's why I jumped on this chance. I think getting out of this town where so much has happened to you for a few days would do you a world of good," Ezra said.

I sighed contentedly and rested my head on his shoulder; he kissed my forehead and squeezed me tight. And we just sat there in silence for a little while before I glanced at his cable box and realized it was a quarter to six.

"I have to go," I said, lifting my head back up to look at him.

"I know," he sighed. "See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," I agreed.

Ezra kissed me, as soft and sweet as a whisper.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you too," I told him. "I'll see you in the morning."

The weeks went by in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, Ezra and I were headed out of town. I hadn't realized I would be nervous about going on a trip with him until I put my duffel bag in the trunk of his car. That made it real all of a sudden. This was our first trip together. And that was a pretty big step. Yeah, we'd practically been living together this summer, but it wasn't the same. This was just the two of us, alone in a different city where we didn't know anyone else, twenty-four hours a day.

"You okay?" Ezra asked as we got into the car. "You're so quiet."

I chuckled nervously.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "Just tired. I didn't sleep so well last night."

"Aria, it's not too late to tell me you're not comfortable with this," he said, turning to look at me. "We haven't left yet. You know I'll never try to force you into anything you don't want to do."

Damn him and his ability to read my mind. Of course he saw right through me. And of course he was concerned about me being comfortable with taking this trip. He knew it was a big step too. I took a second to think about it, to honestly consider whether or not I was about to do something I was uncomfortable with just because I wanted to make him happy. And, I realized, while I was nervous, I wanted this. I wanted to go to New York with him. For a lot of reasons. And I felt completely safe with him, just like I always had. I wasn't uncomfortable with this notion, just a little nervous. I was sure that would pass before we even got to the city.

"I'm not uncomfortable with it," I told him. "Just a little nervous. I don't even know why. But I'll get over it. I'm good."

Ezra leaned over and kissed me, stroking my cheek softly.

"I love you," he said quietly. "You have no reason to be nervous. It's just the two of us. And if you want to come home, no matter when, just say the word. We're back in the car immediately. No questions, no judgements. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded. This was why I loved him. Why I felt so safe with him. Because as long as I was open and honest with him, I had no reason to be nervous. He never judged me, no matter what. He loved me unconditionally.

He kissed me one more time, then turned the key in the ignition and plugged his iPod into the auxiliary.

"Ready to get out of here?" he asked.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "Am I about to be laughing at your taste in music for the entire drive?"

He laughed and handed me the iPod.

"Possibly," he said. "But since I'm driving and need to focus on the road, you get to be the deejay."

I hit shuffle, and as luck would have it, the first song was our song. B26 itself. "Happiness" by The Fray.

"Okay, this one's not so bad," I teased.

That got another laugh out of him.

"It's definitely grown on me recently," he said, grabbing my hand and kissing it before backing out of the parking spot.

It was crazy how little traffic there was in downtown New York City. There was definitely some. And judging by how those people were driving, they were almost certainly tourists. But Ezra had been right. I'd never seen New York City like this before. The residential parts were almost deserted. This was confirmed by the absolute silence in his brother's apartment building as we walked to his apartment.

"I have to admit, I didn't really believe you when you said how quiet it would be in the city this weekend," I told Ezra as we walked in. "It's almost eerie."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "It'll be a little more crowded in downtown Manhattan, but it's literally half of what it usually is. Partially because all the locals have cut and run and partially because it's too hot for most people to want to go outside. We're definitely going to have to stay well-hydrated."

"A little heat doesn't scare me," I told him. "That's why I packed accordingly. It can't be any worse than Philly in the dead of summer."

"It's about on par with Philly at least. Anyway, I'm impressed with my brother. He actually cleaned the place up."

I chuckled. "Definitely looks like a stereotypical bachelor pad."

"And you just summed Wes up. A stereotypical bachelor. I can almost guarantee he brought the latest girl he's trying to impress with him. Though why the Hamptons on Fourth of July weekend has any appeal for either of them, I'll never know. It's so crowded you can barely move on the beach."

"Tell me the truth. If it hadn't been for me, would you have still passed on the free trip? I know he offered to cover you."

"I don't know," he told me. "It can be a lot of fun, if you don't mind the crowd. But getting to spend time alone with you is much better than getting wasted on the beach with tons of people I've never met."

"Smooth," I chuckled. "Um, I need to call my mom and let her know we made it."

"Okay," Ezra said, giving me a kiss. "I'll go take the bags to the bedroom and then we can head out for a little while."

I nodded and pulled my phone out of my purse to make the call. She didn't keep me on the phone long. Just long enough to make sure we got here safe. And just as I hung up, I heard a chuckle coming from the bedroom. I went back there to see what it was.

"What's funny?" I asked.

He turned around holding a brand new set of sheets, still in the packaging.

"These were on the bed," he chuckled.

I had to laugh with him. Clearly his brother was telling him to change the sheets before we left. Which was a reasonable request. He could have done it a little more tactfully, sure, but judging from the phone conversations I'd heard, I gathered that this was the kind of relationship Ezra had with his brother. Open, honest, and maybe a little ornery at times. They gave each other a hard time, but it was all in good fun.

"Subtle," I said, still laughing.

"I'm going to kill him," Ezra said, shaking his head.

"Ezra, if you honestly think that's going to scare me off, perhaps you're forgetting the past few months," I reminded him. "Asking you to change the sheets before we leave is a pretty reasonable request, as far as I'm concerned. Maybe he could have been a little more tactful about it, though."

He smiled and chuckled again as he kissed me.

"Okay, maybe I won't _kill_ him. Maybe I'll just maim him," he teased.

"Or you could let it slide and just give him a hard time about it," I chuckled. "Ready to head out for a little bit?"

"Yeah, I'm ready. Did you want to grab your camera out of your bag?"

"Oh, yeah," I remembered. "Thanks for reminding me."

I grabbed my camera bag out of my duffel, and we headed out. And now that I was halfway through the photography class I'd started on the day he'd invited me to come here, I saw all kinds of picturesque material that I never would have noticed before. The mid-afternoon sun on the apartment buildings gave the whole street an almost otherworldly glow, which was magnified by the fact that it was deserted except for us. I took a few shots, and I looked over at Ezra, who was grinning from ear to ear. I could tell he was happy to see me enjoying myself and getting lost in my photography. He was glad I'd found a new creative outlet, especially since I'd had a hard time writing since everything with Mona.

"Come here," he said, pulling me in with one arm. "This isn't going to be nearly as good as the ones you're taking, but…"

He pulled his cell phone out and snapped a quick selfie of the two of us. I chuckled.

"I can go one better," I told him. "You'll have to do it, but…"

I pulled the screen out of the housing and flipped it around so it was facing us. Then I handed the camera to him.

"I wanted to get a camera with a timer and then get a tripod to go with the camera, but it was a little more than I wanted to spend," I told him after he took the picture. "So I settled for one that had a screen that flipped around."

"Honestly, this is probably better for this weekend," he told me. "Leaving the camera on a tripod unattended still isn't wise in the middle of New York City."

We didn't even do much of anything over the course of the afternoon, but by the time we got back to Wes's apartment, we were both exhausted from just walking around. He hadn't been kidding. This kind of heat was…I had no words. It just zapped the life right out of us. Thank God for air conditioning. And the spray bottle fans he'd thought to bring, which he'd filled with ice water before we left. We just threw dinner together in the kitchen that Wes had been kind enough to stock for us, showered, and watched TV in bed until we fell asleep.

Since the next day was ninety-eight degrees with a heat index of 107 thanks to the humidity, we decided to take the subway to the Museum of Natural History for the day. A good portion of it was just a mandatory "pay what you will" donation, and we spent the whole day there and still didn't see everything. I found the stuffed taxidermy animals a little creepy, which Ezra laughed at me for. What could I say? The idea of dead animals was creepy to me, no matter what form they came in. My favorite part was the gemstones, which were down in the basement, in a completely dark room with just backlit display cases. I couldn't believe that in all the times I'd come to New York, I'd never come here. It was a pretty amazing place. Or maybe it was the company that made it better.

The next day was the Fourth, and since it was a little cooler (which meant ninety-three degrees with a heat index of a hundred), we decided to pack a picnic lunch and head to Central Park for the day. I'd been to a few of the more famous sites, but we went to some of the lesser-known spots. And some of the famous sites too. My favorite parts had always been the John Lennon memorial and the Literary Walk (big surprise, it was one of Ezra's favorite spots too). And the Alice in Wonderland statue was always fun, though crawling with kids as usual. But where we ended up stopping for lunch was a pretty iconic place that I'd never bothered to actually stop and see before. The Bethesda Fountain. Maybe because I felt like I'd already seen it thanks to the tons of movies it had been featured in. But the second we got to the top of the stairs and saw it in person, I regretted never having stopped here before. It was so much more incredible in person.

"This has always been one of my favorite places in Central Park," Ezra told me. "Despite how busy it usually is."

"I can't believe I've never actually stopped to really look at it before," I said. "It's amazing."

"There's a two-part play that I taught to a couple of my classes at Hollis that features this fountain as a central location. It's called _Angels in America_. It's incredible, and there's an HBO miniseries based off of it. I think that's a big part of why I like this place so much. Do me a favor though, and if you decide to look it up, don't tell your parents I was the one who told you about it. I'd like them to still let me see you," he chuckled.

I had to laugh. Though they tried to stay in denial about it, my parents already knew he'd been a corrupting influence on me.

"That bad?" I giggled.

"Well, it's about the AIDS epidemic, set in 1985 here in New York. And it's pretty graphic. In more ways than one."

"Say no more," I said; I immediately got what he was trying to tell me. "Don't worry, I won't tell my parents you told me about it. If I even have time to watch it at all. Why'd you teach it if it's so graphic?"

"Because it was taught in one of my classes in my senior year of college. And I felt like it was important enough that I wanted to include it in my classes too. Some of it is a little outdated, but a lot of it is still very relevant. So I taught it to my seniors."

"The ones who were old enough to actually have a mature discussion about it," I finished.

"Exactly."

"So am I going to be scarred for life if I watch it?" I teased.

"No, you won't," he chuckled. "Maybe a little shocked that it's something I actually taught to my college classes. But you'll see why I think it's an important piece of Americana. And you'll get to see Meryl Streep play a little old Jewish rabbi."

"Well, now I have to watch it," I laughed. "That's not something you see every day."

"Definitely not. You won't even recognize her," he chuckled again. "It doesn't get nearly enough recognition. Probably because when you do go see it live, it's an all-day event. It's performed in two parts, and you have to buy tickets to each individual show."

"Wow. Seriously?"

"Yep," Ezra said. "I saw an off-Broadway production a few years back. Worth every cent and the entire day I spent at the theater. Though the girl I took with me wasn't as impressed. Ended up falling asleep during the second show. I broke up with her like a week later."

I chuckled and rested my head on his shoulder; he turned and kissed my hair. It meant the world to me that he clearly thought I was mature enough to handle reading and/or watching material that he usually taught to students who were four or five years older than I was. This conversation we'd just had basically summed up why we worked. Because he treated me not as a child, but as an adult. As an equal in every sense of the word. We were truly partners.

That night, we took dinner up to the roof of the apartment building so we could watch the fireworks. He brought a CD player up with us and plugged his iPod in to it so we could have our own soundtrack to the show. Which was bound to be a lot better than whatever music they were playing at the actual locations. No one else was up here with us, which made this all the more magical. And after the sun went down, it dropped about fifteen degrees, so it was actually bordering on pleasant outside. Though still really humid.

He hadn't been kidding. We could see three different fireworks shows from the roof, and we had a private front-row seat to them. This was so much better than going to the small-town firework show in Rosewood and listening to some crappy local band play covers of "God Bless the USA" and "America the Beautiful." It helped that I was getting to share this with the man I loved, though. And he was very visibly thrilled that I was here with him. Just like he'd done on the first night we'd come to this rooftop, he stood behind me as I leaned against the balcony railing and wrapped his arms around my shoulders as we watched. The only time he let go was to take another selfie of the two of us and to take a couple of pictures of the fireworks themselves. I was surprised at how good they came out in the dark. As soon as the last firework went off, I turned around to face him.

"I love you," I said quietly.

Ezra didn't say anything. He just kissed me with more fire than the entire fireworks display we'd just watched had in it. I returned the kiss eagerly, and after a few minutes, he lifted me up and sat me on the balcony edge. I felt the railing against my lower back, and it made me more than a little nervous. I felt like I was about to fall backwards over the edge. I was about to say something, but I didn't even have to.

"I've got you," he whispered, kissing me softly. "I won't let go."

True to his word, he never let go of me even for a second. He held me tight as we kissed, but it didn't feel like he was holding me just to keep me from falling. It still felt intimate and passionate. Like he was truly just trying to close any distance possible between us. The thought crossed my mind that if nothing else showed him how much I trusted him, this should. Because if he let go of me, there was a very real possibility of me falling backwards to my death. The fact that I was letting this happen meant I trusted him completely, with my life, with my heart, with everything.

I couldn't tell how long we stayed there like that before he carefully lifted me off of the balcony edge and set me back down on the ground. It was kind of getting to the point where we needed to take this back down to the apartment. Surprisingly enough, for the first time since we'd been here. We'd never been the couple to force sex. To make it happen just because it seemed like it was what we were supposed to do at a specific point in time. We always just let it happen when it felt right. And tonight, right now, it was right. Nothing felt more natural.

As soon as we got back into the bedroom, it was like our clothes couldn't come off fast enough. And as we laid down on the bed, suddenly I wanted to try something different. Something we'd never done before. Our foreplay had always been one-sided. The idea of reciprocating had always just made me uncomfortable. He'd never said anything about it, of course. It was like the idea never even crossed his mind. But after what had just happened on the roof, with me quite literally putting my life in his hands, something had changed. It had made me realize in a much more vivid way than ever before that I was always safe with him. No matter what. He'd never judge me. If I started and felt uncomfortable and wanted to stop, he'd never say anything about it. If anything, he'd tell me how brave I was for trying and tell me for the millionth time how much he loved me.

I had barely even started to try to roll us over when Ezra took the cue and did the work for me. That was how in tune we'd gotten with each other. Somehow we both just knew what the other person wanted. I kissed him one more time, trying to build up a little extra courage, and then slowly started trailing kisses down his neck. After a minute, he pulled me back up for another kiss, holding me tight, almost as tight as he had on the roof.

"I love you," he whispered when he finally broke the kiss.

I just smiled and kissed him again, then went back down to his neck. This time, he let me keep going down his shoulders, chest, and stomach. When I got where I was headed, I took a breath and went for it before I lost my nerve. And discovered that, just like with everything else we'd done, I hadn't had any reason to be nervous about this. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable at all. It felt right. Like the most natural thing in the world. And judging from what I was hearing, he enjoyed it every bit as much as I did when he did this for me, so clearly I was doing something right.

When I was done (er, when he was done), he couldn't get me back up to the head of the bed fast enough. He gently grabbed me by my upper arms and pulled me back up. He didn't say anything; he just kissed me with enough passion to light this entire apartment building, possibly the whole block, on fire.

"I love you so much," he whispered when he finally broke the kiss, stroking my cheek softly.

I smiled. "I love you."

He kissed me again, rolling us back over so he was on top. He was holding me so close it was almost impossible to tell where my body stopped and his began. I could tell he was trying to make sure I still felt safe. He knew I'd be feeling a little vulnerable, and he wanted to reassure me without making it awkward by actually saying anything about what had just happened. Because that would have been out of the ordinary for us. We never talked about what happened between us in bed. It just happened, and then we were back to being us. That oh so magical and perfect combination.

Ezra took his time as he left a trail of kisses on my body, working his way down. Almost as much as he had during the second time we'd done this. When he'd been trying to fix what he felt like he'd done wrong the first time. It would have been torture had I not just surrendered myself to the sensation of my nerve endings igniting everywhere his lips touched. He knew where to focus his attention and spent more time on those places, but he made sure not a single inch, or even centimeter, of me was untouched. And, oh, did he take his time with the foreplay itself, and with the lovemaking afterwards. Almost too much time. But rather than focusing on the end result, I just enjoyed the journey. The sweet, tender intimacy that had become so familiar, but at the same time was just a little different every time.

By the time were done, it was almost two in the morning. I was exhausted; this had been a _long_ day. One of the best of my life, but long. Ezra clearly was too, because neither of us even bothered to get back out of bed to get dressed. We just laid there in bed silently, curled up next to each other, wrapped in each other's arms. But neither of us could sleep. It was like we were afraid if we fell asleep, we'd wake up to find that today had been a dream. I couldn't tell how long it had been when he broke the comfortable silence.

"You awake?" he asked quietly. Quietly enough that, if I had been asleep, it wouldn't have woken me.

"Mm," I mumbled.

He tilted my chin up so he could kiss me. I melted a little.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking right into my eyes.

Okay, so I melted a lot. Again with me being overwhelmed at his concern for my well-being. Even after the fact. I kissed him again.

"Never better," I told him.

That earned me another kiss. Which turned into, well, more than just another kiss. As it deepened and we started to pull each other closer, hold each other tighter, he rolled us back over so he was above me. And he bent one of my legs up a little and gently eased himself back inside me. I moaned quietly into his mouth, which hadn't left mine for even a second, as he slowly started to move.

"I love you," I said quietly, for probably at least the twentieth time in the past few hours, when he finally let me talk.

He whispered my name like a prayer as he brought his lips back to mine.

After a couple of minutes, he surprised me by rolling us over so I was on top. I gasped a little as the angle changed, became more intense. It seemed that tonight was full of new and different things. Things that gave me more control over what we were doing. Made me more of an equal in this. Not that he hadn't already treated me as an equal, but this was just different. I bent down to kiss him again and took a second to find my rhythm. Which wasn't too different from what his had been.

I woke up to Ezra's lips on my head and him softly shaking me back to consciousness. I groaned a little; I was dog tired and had a little bit of a headache. It had been probably after four in the morning by the time we'd finally fallen asleep.

"I hate to wake you up, but unless you want your parents to get in a car and come up here, you might want to call them," he said quietly. "Then you can go back to sleep. I know it was a late night."

I looked at the clock and realized it was almost noon. Like, I literally had fifteen minutes before my mom would start freaking out. If she wasn't already. I'd called her by ten yesterday. And I _never_ slept this late.

"Wow. How'd that happen?" I chuckled.

"That's what happens when you're up until four in the morning," he teased, giving me a kiss.

I smiled and knocked the cobwebs out of my head as I reached over to grab my phone off the nightstand. And sure enough, I already had a missed call from my mom. I called her back, prepared for her wrath.

"Aria," she answered immediately. "Are you okay?"

"You realize I still had fifteen minutes before noon, right?" I chuckled.

"Well, yes, but… Okay, so I was being _that_ mom," she chuckled too. "But seriously, are you okay?"

"I'm great," I told her, trying to keep the smile out of my voice. The kiss I got on my shoulder didn't help in that endeavor. "Ezra and I were just up super late last night. He actually woke me up just so I could call you."

"He gets points for that," she said. "So you had a good Fourth?"

"Yeah. Central Park was surprisingly quiet yesterday, which was nice. Even though it was hotter than hell. And fireworks are a lot nicer when you don't actually hear them. And when you're not listening to crappy local bands doing covers of patriotic songs. What about you guys?"

"Well, we did listen to crappy local bands doing covers of patriotic songs and hear the fireworks. I wish I'd brought earplugs."

"You say that every year," I giggled. "Maybe one year you'll actually remember before you get there."

"Maybe. So, what are your plans for your last day in New York?"

"Not quite sure yet. We'll figure it out once we've had coffee. I'll text and let you know when we know."

"Okay. Have fun. And tell Ezra thank you for waking you up to call me."

"I will," I told her. "Love you, Mom."

God, that was awkward to say while I was lying in bed next to my boyfriend, who used to be my high school teacher, still undressed after our midnight/early morning bedroom activities. I had to stop myself from laughing. It didn't help that I heard him chuckling quietly. He'd clearly seen the awkward humor in it too.

"Love you too, honey," my mom said, then hung up.

I put my phone back on the nightstand and turned around to look at Ezra, who was clearly still trying to keep back laughter.

"I'm not sure which is more awkward, the fact that I just called my mother while lying in bed next to you without a stitch of clothing on or the fact that she just told me to thank you for waking me up to make that call," I chuckled.

And after that, he couldn't hold the laughter he'd been keeping at bay in anymore, which made me start laughing too. I loved that we could just find the humor in this awkward situation instead of having it turn into something embarrassing.

"So, do you want to go back to sleep for a little while or should I start the coffee?" he asked.

"Start the coffee," I told him. "I'm not spending my last day in New York sleeping all day."

We ended up taking the subway to Chelsea and checking out some of the art galleries there. And playing the "if I had more money than brains, what pieces would I put in my house" game. There was some seriously cool art in a lot of the galleries, but there was one piece I absolutely fell in love with. An almost abstract painting of the Bethesda fountain. Okay, my feelings about it were helped enormously by the perfect day we'd spent in Central Park yesterday, but still. It was gorgeous.

As we were lying in bed watching TV, much earlier than last night since we had to get up, get packed, and change the sheets like Wes had asked us to before leaving tomorrow, a realization suddenly hit me. Something that was a small miracle, but that I hadn't even thought about up until now. Which in itself was part of the miracle.

"Do you realize I haven't had a single nightmare since we've been here?" I asked Ezra.

"I was wondering when you were going to notice," he said, kissing my head. "Seems like the change of scenery really did help."

"Let's just hope it's permanent," I sighed. "Though I probably just jinxed it by saying something."

Ezra chuckled. "Well, if you think like that of course it's not going to be permanent. You have to think positive."

"I'm trying to," I sighed again. "But I'm also not getting my hopes up."

After Ezra dropped me back off at home the next afternoon, I went through my pictures and went on Facebook to post the best ones. And I was greeted by a notification that he'd tagged me in a post. Of course he'd posted the pictures he'd taken. What I didn't know was that among the pictures he'd taken on the night of the Fourth were a couple of me watching the fireworks, just like he'd taken of me watching the sunset the first time we'd gone there, and also some of me getting lost in my photography. But this time, instead of writing a lengthy post explaining them, he'd just written a single sentence. A single sentence that only I would really get. And it made me grin from ear to ear.

 _Happiness throws a shower of sparks._


	9. Has a Violent Roar

Chapter Nine  
 _Has a Violent Roar_

"Okay. We got up here yesterday afternoon. We roasted marshmallows, we talked about how much fun senior year is going to be, and we went to bed early," Spencer said slowly, making sure we all understood.

God, I couldn't believe this was happening again. After having a perfect, A-free summer, we were back in the middle of another mess. This time we'd found Emily in the cemetery next to Alison's dug-up grave in the middle of the night. And she had no memory of how she got there or what happened. So here we were again, spinning lies and keeping secrets from the people we cared about so we could protect each other.

I awoke with a start, trying to convince myself that this had all been a dream. Except that this time it hadn't just been a dream. This had actually happened.

"Are you okay?" Ezra asked, putting down the book he'd been reading and turning to face me. "Aria?"

I just sat up, still trying to re-orient myself.

"I thought the nightmares stopped," he said softly, touching my arm.

Well, they had. As a matter of fact, this was the first nightmare I'd had since before New York.

"I guess they started again," I sighed.

"Hey," Ezra said, brushing my hair back from my face. "You're still safe, Aria. There's no more A. You were far away from this mess last night. Thank God you stayed at Spencer's lake house." He paused for a second, then pointed at the newspaper on the coffee table. "Did you read this?"

I shook my head.

"Apparently Maya found some things that belonged to Alison," he told me as he picked up the paper.

"No, no, she gave everything to Jason," I remembered.

"Well, actually, they think that she may have kept something. Something that connected Garrett to Alison's murder," he continued.

Wait, what?

"That doesn't make sense. She would have told Emily," I countered.

"Well, maybe that's what she was on her way to do, but Garrett found her first," he said. He got really quiet for a second, but then he seemed to snap out of it all of a sudden. "Do you know what this weekend is?"

Of course I did. This weekend was Labor Day weekend. The anniversary of when we first met. But I decided to mess with him a little bit.

"How could I forget? Labor Day is the anniversary of Alison's death," I said glumly, getting up from the couch to grab a drink out of the fridge. I settled on a half-empty bottle of wine. I kind of needed a real drink after this weekend, and he never cared if I had alcohol when I was with him, as long as I wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"Or…I was about to start a teaching job," Ezra said, sounding a little disappointed at the thought that I wouldn't have remembered our anniversary, as he got up and walked over to me. "And you thought you might like to teach. Was that true, or were you just hitting on me?"

Okay, I couldn't do this anymore. Not when he was being this adorable.

"Did you really play B26, or were you just hitting on me?" I teased as I put the wine on the counter.

He chuckled, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, putting my hands down into the collar.

"Can we make this _our_ anniversary instead of hers?" Ezra said as he ran his hands down my arms. "Meet me tomorrow night at the Rosewood Grille. I will be the guy at the bar reading _Ulysses_."

"You still haven't finished that book?" I asked. He'd been reading it for the entire time I'd known him.

"No one has," he teased.

I chuckled, and he laughed with me. He could be such a dork. But it was one of the many reasons I loved him so much.

"I'm just a hopeless romantic. I thought we could re-create the date," he finished.

Oh, now he admitted he was a hopeless romantic? None of the other things he'd done this summer were proof of that (like, say, a first date that consisted of a limousine ride to an apartment building in New York City that had a candlelight dinner waiting for us on the rooftop), but this was? Yep. Dork.

"I wouldn't exactly call it a _date_ ," I reminded him. "We ended the night in the bathroom."

"I remember," Ezra said. "I think it went something like…" he picked me up and put me on the counter "…this?"

"And then I did something like this," I said, winding my legs around his waist and pulling him closer as I kissed him.

As we kissed, reminiscing about how we met, I realized something. I realized that he had been right about the universe knowing we needed a little push in each other's direction. Because I had been trying to work up the nerve to call him too. But knowing that he'd just graduated from college, knowing our age difference, I couldn't do it. Because I realized that he'd find out I hadn't been completely honest at some point. And I hadn't been convinced he could get past my age. By putting me in his class, it forced that confession and allowed us to move on with everything in the open. Of course we'd had our share of roadblocks along the way, but what couple didn't? And we'd moved past them. Most of them. He was still unemployed (thanks to his relationship with me), but he was working so hard trying to get another job. And at least he was getting his unemployment checks now. That was something.

That night, after my dad was asleep (my mom had moved out), I quietly went down to the basement to get some wrapping paper for the gift I'd made for Ezra. Not the easiest thing to do considering that my family was all about the themed paper. I ended up just grabbing some ribbon and repurposing a large brown paper bag. It wouldn't look terrible if I did it right.

I couldn't wait to give him this gift. I'd taken an amazing picture of the Bethesda fountain during our trip to New York this summer. I hadn't shown him or posted it on Facebook because I'd decided right then and there that it was going to be part of his anniversary gift. And after watching and reading _Angels in America,_ I'd gotten it framed with a custom matte that had a quote from the play on it. It read, "I bless you all: more life. The great work begins." Of course I'd looked it up after hearing how passionate he clearly was about it. And I'd fallen in love with the story immediately. I completely understood why he'd taught it to his seniors, despite how graphic it was. He totally hadn't been kidding about that part. It hadn't scarred me for life, but…well, I could see why he'd just told me to go look it up rather than asking me to watch it with him (between everyone cursing like sailors and all the beyond awkward sex scenes, it would have been kind of uncomfortable watching it with him). Anyway, I wished he was still teaching because I could have seen this going in his office. Maybe one day. He was too good a teacher to completely hang his hat forever.

As soon as I wrapped the gift, I carefully put it in my purse. I didn't want my dad seeing it and asking questions. He was still letting me see Ezra, but he made sure I knew he didn't approve. So I just tried not to bring Ezra up at all if I could help it.

The next day, I was going through my closet trying to decide what to wear for this anniversary date. The Rosewood Grille wasn't exactly a five-star restaurant so I couldn't dress up too much. But I still wanted to look nice. And then I came across the dress I'd been wearing the day we met. I had no idea how I remembered that, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks. And even though I was sure Ezra wouldn't remember it (because, well, he was a man and didn't notice things like clothes most of the time), I knew and that was enough to seal the deal. I put it on and couldn't help smiling at all the memories that came back. How he'd managed to make me smile on that godawful day when I hadn't thought smiling was possible. How unlike me going into that bathroom with him had been. And then the next day. Seeing him look right at me and hearing him say the words "holy crap" out loud for an entire class full of sixteen-year-olds to hear.

Suddenly, for the first time since everything with Mona, I got the urge to write. To sit down and write out how I was feeling right now. Because I wanted to remember this feeling for the rest of my life. The nostalgia and the feeling of being head over heels in love with someone who on paper looked so wrong for me, but couldn't have been more right. I had to write it down so I wouldn't lose it. So I sat down at my computer and my thoughts just came flowing out like a gushing fountain of words. All of the memories of this past year, all of my feelings about him and about us, everything.

I was about to start to make some of this stream of consciousness writing into something a little more coherent and write an overly sappy letter to Ezra to go with the framed picture when there was a knock on the door. That would be the cops. Somehow I just knew it.

I sighed and settled for hand-writing another quote from the play on a piece of paper and folding it up as a makeshift card. It was a sort of funny one that I'd actually debated using as the quote for the matte but then decided against because I wanted something a little more profound. But as a card, it worked perfectly. "This angel, she's my favorite angel. I like them best when they're statuary." Only someone who had seen and/or read it would think it was funny, but that was part of what made us…well, us. Nerdy literary references that only the two of us would get were a thing that we shared.

My mom knocked on my doorframe.

"Aria, the police are here. They want to talk to you," she said.

"Of course they do," I sighed. Why couldn't they do this tomorrow so it wouldn't ruin my anniversary celebration with my boyfriend?

"Come on, I'll drive," my mom said. "It'll be okay. All you have to do is tell them the truth. You were nowhere near the cemetery that night."

"I know," I reminded my mom. "I've done this plenty of times. Let's go get this over with."

While we were on the way to the police station, I texted Ezra.

 _Well, we might have to postpone that date. The police want to talk to me and my friends. Headed to the station now._

"Who were you texting?" my mom asked.

Wonderful. Now she was going to get overly protective and borderline clingy. I'd seen this before. And it was anything but helpful.

"Ezra," I told her. "We were supposed to go to dinner tonight. I was just telling him that I might not be able to make it."

I didn't bother telling her it was our anniversary. Because I knew she didn't really care. Never mind that this was the longest relationship I'd ever been in. Or that I was head over heels in love with this guy. My mom didn't care, because even though she'd tried to be okay with Ezra, she just couldn't get past seeing him as my former English teacher.

"What did you tell him?" she asked. "What does he know about this?"

"What, do you want to read our texts?" I asked, exasperated, holding out my phone. "Go ahead. Read the whole thread. I have nothing to hide."

"What's this attitude?"

I took some deep breaths to calm myself down. I tried to remind myself that she was just worried about me. But the way it was manifesting itself was ridiculous.

"This attitude is you suddenly questioning what I'm telling my boyfriend about why I might not be able to make it to dinner tonight," I told her. "And this coming from the woman who let me go to New York with him for four days two months ago. I understand that you're worried about me, but can you please calm down?"

"You're right," my mom sighed. "I'm sorry."

It seemed to take _forever_ talking to the police. I had to repeat myself at least twenty times for them to finally buy the party line that my friends and I had been nowhere near the cemetery last night. It was extremely frustrating, and by the time I got out of the interrogation room, I wanted to punch something.

When I walked out of the police station, I was greeted by a sight for sore eyes. Ezra was there waiting for me. Of course he was. Where else would he be? But what wasn't so welcome was my mom standing there talking to him, clearly upset about him being here. Ezra smiled when he saw me, and my mom took the cue that I was behind them.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to talk to them?" she asked.

Well, the treating me like I was twelve thing hadn't stopped. So much for her calming down.

"No, I'm fine. I just want to get out of here," I told her.

"Well, we could still make our reservation," Ezra said.

My mom looked at him like he was the scum of the earth and tried to fake a smile for me, but it didn't really work. I realized there was only one way I was getting to have an anniversary dinner with him at all tonight, and that was if my mom came with me. Because that was totally how I wanted to spend tonight.

"Or…maybe we could do this another time," he said, clearly a little disappointed but trying to hide it.

"I'm sure we could all use a bite, right?" I said, giving my mom a pointed look.

She looked at me like I had three heads, and I kept giving her the same look until she finally caved.

"Yes," she said. "Um…let's go."

She turned and walked right past Ezra, and if he hadn't stepped to the side, she would have run into him. She clearly, for whatever reason, didn't want me spending time with him tonight.

Ezra smiled at me and offered me his arm as I walked up to him. And, I realized, he was also wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing a year ago when we'd met. Okay, so maybe he would notice that I was too. I took his arm and took some deep breaths, trying to calm down. I was still so frustrated with the police, with my mom, with this whole situation, and I didn't want to ruin tonight any more by being snippy.

"Fair warning. Apparently I morphed into a twelve-year-old when the cops got to the house this afternoon," I whispered.

Ezra chuckled. "I can tell. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm more frustrated with her than anything else," I sighed. "It got to the point where I offered to let her read our entire text thread because she was grilling me on what I was telling you about why I might not be able to make dinner tonight. I invited her because that was the only way we were going to get to go to dinner tonight at all."

He chuckled again and kissed my head as we got to his car.

"Well, this should be interesting," he said. "I get the feeling I might not make it out of the Grille alive."

"Do you want to just do this tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Nope. We are going to go have dinner with your mother," Ezra said. "Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing. Help break the ice a little bit."

"One can only hope," I sighed.

Actually, dinner itself wasn't too terrible. My mom tried to be civil to Ezra as much as she could. It wasn't like they didn't have anything in common. They were both English teachers, so they had some neutral common ground. And I really did want my mom to see how special he was. I wanted nothing more than for her to see him the way I did. Well, maybe not exactly the way I did, but at least as someone who deserved her daughter.

But then when dinner was over, my mom tried to get me to come home with her. Which wasn't too surprising, but I told her I'd be along later. I wanted to spend the night with him, but I knew that wasn't going to happen tonight. But I figured maybe we at least could compromise. Or so I thought. Trying to talk to my mom was like talking to a brick wall. And when she got up to go to the restroom before we left, I turned to Ezra.

"I'll be back," I told him.

"Don't push it too hard," he told me. "As much as I want to spend tonight with you, I'd like to still be able to see you tomorrow too."

"I won't," I promised. "But I'm not just going to let this go either. I understand that she's concerned, but this is getting ridiculous."

Ezra squeezed my shoulder and kissed my temple.

"Okay," he said. "I'll take care of the bill and wait for you at the bar."

I chuckled. "Okay."

I walked into the bathroom, where my mom was washing her hands at the sink.

"Did you have to go before we leave?" she asked.

"No, I have to talk to you," I said, trying not to let my voice shake.

"Aria, this is a school night," she said. "You need to get to bed."

"Yes, it's the night before the first day of school. You know as well as I do they're not going to actually teach anything tomorrow."

"Still, you need to get back into the swing of things," she tried.

"Mom, do you even know why Ezra made a reservation for dinner tonight? Why I pushed coming here so hard when I could tell you didn't want me to?"

She just looked at me like a deer in headlights.

"Today's our anniversary," I told her, my voice breaking as I tried to keep from crying. "We met a year ago today."

"You met on the first day of school last year."

"No, we didn't. We met on Labor Day last year. The day we got back from Iceland. I took Mike to lacrosse practice and came here to grab lunch while I was waiting for him. And I met Ezra and we clicked instantly. We met before either of us had any idea that he was going to be my teacher. You have no idea how hard he tried to fight his feelings for me when he found out. But he couldn't. Neither of us could. He's not a pedophile, Mom. Despite what you and Dad clearly think," I told her as I blinked back tears.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked.

"Did you bother to ask?" I scoffed, a few of the tears I'd been trying to keep back creeping out. "You and Dad made up your minds about him before we got a chance to tell you. And then it was too late."

"So why didn't you tell me today?"

"Because it shouldn't matter. I shouldn't have to tell you it's our anniversary for you to let me spend time with him. What happened to the woman who let me go to New York with him over Fourth of July weekend? The woman who was okay with me practically living with him this summer?"

"That was the summer," she said. "This is the school year. There have to be boundaries. Rules."

"And if the cops hadn't showed up at our door this afternoon, would you still be acting like this?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

"Mom, look, I realize this is the school year now," I told her. "And I'm not expecting you to let me stay at Ezra's every night. But tonight is important to me. I invited you to come to dinner with us because I know you're worried about me. I wanted you to see that I really am okay. But enough is enough. This stops now. I'll be home after school tomorrow. And I'll help you pack up your stuff to move to the apartment just like I promised I would. I'm not trying to be rebellious or fight with you, but I'm also not going to let you take my anniversary night away from me. Not when I haven't done anything wrong. That's not fair and you know it."

My eyes were red and watery now. Gee, that was romantic.

"No, it's not," she sighed. "You're right. Go. Happy anniversary."

I chuckled and wiped away my tears. "Well, that was like pulling teeth. But I'll take it. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, honey," my mom said, giving me a hug. "You know, I really am happy for you. What I told you after that first night you spent at his place right before summer break was true. I know how much Ezra loves you. And I also know he's not a pedophile."

"That's reassuring," I teased. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mom."

I walked out of the bathroom to find Ezra sitting at the bar. In exactly the same spot he'd been sitting when I first met him. And he was in fact reading a book, I was sure _Ulysses._ I chuckled and shook my head. Apparently we were really doing this. I started to head for the seat I'd sat in at the end of the bar, but then I heard our song come on the jukebox. Of course he'd played it. And I couldn't wait. I needed a hug. Today had been rough. I walked up next to him and hugged his shoulders.

"God, I love this song," I sighed.

"B26?" Ezra said, kissing my head.

I chuckled a little, and a few more tears crept out. I was feeling so many conflicting emotions right now and I just couldn't contain them. And I hated that. Tonight was supposed to be a night full of love and happiness, not this. How in the hell had it turned into this?

"Hey," he said quietly as he turned around on his bar stool and pulled me into the world's tightest hug. "What is it?"

I didn't say anything. I just tightened my arms around him and took some deep breaths, trying to will the tears away.

"Aria, talk to me," Ezra said softly.

"It's not just one thing," I sighed, not moving from the comfort of his arms. "It's what happened to Ali's grave and the fact that the cops seem to be fixated on me and my friends and don't even seem to be looking at any other suspects. It's my mom showing her concern by treating me like I'm twelve again rather than actually _telling_ me what she's worried about. It's the fact that I just had to throw down with her in the middle of the bathroom to get her to let me spend tonight with you. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, she threw the fact that I used to be your teacher in my face right before you came out of the station," he said, tilting my chin up so I would look at him. "In front of all of your friends' parents. You came out right before that conversation went to a place that might have ended with your mother forcing you to break up with me."

"I'm kind of glad I didn't know that before I went in there. I wouldn't have been able to resist using that as ammunition," I chuckled, sniffling a little. "Though she and I are going to have to talk tomorrow."

"And that's when we can deal with all of this," he reminded me, wiping away my remaining tears. "Tomorrow. We're not going to worry about any of our problems tonight. Tonight is about us. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded; he gave me a kiss and squeezed me tight before letting me go.

"Come with me," he said, standing up and grabbing my hand.

"Are we really doing this?" I giggled.

"Yes. Yes, we are," Ezra chuckled. "Come on."

Without another word, he led me into the bathroom, grabbing a broom that someone had left out on the way. As soon as we got in and saw that no one else was here, he stuck the broom handle in the door to block it, then picked me up and put me on the counter. I laughed as I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him in. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this again. It hadn't been like me then, and it was even less like me now. But at least this time the person I was in here with wasn't someone I'd just met. It was the same person I'd done this with the first time, and this time we weren't drunk and acting stupid. This time the only thing we were drunk on was love. Though the jury was still out on whether we were acting stupid.

"Ready to get out of here?" he asked about half an hour later when he stopped kissing me to catch his breath.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I swear this counter has gotten less comfortable over the past year. Your couch is definitely preferable."

He laughed and kissed me again.

"I love you," he said quietly. "More than anything."

"I love you too," I whispered back. "I can't believe how lucky I am."

"I'm the lucky one," Ezra said as he backed up and helped me off the counter. "Come on. I have a surprise for you."

"I have a surprise for you too. I can't believe you actually fell for my act yesterday," I chuckled. "I've had your gift for a month. It's been killing me."

"You deserve an Oscar," he teased, giving me one last kiss. "But then again, so do I. Because I've had yours for a month and a half."

I chuckled and shook my head at our dumb impulsiveness just now as he took the broom out of the door handle. He held the door open for me and I walked out…to find Spencer and her mother sitting right in plain view of the bathroom. Thank God Spencer was the one who was facing us. Especially since Ezra followed me out before even shutting the door. Spencer raised her eyebrows at me; I was going to have some explaining to do tomorrow.

That did it. I started laughing. Not a little chuckle. A real, honest-to-God laugh. Ezra laughed with me and kissed my head, pulling me close. I looked over; Spencer was obviously trying to keep back laughter too. After a second, she got up from the table and ran into the bathroom we'd just come out of. And I heard her start laughing hysterically as Ezra and I walked out of the restaurant.

When we pulled up to Ezra's apartment building, he turned the car off and took a breath before turning to look at me. He seemed a little nervous, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. Nothing that had happened tonight, or that might possibly happen tonight, was new territory for us.

"Okay, so when you see your gift, before you get mad at me, let me explain," he said. "Promise?"

I looked at him like he had three heads. What on earth would I possibly get mad at him for?

"Promise," I humored him, grabbing my ridiculously heavy purse and getting out of the car. Thankfully, it wouldn't be heavy for too much longer.

We walked up the stairs and into his apartment. And when he turned on the light, I saw why he'd asked me not to get mad until he explained my gift. Because he had some serious explaining to do. Somehow, the painting of the Bethesda fountain that I'd fallen in love with on our last day in New York this summer was sitting on the couch with a ribbon tied around it. And an envelope in the ribbon. I'd seen the price tag on that painting, and even if he'd still been teaching, I would have been mad at him for spending that kind of money on me.

"Okay, you wanted me to let you explain. So explain," I said slowly.

Ezra chuckled. "Yeah, so I conveniently forgot to mention that the family friends that Wes went to the Hamptons with actually own that art gallery. And when I saw how much you loved that painting, I asked them about it. They sold it to me at zero profit to themselves. Literally just what the artist was asking for it. So they practically gave it away."

"Okay, I'm going to let this slide and not think about how much you still probably spent on that, even if your friends didn't make a dime off of the sale," I told him. "Because I'm speechless right now. I love it. Thank you."

I turned and kissed him for the thousandth time tonight.

"And that letter?" he continued. "Don't read it now. Read it when you need to be reminded of exactly what you mean to me and how much I love you."

I laughed. "So when you screw up royally, you've given me a pre-written apology?"

"I like how you say when, not if," he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my head. "And no. As a matter of fact, don't read it if you're mad at me. Read it when you need to be reminded of the fact that you always have someone who loves you unconditionally. When someone tries to remind you of the things in your past you're not proud of or tries to make you feel like you don't matter."

I smiled. "Okay. And it's a little ironic that you gave me that painting, because I'm about to continue with the same theme."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

I pulled his gift out of my purse, making sure the makeshift card was tucked into the ribbon.

"I was going to write you a letter too, but then the cops showed up at my door," I told him as I sat down next to him on the couch, putting the painting ( _my_ painting—wow, that was crazy to say) on the coffee table. "So I had to come up with something on the fly for a card. But…well, just open it."

"How dare you talk to the civil authorities instead of write?" he teased. "I still don't get why they would think any of you had anything to do with that. You were Alison's friends, not her enemies. They're looking in the least logical place, if you ask me."

"I thought we weren't going to deal with any of that tonight," I reminded him.

"You're right; we're not. I'm sorry. Come here," he said, pulling me back against him and kissing my forehead.

"So are you going to open that, or…?" I asked.

"Actually, how much trouble would I be in with your parents if I started a pot of coffee right now and we tried to pull an all-nighter?" he asked. "I know it sounds cheesy, but I don't want to waste a second of the time we have together tonight sleeping."

I chuckled. "Well, since my mom doesn't live at my house anymore and I'm only seeing her for a couple of hours tomorrow, I doubt she'll even notice. I'm down."

"Okay, in that case, I'm going to go start the coffee and then I'll open this."

I sighed and sat back up. Just when I'd gotten comfortable. And then I realized something.

"I should probably set an alarm on my phone just in case we do fall asleep. I do have to be at school at eight-thirty," I said, grabbing my phone and charger out of my purse.

"Yeah, probably a good idea," Ezra agreed. "Speaking of, how does it feel knowing you're starting your senior year tomorrow?"

"Weird," I chuckled as I set the alarm, plugged my phone in, and put it on silent so I wouldn't be interrupted by any texts tonight. "I mean, so much has happened in the past year. I kind of had to grow up fast. So it's strange to think about the fact that I'm still in high school. I feel like I've aged a decade since this time last year."

"You have, in a lot of ways," he said as he sat back down next to me. "Maybe you were forced into a lot of it, but you've grown a lot."

"I just…I guess I feel like some of my childhood got stolen from me," I sighed. "Normal teenagers wouldn't have to live in fear every second of their lives like I did."

"Remember the part where we weren't going to deal with our problems tonight?"

"Mona's not a problem anymore," I reminded him. "But I'll still have to live with what she did to me and my friends for the rest of my life."

"And as long as you want me, I will be here to help you deal with it. For the record, though, I'm proud of you. You've been dealt a crap hand this year, but you've handled it all with the maturity of someone twice your age. I honestly can't say I'd be able to handle everything you went through as well as you did," he told me, kissing my head. "Just thinking about it scares the hell out of me."

I smiled and leaned against his shoulder. There was nothing I wanted more in this world than to make him proud. He kissed my head again, then grabbed his gift off the coffee table. He chuckled when he read the quote on the card.

"Now do you see why it's ironic?" I laughed.

"I do," he chuckled, opening the gift. His eyes widened a little when he saw it.

"I took that while we were there. I never showed it to you because I decided as soon as I saw how good it turned out that I was going to do something with it as an anniversary gift for you," I told him.

"It's amazing," he said. "I love it. And why didn't you tell me when you read the play?"

"To be fair, I watched the miniseries first," I chuckled. "Then I read it. And I didn't want to ruin the surprise. It was brilliant, though. I completely understand why you taught it. And why you just told me to go watch it on my own."

"Did I scar you for life?" he teased.

"No, you were a corrupting influence on me way before that," I shot back.

"Was I?" Ezra laughed, pulling me onto his lap.

I giggled and kissed him. He pulled me close, slowly running his hand up my side and back down again. I kicked my shoes off and moved so I was straddling his legs, and he left a small trail of kisses from my mouth down to my neck and then slowly took my jacket off and threw it on the floor. As soon as the top of my chest was free, he trailed kisses all the way down my neck and across the exposed part of my chest. I tried to be patient, but when he was about halfway across, I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled him back up for another kiss. And almost immediately, he stood up and slowly carried me over to the bed. He slowly unzipped the back of my dress as soon as he sat me down, but he didn't take it off quite yet. Clearly he was going to take every second he could tonight, and I was absolutely fine with that. After all, we had all night.

Instead of sitting down next to me like he normally did, this time Ezra knelt down in front of me and ran his hands up the sides of my thighs, slowly pushing my dress up as he went. He slowly left a trail of kisses on each leg before pulling my dress off completely. Then he kissed his way up my stomach, chest, and neck before finally coming back to my lips. I pulled his shirt off and scooted closer to the edge of the bed as we kissed, trying to close the distance between us.

"Don't move," he whispered.

I nodded, completely under his spell. He gave me one more kiss, then got onto the bed, moving so he was behind me. He pulled me back a little bit, then pulled my hair to one side and kissed my neck and worked his way down one of my shoulders, sliding my bra strap down as he went. As soon as he was done with that side, he went to the other side and did the same thing. And then he started working his way down my back, leaving not even an inch of it untouched. Every nerve ending in my entire body was ignited and I just closed my eyes, surrendering to his slow, sweet, intoxicating pace. Not until he got all the way down my back did he undo my bra and kiss the spot where the strap been. He slowly slid it down; I lifted my arms from my sides a little to help him in his endeavor. As soon as he got it off, he slid his arms around me, briefly cupping my breasts in his hands, but then continuing on so he was enveloping me in his arms as he kissed my neck and shoulders.

And then I couldn't take it anymore. I turned my head to kiss him. As our tongues explored each other's mouths as if it was completely new territory, I turned around so I was on my knees in front of him. He pulled me close against him with one arm, using the other hand to softly caress my face.

"I love you," I said quietly when he let me talk.

"Aria," he breathed, and his lips were back on mine as he slowly laid us down. He didn't need to say anything else. The way he said my name…it was almost reverent.

As much as I really wanted to reciprocate what he'd done just now, it was clear that he was taking charge tonight. I could tell this part of our lovemaking, just getting to explore and enjoy every inch of my body, was always his favorite. To him, it was always about me. Always. His own pleasure was his last priority. He was the most selfless person imaginable. In general, yes, but especially in bed.

Ezra trailed kisses back down my neck, shoulders, and chest, this time making sure to focus on my now-bare breasts. He kept going down my stomach, but didn't spend as much time there. Because it was just on the way to where he was really headed. I lifted my hips as he slowly peeled my underwear off and bent my legs to help him in the process. And then he crawled a little further backwards down the bed, leaving a trail of kisses all the way down, and lifted one of my legs over his shoulder to give him easier access as he got between my legs. And just like I always did, I moaned in sheer ecstasy when I finally felt his tongue. He held me tight by my waist with one arm while he used the other hand to assist him in his efforts. And after the past twenty minutes or so, every nerve ending was already on fire and I was halfway there already; it took all of about three minutes for me to finish.

For the first time in a long time, he finished undressing himself rather than me doing the job. And he slowly crawled back up between my legs and kissed me with enough passion to light the entire town of Rosewood on fire. I held him tight for a minute, then slowly ran my fingernails down his back. Not hard, just a feather-light touch. His breath caught and he gasped. I smiled. Just like he loved nothing more than knowing I was enjoying what he was doing, I loved nothing more than knowing he enjoyed what I was doing too.

"I love you," Ezra whispered as he moved inside me.

I let out a quiet moan and kissed him, wrapping my arms tightly around him. And we began to move, almost as one. I couldn't help remembering the first time we'd done this. How nervous I'd been about being completely undressed and exposed in front of him for the first time. How scared I'd been that I'd do something wrong or wouldn't know what to do at all. Why I'd ever felt that way, I had no idea. It was abundantly clear now that there was nothing I could have done wrong. There was no right or wrong here. It was just love. Just our overwhelming, all-consuming love for each other being expressed through the most natural act in the world.

We'd gotten into the habit of just lying in bed silently after we made love, and tonight was no exception. Ezra was the one to break the comfortable post-coital silence about thirty minutes later.

"So…I don't know about you, but if I don't get a cup of coffee, I'm going to fall asleep in about ten minutes," he said, kissing my hair.

"I'd give myself about five minutes, actually," I chuckled, picking my head up off his chest to give him a kiss.

"Let me up. I've got it," he told me, kissing me again.

Ezra got up and put on his boxers, and I crawled over to the dresser and grabbed my favorite of his t-shirts. Other than the one I kept at my house, of course. And he was back in about three minutes with two mugs of coffee. He handed both to me until he got in bed and then took his back from me. I sighed contentedly as I leaned back against him and took a sip. He kissed my head and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"So, I actually did write a little bit today before the cops showed up," I said.

"Really?" he asked, clearly shocked.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I kind of just got overwhelmed with memories and started to write them all down before I forgot. Before I forgot the way I was feeling right in that moment."

"What kind of memories?" he asked.

"Of us," I told him. "Today kind of brought a lot of things back."

"Like what?"

"Like how you made me smile on a day when I didn't think I'd be able to. The day we met, there were missing posters of Alison everywhere and being back here reminded me of what my dad had done, having that affair with Meredith. I offered to take Mike to lacrosse practice just so I could get out of the house. But then I walked into the Rosewood Grille and there was another poster of Ali. Everyone acting like she wasn't dead when we all knew she was. Then I met you. And you made me smile and even laugh. For a little while, I forgot everything bad in my life. That's how I always feel when I'm with you. I somehow just manage to forget all of my problems. Even though I know I can talk to you about them, and I usually do now, I always know that if I need an escape, I have one in you."

Ezra kissed my head again and took another sip of coffee.

"I had plenty of problems of my own that day," he said. "I was nervous as hell about starting that job at Rosewood High. And I was dealing with some family drama. Honestly, I was there trying to drink all my problems away. But I met you instead, and I didn't know why, but something told me to talk to you. So I did. And it was the best decision I ever made."

"Sure about that? Because the other memory that stood out today was of you saying 'holy crap' in front of an entire classroom full of high schoolers when you saw me in your first period class the next day," I giggled.

Ezra laughed and sat me back up so he could kiss me.

"Well, can you blame me? It _was_ kind of a shock," he teased.

"And yet you still chose to be with me," I chuckled as I leaned back against him.

"Like I said, best decision I ever made," Ezra said, kissing my head again.

We did manage to pull our all-nighter. And it was absolutely perfect. Everything an anniversary celebration should have been. We just stayed in bed drinking coffee and talking and, yes, going for another round or two (okay, fine, maybe three). Most importantly, we did manage to forget all of our troubles and just make the night what it should have been all along: about nothing more than us and the epic, if unconventional, love we'd found with each other.


End file.
